


Porcelain Doll

by Caroxoxo



Category: SKAM (France)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, ED warning, EmmaxManon, F/F, F/M, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Slow Burn, art Elu, elu au, it's a damn long slow burn so sorreh in advance, porcelain doll - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-22
Updated: 2020-01-31
Packaged: 2020-03-09 19:01:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 45,516
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18923128
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Caroxoxo/pseuds/Caroxoxo
Summary: Lucas is trying to be an adult and lives on his own. He has new apartment and new roommates. He is trying to live as simple as possible.But still, the past doesn’t want to go away.Eliott feel free and he is free. Living with his best friend, studying and painting. When he likes something, he likes it hard.  When he loves something, he loves it right away, even harder.Somehow, both of them have to learn how to be more open and more patient.Because their lost souls deserve to be loved.





	1. The Begining

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You cannot find peace by avoiding life.” VW

Lucas came into the apartment and looked around. It was nice, cosy, fair-sized living room with kitchen, huge windows front onto the main street. Lucas could already feel the good vibes of this place. Further into the place, there was one huge bathroom and three bedrooms, two near to each other and one near to the hallway. Lucas came in to the last and smiled. It was bright-coffee-colour room, almost empty because as what Emma said the last tenant owned the furniture so Lucas should buy new stuff for himself. But it wasn’t a problem for him. The room was nice, clean, and had access to the balcony. Lucas was fond of sitting outside, creating some music and simply staring at people on the streets. Those things make him calm during his bad days and even happier during the good ones.

The flat wasn’t big but enough for three people. Emma said that she inherited the place after her grandfather and it was quite obvious she didn't buy it by herself because the flat was styled in slightly ancient, as for the girl in her 20s, way.

During Lucas’ little tour the girl told him that the other roommate was at his parents’ on vacation and would be back in two weeks. The boy only shook his head understandingly. When Lucas finally walked out from the room Emma looked at him with hope in her eyes.

“So, what do you think? Are you okay with the price? I hope you are because you are my last hope, mate. I need a new roommate. Decent roommate.” Lucas laughed a little bit. He was decent, that's for sure. Brown-haired woman bit her thumb, waiting impatiently for an answer.

“One question” He started, seeing how the girl was stressed. “Playing the piano wouldn’t be a problem?”

“Oh, no not at all!” She claimed without hesitation.

“So, I’ll take it.” Lucas answered with happy grin on his face. Emma almost jumped on him with excitement. “Oh gosh, you are my life saver. I’m not joking.” The girl said after short hug. “You can move in right away, Lucas.”

He smiled as much as he didn’t in a long time. It was his new beginning. Sa nouvelle meilleure vie. And he decided to stop avoiding it.

 


	2. 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “If you do not tell the truth about yourself you cannot tell it about other people.” VW

Lucas opened his eyes and looked at the ceiling. It had to be still quite early because he couldn’t feel the rays of sunshine on his face like in the previous days.

 

The first week at his new place was behind him. He didn't saw Emma much during this time because after his moving in she went for four days to her grandmother and after that she was almost constantly with her girlfriend. It was okay with Lucas, he wasn’t very good with social interaction either way. He didn’t do anything special during this week. He still had some free time before starting university. He spent most of his time with his aunt. She also prepared herself for her new academic year and Lucas must admit that he was the person who reminded her almost about everything and felt a bit responsible for her obligations. He was worried that Tamara wouldn’t manage without him, even though she claimed about  thousands times that she would be fine and Matilda would help her too.

 

But still, it was completely new for both. Ever since Lucas turned eight, Tamara has became the most important person in his life. After his 'family'  grew to be a catastrophic failure, she became his new little family. He lived with her and her partner, Matilda. Tamara never claimed that she was his mother and Lucas never pretended that she was the one because, in fact, she was even more. The typical mother figure was so distant and negative for him that he knew Tamara was way more than that. She claimed that Lucas was her little angel and because of him she found her destiny. Destiny named Matilda.

 

Lucas had to admit that it was partially true. When he was ten they went for a walk and at one point he heard a beautiful melody. He could still remember that day vividly. He wanted to see who played so beautifully and at first Tamara wasn’t very open to this idea but finally they went further to the park and they saw Matilda playing the guitar. She started singing and Lucas remembers that Tamara got goose bumps. They were holding hands so he could feel that at the time, something happened with his aunt.

 

Not so late after that Matilda became his new aunt. She was very alike Tamar and Lucas loved Matilda almost the same as his father’s sister. Matilda was the person that showed Lucas music world. It helped him so much and when he thought about it right now, he knew his life would be hopeless without playing piano and composing. When he was younger he was afraid that it wouldn’t last but now, a few days before starting to learn at one of the best music universities in France, he knew that music was the significant other in his life and it won’t change for sure.

 

Lucas, Tamara and Matilda had good life together. He knew that it wasn’t perfect but it was the best as they could get so he never complained. And now they will be still close but just not in the same apartment.

 

When he thought about his last two years, he was aware that they were harsher for him and his aunts. But he knew he was ready for living by himself. Without being guided by anyone. He loved Tamara and Matilda but now it was his time. Being grown up and responsible for his life only. 

 

Lucas blinked four times and finally got up from his bed and looked around. Room was still pretty empty. Only bed and the piano were here. Two most important things in his life. All of his cloths and stuff were still in suitcases and boxes and he couldn't wait to put everything in order when all furniture will come. When he went out from his bedroom he smelled something weird. It was unexpected because he was sure that Emma was sleeping at her girlfriends’ place and at the end of the previous evening he was completely alone in the flat. However, he spent his evening on the balcony with his pen and the stave in his hands and after eight thirty he hasn't came out of his bedroom so maybe indeed that was Emma in the kitchen.

 

But it wasn't the brunette and Lucas took one step away when he saw some blonde guy in his kitchen. He stood with his back turned to Lucas and danced, or at least Lucas thought it was some kind of dance but he didn’t hear any music. The next second he noticed that the blond guy had headphones in his ears so that’s way Lucas couldn’t hear any sound.

 

“Hello!” Lucas almost screamed, to make sure that anonymous guy would hear him. Unfortunately, yelling didn’t help so he decided that he would risk his life and he touched the guys’ back.

 

“Putain!” Blond guy screamed and he dropped the egg on the floor.

 

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.” Lucas said but his talking was pointless because the stranger still didn't take headphones out of his ears. Lucas felt a little bit awkward because it was so obvious that the guy was checking him out. In that moment Lucas regretted that he slept only in his pyjama pants without any top.

 

“Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry!” The blond guy finally put away headphones. “I’m Arthur. Your other roomie. And you are Lucas, right? And I wasn’t checking you out. No worries. I was just checking how much Emma was wrong.” The no-so-stranger-anymore talked very fast, shaking Lucas’ hand without even waiting for any reaction from the boy.

 

“Wrong about what?” Lucas finally asked when Arthur started cleaning the floor.

 

“About you.” He said calmly. “I mean, about your appearance.” He added because he noticed weird grin on Lucas’ face. "She said you are very alike me but I was sure that she was wrong and well, I am right." Arthur talked so fast that Lucas wasn't sure if he heard everything clearly.

 

“Emma is very chaotic and she is not so good with details in people’s appearance. I think it’s very obvious of her and you probably already noticed that.” Arthur still talked but now he was standing in front of Lucas with the shells in his hands.

 

The blue eyed boy was still on the mute mood when the blond one turned around to the sink. When Arthur couldn't see his face, Lucas finally closed his eyes and took deep breath. He was still not so much awake and too shocked, but he counted slowly to four and opened his eyes. Now, he felt slightly better.

 

“Emma said that you will be back next week.” Lucas said, leaning himself against the kitchen counter.

 

“Like I mentioned, chaotic.” Arthur repeated with bright smile. Lucas had to admit that smile was very infectious. It was that kind of smile that even if you are in a bad mood you just cannot resist and little smile just has to appear on your face. He felt a bit more affection towards blond guy already. “I’m sorry if I woke you up.” He added when Lucas still remained silent.

 

“No worries, I was up already.” Arthur nodded his head and by that little movement his glasses slipped down a bit of his nose. He fixed them with his right hand and Lucas admires that little movement. That was already the third time during their conversation Arthur did this and it was adorable. Lucas really liked watching people and how they were doing things in their own specific way. “I’m gonna dress up.” He didn’t want to be too creepy so he turned around and went to his room.

 

“Lucas, do you want some breakfast?” He heard Arthur voice before closing the door.

 

“No, thank you. I’m good.”

 

~~~~

 

When Lucas looked at his phone, he didn’t realize that it was already an afternoon. After a weird morning talk with Arthur, Lucas took quick shower and after that he spent all day in his room trying to improve his last melody. He has been working on this about two weeks already and all this time had feelings that something was wrong and today he couldn’t even make himself to play piano, so he was only pretending to touch the keys.

 

He didn’t like days like this but he was pretty sure that was because of the upcoming university-related stress. He sighed and put his head on the keyboard. Today his work was hopeless and he must admit that he was starving.

 

He was already dressed. In case he would feel awkward again in front of his new roommate, Lucas knew it would be better having something on his chest.

 

When he closed he door of his room, he heard different voices in the flat. So now Emma was definitely back.

 

"See, his completely different than me!" Lucas heard Arthur’s voice when he walked into the kitchen.

 

"Hello." Lucas said with little smile on his face.

 

"Salut Lucas, sorry I didn’t warn you about this idiot." When Emma ended the sentences, the pillow thrown by blond guy was already on her face. Arthur rolled his eyes and walked up to the kitchen counter where Lucas was making sandwiches.

 

"We can make some bonding time tonight, to get to know each other a little. If you want, of course."

 

Lucas smiled again. He realized that he definitely had to get use to the Arthur’ fast talki. Emma walked up near to the blond guy, pinched him in the hip, but he didn’t even move. "Loser." Arthur mumbled without even looking at the girl. "You don’t wanna know this guy better, Lucas. Believe me." Emma laughed and this time Arthur pinched her in the hip and girl almost jumped on the counter. "Fucker." She commented and right away looked at Lucas. "But knowing me better will be definitely beneficial."

 

Emma winked at Lucas and Arthur rolled his eyes.

 

"I’m okay with bonding time, but sorry Emma, I’m gay." Lucas answered, while putting some cheese on the bread. Arthur bursted with laugh, and he tried to tell something but couldn't catch his breath.

 

"Oh no, no Lucas! I mean, you are really good looking guy but first, I have a girlfriend and well, kind like her so, no cheating this time, and second, I was talking about my help. I know you have a piano in your room so I was thinking that you must be good at playing and well, Manonita’s parents have some fancy restaurant, and they often need somebody to play there. So, yeah."

 

Emma started to explain everything very fast and Lucas felt more awkward than during the morning conversation. He wasn’t ashamed of being gay but he was definitely ashamed that he thought the girl was hitting on him.

 

"I should tell this before winking, right?" Emma asked with a serious face and Arthur nodded his head, still laughing a bit.

 

"So, for the beginning of the bonding time you must know that my social skills are very scrappy." Emma added with awkward smile.

 

'No worries, I’m not so good in such things either."

 

"Believe me; nobody is as bad as that girl." Arthur said, pointing at the face of the girl. "Oh fuck off, you love me."

 

Lucas looked at his two roommates starting teasing each other, and he smiled widely. He took plate and sat on the big armchair. In the next minute, Emma literally threw Arthur’ body on the couch.

 

"Seriously, you are way too strong." The boy admitted, again fixing his glasses much like in the morning.

 

"Nope, you are simply too weak." Emma said with seriousness. Arthur tried to be a little offended but at the end he dropped sad face and focused his eyes on Lucas.

 

"So Lucas, tell us something about you."

 

"Oh man, you are seriously so great. He definitely won’t feel like during the investigation." The girl laughed a little, kicking blond in the tight. He started massage her feet without thinking.

 

"Sorry Miss ‘I’m so good in social skills’ maybe, you wanna start?" He bitted back with the same amount of sarcasm.

 

"It’s okay, Emma" Lucas stopped the teasing right away. He could already notice that sarcastic behaviour was definitely typical of this two. 'Maybe just ask about something more specific." He added, putting away an empty plate on the table.

 

"So, you are gay." Arthur started again. Lucas only nodded; he didn’t wanna to make a big deal of it. "And you are single and ready to mingle or somebody already stole your heart?" Lucas' eyes opened wide and he was almost choking on tea. Emma coughed falsely and Lucas could hear that she tried to say ‘subtly’.

 

"What now?" Arthur asked without a realization that, indeed, it wasn’t very proper question.

 

"I don’t know, you take some stupidity from time to time from me or maybe I simply didn't realize before how small your brain is." Emma made a comment again and in response to that Arthur stuck out his tongue at her.

 

"Maybe Lucas should decide if I was too straightforward." Blond one focused on Lucas again. "We have only one rule in this house and this rule is honesty." He added right away with serious face.

 

"Oh my god, dude. You are so weird to him." Emma whispered, trying to hold her laugh.

 

Lucas smiled because even though Arthur was a little too straightforward, he didn’t feel awkward with them. At least not in this moment.

 

"Okay, so answer is yes, I’m single but not on the relationship stage yet, and yeah, you were a little bit too straightforward." Lucas finally told the whole sentence without thinking that he could embarrass himself.

 

"Ha, told ya!" Emma screamed like a little kid. "But it’s fine by me." Lucas added because Arthur was ready to apologize. "We are roommates now, so it’s okay."

 

When Arthur smiled to Lucas like a little kid, showing his adorable dimples, Lucas knew that he will get along with them very fast.

 

"I feel you Lucas, nobody can resist to his smile." Emma said putting one of her fingers into Arthur’ left dimple.

 

The rest of the evening went pretty good. Most of the time Arthur and Emma were teasing themselves and Lucas was the most silent from the group by it was good. He found out that a mysterious girlfriend of Emma is Manon and she studied at the same university as Lucas will go but she was on different department, studying photography. Emma was an university student too and she was at the law department. When Lucas heard that he was pretty shocked and even if he tried to pretend to not be Arthur saw it right away.

 

"Yeah, she is chaotic, but when it comes to the law her brain works properly."

 

Arthur was a freelancer. After meeting Manon, he also aspired to be a photographer but he was not so sure about his future and his destiny, as he said, so he hasn’t decided about university yet. His father had a company and Arthur had a part-time job there but often he was making photos during some festivals or weddings. Of course, during the talk about photography Arthur brought his camera to the living room and took some photos of the trio.

 

When Lucas saw that it was already half past midnight, he felt tired and even though spending some time with other people than his aunts was good he needed some sleep.

 

"Okay guys, it's nice but I’m gonna get some sleep now." He said as he stood up. Arthur and Emma also got up from the couch. Brunette was already heading to the kitchen to get something to eat, but Arthur came a little bit closer to Lucas.

 

"Welcome to our little weird family Lulu." And after quick hug he walked out of the living room. Lucas stood in the same place for a little while with a goofy smile on his face.

 

"Wanna some?" Emma asked with mouth full of old pizza, when she was back at the couch. "No, thanks." He answered, already on his way to his room. "Goodnight Emma."

 

"Goodnight Lucas!"

 

After closing the door behind him, Lucas thought that having two weird little families wasn't so bad after all.

 

 


	3. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “No need to hurry. No need to sparkle. No need to be anybody but oneself.” VW

## 

“We’re going for little shopping, do you need anything?” Lucas heard Arthur’s voice and looked at the door.

 

At the first moment, he was a little shocked with the appearance of the blond guy. Lucas was so absorbed with his work that he completely forgot about his roommates even though the door was open all this time. But he fully zoned out because finally, after the whole week he got his furniture and since bright morning he was putting all the stuff in proper places. He didn’t even know what time was it now.

 

“Oh, no thanks. I’m good.” He answered when he realized that Arthur was waiting for his answer. Lucas said those words without any further thinking. He didn’t even realize that he should buy some food but for now cleaning was more important thing. Shopping and eating could wait.

 

Lucas didn’t stop his work but Arthur has waited a bit longer and after next three minutes when he didn’t get any further information from Lucas, he and Emma walked out from the flat.

 

After putting the last pair of socks in one of the drawer Lucas took a deep breath. Finally, he felt really good in his room. Everything had its own place. It was clean and nice. He took advantage of his mood for cleaning and did the vacuuming and washing the windows. When he put the cleaning stuff into the box, he felt slightly dizzy. He looked at the phone and saw that it was already after six in the afternoon. He hadn’t eaten the whole day. He was so absorbed with the cleaning that he forgot about others mundane stuff. He also realized that both his aunts tried to reach him on his phone, but he put it on a silent mode during bonding time yesterday, so he couldn’t hear the phone ringer before.

 

Lucas took his phone and went to the kitchen. His stomach started to rumble so loud that it was unbearable for him now. He turned the toaster on and during making sandwiches he called to Tamara.

 

“Lucas, finally!” he heard voice on the other side of the phone and he had to put it away from his ear because he was a bit scared that screaming wouldn't stop very soon. “I was trying to call you about a thousand times! Matilda went for the melissa for me ‘cause I’m freaking out Lucas! It’s been only a few days since you moved out, and you already forgot about me?” Lucas was used to Tamara aka the biggest drama queen. He learned that its no use in stopping, so he just waited until she had to take a deep breath and in that moment he spoke. 

 

When that moment finally came, Lucas stoped his aunt.

 

“I’m sorry, my phone was muted, and I had to do some cleaning stuff today. Furniture came at the morning, so I was pretty occupied." After his explanation Tamara was silent a little too long.

 

"I’m okay Tam, really.” Lucas added knowing that his aunt was worrying too much about him. He was just a bit too busy with work. It was normal and she shouldn’t have been worried about it.

 

“Okay mon cheri, I believe you.” Tamara spoke with smoothen voice. “So, if you are done with the cleaning maybe you wanna come for dinner tonight? Or, maybe you prefer to spend evening with your cool roommates not with old aunts.” She laughed but Lucas could feel that she was still worried. He hated making her like that. She was always thinking about him, and he shouldn’t have give her other opportunities to worry. She had enough of it with him during the last thirteen years. “Of course I prefer the old ones!” He claimed with little smile even though she couldn't see it. “So it’s settled! See you in an hour Lucas!”

 

Lucas put off his phone on the counter and looked at his too fried toast. He took only two bites and left the rest on the plate. If he goes to Tamar’s he shouldn’t eat anything else before even if he’s starving after a day without food.

 

He wasn't sure if he should write a message to Arthur or Emma about his plans so he decided that the little note would be enough. He took pen and wrote that he is at his aunt’s place and will be back rather late.

 

When he arrived to his former house, he couldn't even knock properly because Matilda already opened the door and hugged him definitely too tight.

 

“Mon cheri! I miss you!” They entered the hall and Matilda went further to the house but Lucas had to go back to the door and made little four knocks. As it should be.

 

“We made vegetable paella, as you like it.” Tamara hugged Lucas and kissed him on the cheek. After dinner, they sat on the terrace with cups of tea in their hands.

 

“Lucas, I beg you, come back to us. She is driving me crazy lately.” Matilda groaned, but she kissed her girlfriend on the forehead. Lucas looked at his aunts and he felt warm inside him. They were cuddling each other with bright smiles on their faces and the love was so visible in their eyes. Lucas was so happy for them. For his best family.

 

He chuckled a bit hearing the red hair. He knew that both of them were a little chaotic and their art souls were sometimes too similar to each other, so they were arguing about very silly things quite often but Tamara and Matilda loved themselves too much so they were always making up as soon as they looked at each other. For Lucas, that was true love.

 

“I’m sorry but you must deal with her by yourself know.” “Traitor.” She groaned but rested her head on the Tamar’s arm.  "So, how is it, living by yourself without picking up after us.“ Added after a short moment of silence.

 

"It is” Lucas started but he wasn’t sure how to describe it. He had never been good with talking about his emotions. When he felt something bothering him or the happiness appeared in his life he simply sits near to the piano and plays or writes new pieces of music. He never talked about it. Or almost never, only when he really must do such thing.

 

He knew that both his aunts were looking at him, but they stayed silent. They understood him and didn’t demand any rapid answers.

 

“It is fine.” He finally ended his sentence and even though it was only three words he took the sip of tea as if he talked for hours.

 

“I’m proud of you Lucas.” Tamar spoke and he looked at him. Her smile always calming him down. She didn’t need to add anything else, and he knew that she was telling the truth.

 

“Arthur and Emma are really great. At least, I think they are.” Lucas started talking after a while. He realized that when lecturers at the university will start he wouldn't have so much time for talking with his aunts, so he decided that he should take all he could.

 

“Arthur is very” Another break but now Lucas couldn't find a proper words to describe colorful personality of his roommate. “Loud but in kind of positive way. He is like a little happy puppy. And he said that I’m the part of their family even though he knows nothing about me. So, I’m guessing he is trustworthy person.”

 

“It means that he already knows that you are a great person.” Matilda cut off in Lucas words. He smiled and carried on.

 

“And Emma is very surprising. I had no opportunities to talk with her in the last week because she was away from flat but yesterday I found out that she’s studying law."

 

"And why is that so surprising?” Tamara asked when she took an empty cup from Lucas' hands. “Because she is so disorganized, chaotic. When you are thinking about the law student, you are imagining somebody with very orderly lifestyle but Emma is completely opposite.” Lucas explained sitting between his aunts when Tamara was back with a tub of caramel ice-cream.

 

“Shee, an thath ay you cann judge anybo’ady lby tfe firsht appearyancee.” Matilda mumbled with a spoon in her mouth. Lucas looked at her giggling because he understood nothing.

 

“She said that you shouldn’t judge people only by the first appearance.” Tamara explained, taking the spoon from her love.

 

“Yeah, I know. I’m not judging. I’m saying Emma is surprising, that’s all.”

 

“I know sweetheart. You are not some kind of asshole.” She added, giving him the spoon.

 

“But” he started before putting a way too much ice-cream in his mouth. “I’m afraid that they will judge me or probably they already did.” Lucas ended when the sweet taste of caramel left his mouth.

 

“Mon cheri, you cannot think that. You are a great person and the best roommate as they can imagine.” Matilda grabbed one of his hands and laid her head on his arm.

 

“You are telling me these things because I’m your favourite person in the world and of course I’m gonna believe you.” Lucas smiled and kissed his aunt on the top of her hair.

 

“I’m just thinking that maybe I’m too weird for them. Because today Arthur asked me if I need anything and I was so zoned out, overwhelmed by the furniture and cleaning and stuff that I completely ignored him. It wasn’t very nice of me, and I know such things will happen again. What is worst, I cannot behave differently because I” Lucas took deep breath. He finally spoke what he had in his mind since moving out. It wasn’t only about his roommates but also other people whom he will meet at university.

 

“But I am me, and I cannot change that.” He ended with a quitter voice. He felt horribly that he put his worries on his aunt’s shoulders, but he learned lately that he couldn't hide his feelings from everyone and especially not from the most important people in his life.

 

Tamar put her hand on the Lucas’ cheek.

 

“Hey, you being yourself is the best version of being you, understand? You are kind, generous and patient person.”

 

“Second that.” Matilda whispered, cuddling Lucas while Tamara continued her speech.

 

“People can rely on you even when they are not your close friends. Do you remember Imane? Do you remember what the doctors said about her and how she changed after meeting you? You are too precious to this world Lucas and every person who will have you as a friend will be the luckiest person in the whole world.” She weared tears away from Lucas’ cheeks. “You can be weird you can be normal, you can be whatever you want because you are amazing as you are, mon cheri. Remember that.”

 

“Okay, I need tissues.” Matilda sobbed, heading to the kitchen.

 

“Thank you.” Lucas whispered to Tamara and cuddled her.  It was like he was ten years old again.

 

“Sometimes we need a little reminder about how amazing we are.”

 

The rest of the night went on a happier tone. Lucas played one of the favorite Tamara’s melodies and when both women drunk a bit too much of wine they even started dancing. Lucas was happy with them. Seeing them smiling and being in love as in the same day when they met.

 

~~~~

 

“You will call me right after the ending, okay?”

 

“Yes, Tamara, of course I’ll do it.” Lucas rolled his eyes for the third time during his goodbye with his aunts.

 

“Baby, you know that he will be at the same university as you, right?” Matilda asked, trying to take away her love from way too long hug with Lucas.

 

“But he will be so busy, he will forget me!” Tamara almost screamed and talked as if Lucas wasn’t standing right in front of her.

 

When Matilda finally dragged away Tamara from Lucas she whispered “Go Lucas, I’ll take care of her.”

 

He smiled at both and headed to the flat.

 

It was still quite early. Lucas decided that he should do something for his roommates. He bought some croissants, fresh vegetables and other groceries. He realized his cooking skills were not so good, but at least making sandwiches wouldn’t hurt anyone.

 

When he approached to the front doors of the tenement, he started to search for his keys. It would be wiser to just put the bags on the ground but now he was too tangled in his jacket and the handles of the bags.

 

“Some help?” Lucas heard man voice behind him and almost jumped. “Oh gosh, sorry. Didn’t want to scare you.”

 

When Lucas finally turned around, he wasn’t sure if the Mother Nature was making fun of him or maybe, he saw an angel in the human body. All the morning rays of sunshine framed all around the guy’s face and he looked literary like sent from Heaven.

 

“I… ” Lucas started, but he couldn't say anything else. The silence was starting to be a little too long. Both of them were just staring at each other. It was only when Lucas heard dogs barking in the distance he shook his head and took deep breath.

 

“I’m Eliott.” The guy finally spoke and offered his hand to Lucas and in the second he realized that the shorter boy couldn't do the same because of the handles. “Okay, so at first, I have to rescue you from these bags.” Eliott giggled and Lucas felt slightly embarrassed with his clumsiness in this moment.  

 

Eliott took one of the handles and started turning around Lucas until the shorter one was free.

 

“Thanks.” He whisperd and perceived that his throat needed some water.

 

“No problem." They both reached to the door in the same moment and Eliott giggled again

 

"Do you live here too?” Eliott asked, letting Lucas before him to enter the hall.

 

“Yes, I moved in about a week ago.” Lucas explained with a weird feeling in his chest.

 

“So welcome in the building…”

 

“Lucas.” The boy said his name considering Eliott was waiting for it.

 

“Lucas.” Taller one whispered with a huge smile. Lucas checked the mailbox and when he turned around the other boy has disappeared. For an instant he thought that Eliott was only made in his mind, but he shook his head trying to stop those silly thoughts.

 

When he entered the flat, there weren’t any sounds so he assumeed that both of his roommates were still sleeping. He went to his room, changed his clothes in some comfortable sweatpants and t-shirt and he went back to the kitchen to prepared breakfast.

 

While he put plate full of sandwiches, and the pot with coffee on the table, Lucas heard yawning coming from the hall.

 

“Morning.” He greeted Arthur with bright smile on his face. He wanted to do this right. Finally made some good friendship. After nights with his aunts, he had hopes that maybe with Arthur and Emma it would happen.

 

“Salut.” Arthur answered with his cute smile, approached Lucas and kissed him in the forehead.  When Lucas looked at the blond one with a surprise on his face Arthur opened his eyes way too wide.

 

“Oh shit, Lucas sorry. I’m always doing the kiss with Emma when we are up. It’s kind of normal for us. Shit. Sorry. You must think that I’m some weirdo.” Lucas laughed a bit. Arthur was really that surprising person.

 

“No worries, I’m not thinking that you are weird. Believe me.” Arthur showed his dimples again at the Lucas’ respond and in that moment Emma showed up in the living room in her Pikachu pyjamas.

 

“Food!” She almost screamed, jumping on the sofa.

 

“Oh, yeah. I made some. I feel bad that I was so weird yesterday so” Lucas tried to explain himself. He wasn’t sure if it was the right thing to do, but he could give it a try.

 

“You are not weird; you are literally life saviour dude!” Emma, again, almost screamed with mouth full of tomatoes and cheese.

 

Lucas giggled and sat near to the girl.

 

“We went shopping yesterday but we were back with less money and no food.” She added when she finally swallowed the first bite. “So, your breakfast save us from starving.”

 

“Well, I think you don’t completely understand the concept of shopping.”

 

As Lucas could later discovere, after they went out from the house they meet their neighbors. They were just back from holidays and invited Emma and Arthur for some long-time-no-see drinks. And what Lucas could notice, both suffered because of the hangover. After all, he was glad that he went to his old house. He was surrounded by too many emotions lately and meeting new people wouldn’t be a good idea.

 

“So, how was your day Lucas?” Arthur asked when he and Lucas simply rested on the couch while Emma signed up for cleaning up.

 

“I was at my home, spending some time with my aunts.”

 

“You didn’t live with your parents? ” Emma asked. “I mean, you don’t have to talk about it if it’s uncomfortable.” She added right away, seeing Lucas’ expression changed a little.

 

“No worries, it’s not a secret after all. I’m living with Tamara since I was seven or eight. I don't remember exactly. My mum has started her new life and my father well, wasn’t very good at parenting. So, Tamara took me and after three years Matilda moved in and since then they are my little family.”

 

Lucas smiled during talking about the women. They were always a good reason to smile.

 

“Oh, so your aunts are not real aunts?” Arthur said without thinking.

 

“Okay boi, your one functioning cell has some problems these days.” Emma commented, throwing a cloth on the blond guy.

 

“What do you mean not real?” Lucas asked, paying no attention to the girl.

 

“I mean, they are together and not your relatives, right?” Emma rolled her eyes hearing her friend.

 

“Oh,” Lucas was in a little shock because living with two women who were in the relationship was so normal for him that he sometimes forgot that for others it could be weird. He didn’t mind it much. Until no one insults his aunts, he was calm.  "Yeah so, Tamara is my father’ sister and Matilda is her girlfriend. Is there any problem with that?“ He asked wishing that Arthur was not some kind of homophobe. How he could be if Emma had a girlfriend? But still, Lucas stayed a bit concerned about it.

 

"Of course not, Lulu!” Arthur claimed right away. “Just my curious personality is sometimes too much.” Lucas smiled with relief.

 

“Okay, Arthur if you stopped with you silly questions maybe you will ask Lucas if he has nothing against little party tomorrow.” Emma started, putting herself between two boys.

 

“Oh yeah, we talked with Eliott and Alexia about the ending of vacation and since our place is bigger than theirs, we thought that it could be a good idea to throw a party before all of you will be too overwhelmed with your studies. Of course, if you are not so into parties it’s okay. It’s not a necessity.”

 

Lucas shouldn't decide right away. He still wasn’t at the point to meeting new people but on the other hand he couldn't hide forever and Arthur is right. From next Monday his mind will be all around university. So without further thinking he said. “I’m in.”  Emma hugged both guys right away and started singing ‘party, we’ll have a party’. 

 

Definitely, the party wasn’t so bad idea.

 


	4. 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Why is it that people won’t be honest?” VW

When Lucas opened the door, he didn't expect such greeting.

 

“Hello bitches!” Blue haired girl screamed at his face with a huge bottle of vodka in her hands. “Um, hello.” Lucas answered with a little fear in his voice.

 

“Oh gosh, I thought it was Emma. Sorreh.” The girl apologized right away. “I’m Alexia, by the way.” “Lucas” They greeted each other with a short shake of hands and girl walked into the flat. Lucas heared the girls’ screaming behind him and even Arthur joined them. However, Lucas stayed in front of the door because he saw that guy from the day before.

 

“Hi Lucas.” “Hi.”

 

The shorter one couldn't understand what was happening with him around that guy. He was kind of overwhelmed by a lot of different emotions in the presence of his new neighbour.

 

“Can I come in?” Eliott asked politely with gorgeous smile on his face.

 

“Yeah, sure.” Lucas cleared his throat and let the guy in.

 

It was still quite early. Emma said that the rest of the guest would come after nine, so they still had about three hours to get everything right.

 

“Okay, wine is here, my delicious frittata is almost done so my part is done too.” Arthur claimed, checking the oven. “And don’t worry Alex; I made the vegan one for you.”

 

Lucas sat on the armchair and looked at Eliott. He couldn't stop thinking about his weird, well, weirder than normal behaviour around this guy. It was only their second meeting, but the fact that Lucas couldn’t understand himself pisses him off a little.

 

Eliott was leaning on the wall, sideways to Lucas so he could see boy’s amazing facial profile. Lucas was pretty sure that Eliott could not see his steering but at some point Eliott turned a little his head and smiled brightly towards Lucas. The boy immediately looked at his phone, pretending that he wasn’t a creep.

 

“So who’s coming?” Alexia asked, already drinking some drink made by Emma.

 

“Honestly, I don’t even know exactly. I send a message to all my contacts and Arthur did the same. So we’ll see.”

 

“Emma did you take care of ice supplies?” Arthur interrupted girls steering at Emma with squint.

 

“Well, I think so.” She answered but Lucas was pretty sure that she forgot about it. Yesterday evening they agreed on who would do what kind of work; Arthur was responsible for wine and cooking, Emma for vodka, ice, and cups and Lucas agreed to clean the house and buy some beers. He did the cleaning right away after he got up today. He likes cleaning so it wasn’t a very hard work for him. During the vacuuming, Emma woke up and she asked Lucas to buy the vodka on her treat when he was heading to the shop, and of course he had nothing against it. When he was back at home Lucas couldn't recall that Emma was out during the whole day so it was pretty impossible for her to buy an ice from home.  

 

Arthur checked the refrigerator, and sighed searching through all the drawers.

 

“Emma…” He sighed again and rolled his eyes. „One job Emma, one job.”

 

When Emma started to make a puppy eyes towards Arthur and begged for forgiveness, Eliott signed up as a volunteer for going to the shop. Arthur changed his grumpy face right away and grabbed Elliott’s hand already walking out from the apartment.

 

After the two guys went out from the flat Alexia and Emma sat near to Lucas and talked with him about his university. When he started his talk about piano, playing and composing, he completely zoned out. He started describing his very first moment of playing the piano. He could clearly remember that day.

 

It was his elevens’ birthday. Tamara and Matilda bought for him a series of Harry Potter books. He dreamt about it for so long. After eating delicious cake, with raspberries and blueberries, the best fruits according to Lucas, he wanted to read the entire book right away. However, Matilda had different ideas. They dressed up and went for a walk. At first Lucas thought that it was indeed just a walk. He was so happy and carefree. In that moment he felt calm, and he wanted to felt that as long as he could.

 

He always took from that kind of days as much as he could. Lucas was aware they were only temporary. At some point, Matilda stopped and squatted to be as the same level as the Lucas’ face.

 

"Well, mon cheri, it’s my little surprise. I hope you’ll like it.”

 

They went into the normal building. Nothing special about it. They went on the third floor and Matilda knocked on the door with number 77. Lucas liked numbers like this. Something repeatedly makes him calm someways.

 

Finally, someone opened the door. It was a pleasant looking guy. Man. He was about sixty years old or so and for Lucas he looked like Santa Claus but without red uniform.

 

“Hi Lucas. I’m Xavier.” The man introduced himself. The boy looked up at his aunts with hesitance. He didn’t like meeting new people. He started feeling stressed and not safe in that place even though the man seemed okay.

 

“Can we go home?” Lucas asked quietly. He didn’t want to make the elderly man sad or angry, but he wasn’t feeling good.

 

“Five more minutes and if you still won’t want to be here we will go home.”

 

When Lucas looked further into flat he couldn't see Xavier anymore, but he heard some music. In that moment, he partially forgot about his fear and went into the room where the music came from. That was amazing. Lucas even ignored the fact that the new man played the piano. He didn’t care about anything in that moment; he simply focused on the music. It was fascinating. Xavier’s finger moved so smoothly on the keyboard and the melody was intoxicating.

 

“I want to play like this.” Lucas whispered when the man stopped his little concert.

 

“So all you have to do is to meeting me from time to time and practice all you can by yourself.” Lucas nodded his head with enormous sparkles in his eyes.

 

Present Lucas told almost the same story. He just passed the moments that could be slightly disturbing for Emma or anybody else. It was still too early for him to talk about his past and all the events which lead him to this place right now.

 

“Wow Lucas, you are really dedicated to playing. Your eyes really sparkle.”  Alexia said with amazement in her voice. Lucas only smiled shyly.

 

~~~~

 

Party was on. Was on definitely more that Lucas could expect. Way too many people appeared and way too many people were already drunk. It was only about midnight but Lucas had enough of it. He had drunk a little of wine but he was aware the alcohol wasn’t clearly for him. He tried to be just around, not talking with too many people. At the beginning, Arthur was with him all the time and Lucas was very pleased with it but he saw that many people wanted to spend time with his roommate so he let Arthur partying with his friends. Then, Alexia took him for dance and it was fun. She knew what to do at the dance floor and Lucas must admit that he wasn’t that bad dancer after all. But Alexia was occupied with others too. He even went for a short walk for clearing his mind. Lucas hoped that it would help him in having more fun, but it brought completely different effects. When he was back into the flat, the music became unbearable. The crowd was too big and definitely too drunk and too sweaty. He stood for a while in the hall looking at all these people. Near to him some couple was making out and others were trying to dance. Nobody noticed him and that was definitely a good thing.

 

Lucas couldn't take it anymore, so he went to his room. The music was still too loud but at least nobody was around him and he couldn't smell that odour. He tried to calm his mind. He wanted to puke, even though he didn’t eat much today. He had to calm himself and the only way to achieve that was playing the piano. He touched the keyboard and started to play the melody that Xavier played first time when Lucas was at his house but this was pointless. He couldn't hear proper sounds and his hands were shaking too much so he was more focus calming himself that paying attention to making proper sounds. He couldn't bear it anymore. He finally went to the balcony and shut the door behind him.

 

He sat near to the wall. Finally, zero annoying sounds. Finally, he could hear own thoughts.

 

Lucas took four deep breaths. He still could feel his hands were shaking, so he put them under his arms. He started to stare at the stars. The night sky was quite clear and he could see many stars even though he was in the city full of lights.

 

“You okay?” Lucas heared voice near to him, and he almost jumped. “I’m sorry. Definitely I have to stop scaring you.” The boy looked on his right and he saw Eliott on a nearby balcony. He was sitting on the chair and playing with a package of cigarettes.

 

“So we have rooms wall to wall.” Eliott smiled toward Lucas and again, he couldn't name the feeling inside him. That thing starting to be very annoying for him.

 

“I didn't see you much at the party.” Lucas spoke before he even could think about his words. Eliott smirked again but this time mostly to himself.

 

“I was at the beginning but I had to end my work. Paint couldn’t wait. And after that I just didn't feel like to party.” He explained calmly while copping a drag. “Want some?” Eliott offered a package of cigarettes to Lucas but he shook head in refusal. “I don’t have to smoke if it bothers you.”

 

“No worries, I don’t wanna take your pleasure from you.” Eliott smirked again and Lucas couldn't keep his smile this time. “So you are a painter?” He tried to maintain the conversation. Something in his head was telling him to get to know Eliott and even though he was afraid of making a fool of himself, he wanted to know this guy.

 

“I don’t think I am but at least I’m trying to be.” A few moments of silence passed between the boys but surprisingly it wasn’t weird after all.

 

“And you are a musician, right?” Eliott asked after smoking his second cigarette. “Alexia told me that you are playing the piano.” He explained before Lucas could talk.

 

“I’m trying to be.” Lucas repeated Eliott’s words and both guys laughed a little.

 

“How do you end up with Arthur and Emma?” Blond boy asked another question.

 

“I’m starting university on Monday so I thought that is right time to move out from my aunts’ home. You know, living by yourself, grown up and other shit.” This time Lucas smirked towards Eliott because he couldn't cope with this guy in the other way. He just had to laugh a little, otherwise he would only stare at him like a creep. Eliott showed his gorgeous smile.

 

“Oh man, thank you, I lost a bet with Alexia and I’ll have to do the dishes whole next week.” He said with some sarcasm.

 

“What, why?” Lucas was surprised by the change of the subject. He couldn't understand Eliott’s point.

 

“She said that you are nineteen but I was sure that you are older. Now I lost and I’m screwed. I hate doing the dishes.”

 

Lucas laughed again and it was so nice, laughing without any tension.

 

“No worries, I had twentieth birthdays on July. So you won.”

 

“Ha, I knew it!” Eliott almost jumped on his chair and Lucas couldn't recall any other more precious thing than that in this moment. “So you had a gap year after high school?”

 

“You are very curious person, Eliott” Lucas answered but without any anger. He simply wanted to remember that thing about the other guy.

 

“Sorry, I didn’t wanna be an asshole.” Eliott responded right away with puppy eyes.

 

“I like questions from you so you are not an asshole. And yes, I had kind of a gap year. By the way, you are just casual painter or maybe you are studying some arts?” Lucas really didn't mind blond guy's questions, but he prefered to know more about him than to talking about his complicated life.

 

“Both. I’ve been painting for as long as I can remember, so when I finished high school I knew that the only thing I can study is art and now I’m on my second year at the Paris College of Art. I had a gap year too so I’m twenty-two.”

 

Lucas nodded his head and in one second something struck him hard.

 

“You know some teachers from that university, right?”

 

“Well Lucas, as a proper student I have to keep in touch with my lecturers, so yeah, I know their names.” Eliott responded with his cute smirk and Lucas only rolled his eyes with smile.  

 

“I mean, my aunt is one of the teachers there so maybe you had lesson with her or something.” After speaking Lucas wasn’t sure if it was a good idea to tell everybody that Tamara works at the same uni which he’ll be attending too. But for now, it was only Eliott and Lucas could always asks him to not telling anybody about it. He had a feeling that he could trust Eliott.

 

“What is her name?”

 

“Tamara Lallemant”

 

When Eliott heared the name he almost chocked with the smoke of his cigarette. Lucas immediately stood up, trying to reach Eliott to slap him in his back but at the end the help wasn’t needed.

 

“Are you joking with me? Alexia asked you to do it or what?”

 

Lucas narrowed his eyes with wonder. Again, he had no idea what Eliott was talking about.

 

“Why should I be joking about it? Tamara is my aunt and she’s teaching at the Paris College of Art.”

 

And then Eliott started talking about how much he admires Tamara. For him, she was one of the best contemporary artist in Paris or even if France. Eliott couldn't wait to have lessons with her because at his first year he hadn’t any opportunity to meet his art mentor.

 

“Lucas, I’m fan of your aunt’s works since I was, I don’t know, eight maybe. She is amazing! I was at her four exhibitions. She is my muse, I mean, her work. Wow. You are related with the star of our art generation. You are so lucky.” Lucas couldn't cope with the amazement in Eliotts’ eyes. This guy talked about his aunt like she was some kind of guru or even somebody from another planet. It wasn’t funny but Lucas had to laugh a little. He never met some of his aunt’s fan and sometimes he even forgets about her popularity in the art world. She doesn’t like any fleshes putting on her face or doing any interviews and for Lucas she is really normal, maybe too chaotic, person.

 

“You have to think that I’m kind of crazy or something like that.” Eliott added shyly trying to put out one of the cigarettes from the package.

 

“No, definitely not crazy, Eliott.” Lucas responded with smile and in that exact moment Eliott’s hands stop shaking. “I think I would react similar when somebody will tell me that knows very well Jean-Philippe Rio-Py. He is my kind of guru.”

 

Sharing such thing with anybody was for Lucas very intimate moment. The last person who got that information was Imane, but he knew her then about three months already, and they spent much time together, so it came up naturally. But surprisingly, with Eliott it was even more natural. No pressure, no stress talk. Simple conversation about any interests.

 

“Okay, I have no idea who he is but I’m gonna reach him and become his friend so you will definitely feel the same as me.” Eliott told, putting away the cigarettes. He felt like he didn’t need any smoke right now.

 

After a huge smile on Lucas’ face, Eliott started talking about the college. He described every detail about the building and even though Lucas couldn't understand some of the special terms he didn’t want to stop Eliott’s talk. His words were full of happiness and enjoyment. Every aspect of that school fascinates him. Lucas stared at his sparkles eyes and smiled all along.

 

Both of them completely forgot about the party and it was until Eliott’s phone made a quick buzz.

 

“Oh wow, it’s already half past two.” In the exact moment Lucas yawned which make Eliott giggled.

 

“You are tired, you should get some sleep.” Eliott spoke with care in his voice.

 

“And you?” Lucas asked trying to not yawn again. "I’ll go to sleep at some point too.”

 

“I can keep you with my company until you will be tired as me.” Lucas offered with little smile. It was weird for him to behave like that. In every occasion in the past he avoided as many contacts with people as he could. They make him distracted and that was one of the worst feelings for Lucas.

 

“I cannot ask you for such thing. I would be a jerk.” Eliott responded nicely but something in his voice triggers Lucas a little. A part of him wanted to ask if Eliott was okay because even though it was night, and the lanterns from the street didn’t give proper lightening he could see that something in Eliott’s face has changed.

 

Lucas wanted so badly to keep that nice night talk with taller guy but the tiredness started to be unbearable for him.

 

“You should really go to sleep, Lucas.” Eliott spoke and in that moment the younger one realizes that he had close eyes. He yawned again and smiled.

 

“In that case,” He started turning towards Eliott and the older one did the same. Boys were separate by the balconies but still, they were trying to be as close as they can.

 

“In that case” Eliott repeated.

 

“Goodnight, Eliott.” Lucas finally spoke, breaking the eye contact.

 

“Goodnight, Lucas.”

 

Lucas went into his room and closed the door of the balcony. He could hear the part but now that thing didn’t bother him as much as before.  He changed his clothes into pyjama bottoms and went to bed. He fell asleep as fast as his head touched the pillow.

 


	5. 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “All extremes of feeling are allied with madness.” VW

During last weekend of vacations Lucas didn't do much. On Saturday morning he cleaned almost the whole house. The party was, as he could assume, pretty awesome and when he woke up after eight o’clock he bumped into some Arthur’s and Emma’s friends. Those people were clearly still drunk or maybe they just had no idea what was happening around them because of the hangovers and they mistook Lucas as one of his roommates.

 

He cleaned the kitchen and segregated all trash. He had good sleep and even though he remembered that he didn’t feel so good during the party, on Saturday his mood was completely different. Arthur and Emma woke up almost at the same moment and both of them had huge hangover that even the sound of coffee girder was annoying for them. Lucas spent whole day with his roommates just lying on the sofa and getting feet massage from Arthur. Next Arthur’s typical thing. He likes doing this to people who are close to him, and as he said, Lucas is already such person.

 

The Sunday was very similar, however that day Emma made breakfast to show how grateful she was to Lucas for cleaning and taking care of her and Arthur during their hangovers. The second half of the day Lucas spent in his room, completing his new piece. He was so amazed how easy it was because for the last two weeks he had huge problems with composing and then, out of the blue, he wrote it and he was so proud. He wanted to call to Tamara but he realized that it was already after eleven in the evening so he was aware that it wasn’t a good idea. He prepared some stuff for his first day at the university and went to sleep still smiling and feeling proud.

 

“Wakey up, Lulu” Lucas heard Arthur’s voice and felt that somebody started tickling him.

 

“Oh my gosh, what’s time is it?” Lucas jumped from the bed, looking around the room with still sleepy head.

 

“It’s only seven thirty; you said you have to be at college before nine thirty, right?” The blond guy laughed a little, lying on Lucas’ bed. “Oh for fuck sake, Arthur. I thought that I overslept!” Lucas leaned head on the wall and closed his eyes. He didn’t like such waking ups but he did’t want to make a big deal of it.

 

“Sorry, I just made a breakfast and I wanted to make your day better because I can predict that you will be much stressed today.”

 

Lucas couldn't be angry at those puppy eyes of Arthur. He smiled to the blond guy and after putting a t-shirt on his chest he went to the kitchen.

 

“I remember Emma’s first day. She couldn’t sleep the day before so we watched movie together to about four in the morning and of course she overslept and went crazy at the morning but at the end she realized that she didn't have to attend for the opening of the year and she went back to sleep.”

 

Lucas laughed because he just imagined how ridiculous that scene had to look.

 

“And today she isn’t going either?” Lucas asked, eating the toast made by Arthur.

 

“She does but later. She has her first classes after eleven so I’ll weak her up before nine.”

 

When Lucas had prepared himself for his big day, he glanced at the mirror in the hall. He looked pretty simple but smart. As he likes.

 

“Handsome” Arthur commented, winking towards Lucas. The boy smiled and after checking four times if he closed his bedroom door, he reached to the exit. “Good luck!” He heared blond guys voice.

 

When he closed the door behind him and turned around he almost bumped into somebody.

 

“Good morning, Lucas.” Eliott smiled to him with cute sparkles in his eyes. “Going to university, I assume.” He clearly checked out Lucas with grin on his face.

 

“Yup. You too?” Lucas asked with little hope that maybe he wound't go there alone. He knew that he could always call for Tamara but well, it could be damn lame if he reached the campus with his aunt. Whose is a teacher there, to boot. “Yeah, but I little bit later. I have to go somewhere before.”

 

Both of them just started to look at each other with silly smiley faces.

 

“I should be going; I don’t wanna be late on my first day.” Lucas finally spoke, reminding himself that he couldn't just spend the whole day looking in Eliott’s eyes. There was no reason for that. He probably made enough an idiot of himself because that whole staring thing.

 

“Yeah, same here. I have to go, there, erm, somewhere.” Eliott responded, trying to fix his messy hair with his right hand but at the end he made even bigger mess than before. Lucas smiled again to the boy but momentarily thought of being late came up to his mind and he almost run to the exit.

 

“Good luck, Lucas!” He heard Eliott voice and turned around for a moment but he couldn't speak. His voice was out of his control.

 

Lucas reached the bus stop and in next fifteen minutes he stood in front of the main gate of the university. It wasn’t the first time he was in this place but that time was different. In the past he was going there to meet Tamara or from time to time going for some students’ music recitals. Now he was there by himself and felt completely different, with more courage and definitely better attitude to life. He took deep breath and opened the door.

 

After two hours of a few speeches of university dean and other important people he was finally free. Right away he went for a walk through the campus and he called to Tamara.

 

“Hello. As I promised I’m calling after the ending of my first day at uni.”

 

“Hello, mon cheri. Wait a sec.” Lucas heard some door closing in the background and a half minute of silence. “Okay, I can talk.” Tamara spoke again and he clearly could feel, even over the phone, that she was smiling. “Where are you?” Lucas asked and in the same moment he realized that his aunt had some lectures already, at the first day of university. “Shit Tam, I’m sorry, you are busy. I’ll call you later!” He wanted to hang up right away but Tamara stopped him. “Lucas, no worries. I gave them some work to do during their first class so I can talk.”

 

Lucas sighed with relief. He hated when somebody interrupts him during his work so he’s trying to not to do the same to others.

 

“So, what’s the first impression?” Tamara asked with curiosity. “Well, it’s not that bad. My year is not so big, only about sixty people and we are divided into three groups. Tomorrow I’ll have my first lecture at nine, so it’s fine by me.”

 

“Great! I’m gonna check your lecturers, just in case.”

 

Lucas rolled his eyes. He knew that Tamara wanted the best for him but he was not a child anymore and what was most important, he didn’t want any different treatment only because his aunt works at the same university.

 

“Tamara, please don’t.” He said calmly. He wasn’t mad at her, just trying to talk over that idea and persuade the brunette that it was not so good for him. “I can deal with everything by myself at university. I appreciate but seriously aunty, no need of your help in that case.”

 

The silence on the phone started making him stressed. He didn’t want to argue with her and of course, not offend her.

 

“Of course you can take care of yourself. I know that. Sometimes just forgot that you are so big boy.” Tamara finally spoke and for Lucas her voice didn’t sound sad or angry so all was good.

 

“Yeah, call me big boy and of course I’ll feel like one.” Lucas laughed a little, wandering around the university buildings.

 

“So what are you saying for some lunch together? I will be free in about half an hour.” Tamara proposed, and Lucas clearly heared that she was walking around the place where she was. Of course she couldn't sit in one place longer than five minutes.

 

“Sure, tell me in which class you are and I’ll be there in five.”

 

“177d, see you soon, mon cheri.”

 

Lucas ended the call and put his phone into the back pocket. He still had some time but he decided that wandering around art department would be more interesting than just looking at the buildings outside.

 

When he went up at the third floor he was able to see through almost all classes because of the glass windows. He reached to the Tamara’s one. In the class were about fifteen people. All of them were standing in front of easels and paint were all around them. As he could predict Tamara’s classes were as chaotic as she was. None of the students was paying attention to him. All of them were so focus on their work. Lucas couldn't see what any of them were painting but still it was nice to see people that were so invested in their work.

 

In one moment Lucas’ eyes fell on arms of one of the guy. This boy wore black t-shirt without sleeves. His movements were so smooth and precise. Lucas could clearly feel the emotion which the painter wanted to show in his art. When Lucas finally looked up at the face of the guy he realized that this was Eliott. Lucas’ eyes widened and he felt something weird inside him. That weird as during his first meeting with Eliott. And his night talk. And today’s morning.

 

Lucas knew that it was inappropriate but he finally had some opportunity just to stare at Eliott without being the creep. Nobody could see him.

 

When he realized that most of the students started moving, he looked at the same place where they were looking and in that place Tamara stood, talking and smiling to her new students.

 

He didn’t know why but he run to the stairs and hid himself. He felt as if students shouldn’t know about his relationship with Tamara, even though it wasn’t his department. During his staring at the door of the class, he felt vibrations of his phone.

 

“Lucas I’m sorry. We have to reschedule our lunch. Some stupid meeting with the staff.” He heared Tamara’s voice and smirked, knowing how much she hates that kind of meetings. 

 

“All right, we will meet tomorrow or maybe I’ll come for dinner at Friday, okay?” “Fantastic, mon cheri! I have to hurry up a little. See you soon!” Lucas ended the call and put his phone to the back pocket.

 

“Hello neighbour. Are you stalking me?” Again during this day he was scared a little bit by Eliott’s voice.

 

“What, no. I’m waiting for Tamara. I mean, I waited but now she’s running somewhere and I’m not waiting for her anymore.” Lucas started ramble and frowned at his own silliness. Eliott laughed with his soft and cute laugh and Lucas couldn't hold his own smile.

 

“So, how was your first day?” The taller one asked, heading to the exit of the building.

 

“Pretty boring, only some speeches and they gave me my timetable.” Lucas responded, and let Eliott before him in the door. “I’m gonna get grab a lunch with Emma and Manon, do you wanna join?” The older one asked when they reached the main gate.

 

“Yeah, sure. If it’s not a problem.”

 

“Of course it’s not! By the way we are neighbours; we have to bond a bit” Eliott giggled like a little kiddo and called to Emma. They spoke only for about a minute and after hanging up Eliott told. “She’s waiting for Manon near to my department so we have to go back.”

 

When the guys walked to the girls Lucas already could see from the distance the group in which Emma stood. She held hand of the little brunette so that had to be Manon. Around them stood four more people and when Lucas saw the face of the girl with hijab on her head his eyes widened unnaturally.

 

“Are you okay?” Eliott asked, noticing that Lucas’ slowed down a little bit.

 

“Yeah, yeah. Everything is fine.”

 

When he and Eliott went very close to the group the girl turned to Lucas and her face changed rapidly from smile to shock and for a short moment Lucas could clearly see the guilt in her eyes.

 

“I have to go.” Lucas could hear her voice and just like that, she run away.

 

“Imane!” Manon shouted at the girl but she didn’t turn to them anymore and disappeared in the crowd of students.

 

Lucas could clearly feel that Eliott was staring at him but he didn’t want to show that anything bother him so he tried to ignore the taller guy.

 

“Lucas, you can finally meet my girlfriend. Manon, this is Lucas, my new roommate.”

 

When Emma’s girlfriend turned to the boy he experienced another shock.

“Hi.” He spoke a bit too quite, like he was out of his breath. “Nice to meet you Lucas, I hope to get to meet you before but I couldn’t manage to the party. I've heard so much about you.” She smiled to him and he completely lost it. Frist Imane, now that resemblance.

 

“You know, I just reminded that I have to meet with my aunt. I promised her that I’ll eat lunch with her after opening day. Sorry guys. See you at home Emma!”

 

Lucas turned around and rushed up to the main gate. It was too much for him as for one day. Too much memories of the past. He felt that his hands started shaking. He wanted to call Tamara but she was probably still at the meeting and even though Lucas knew that if he called her, she would throw everything and come to him but he couldn't just do that. So he called to Matilda.

 

“Good morning, mon cheri. How was your fir..” “I saw Imane” He stopped her and on the phone remained silence.

 

“I’m at home Lucas, you can come here if you want.” Matilda finally responded and he hanged up without any more word.

 

When he reached the bus stop he closed his eyes and counted to four. He had to convince himself that nothing bad or important happened. Because clearly, nothing happened.

 

But still, he couldn't just stay there, pretending that he was fine when he just felt that his mind started working like crazy. He wanted to go back to his house, do some cleaning or maybe composing. Something to calm down. But he knew that meeting with Matilda was a better option.

 

In next half an hour he sat on the same place as a few days ago but now only Matilda was hugging him. He didn't call to Tamara yet.

 

Matilda didn’t ask any question. She made a tea and sat with Lucas on the terrace, waiting for the moment when he will be ready to talk. 

 

“They must think that I’m crazy or something.” He finally spoke, putting down the cup of tea. “Hey, you are not crazy. We already talked about it, Lucas.” Matilda told with a slightly raised voice.

 

“I know, I know.”

 

They sat there in silence for a little while. Lucas wanted to talk but still had in mind the look on Imanes’ face and the Manons’ one which was so familiar for him. Finally, he took deep breath and turned around to sit face to face with Matilda.

 

“I saw Imane.” She just looked at him with little reassuring smile. “And at first I was a little bit shocked but I thought that I could pretend that I just don’t know her but when I came closer she just run away. Literally.” He closed his eyes because he was aware that his thoughts were so silly. He shouldn’t have think in such way. He remembered the promise that they made when they saw each other for the last time. At least, it supposed to be the last one.

 

“But it was okay for you, right?” Matilda asked when Lucas still didn’t speak further.

 

“Yeah, of course. I totally could pretend I don’t know her and it would be fine but. Ugh, it’s so stupid.” He shook his head and made a short sad laugh. “The moment she run away, it just hurts. She looked like I was some kind of a nightmare from the past. She wouldn’t be able to pretend about not knowing me and it made me, well, feel like an intruder. I don’t know how to explain this Matilda. I really want to know but I have no idea how describe my fucking feelings. It’s so shitty annoying.”

 

At the end of the sentence in Lucas’s eyes appeared tears. He wanted to talk about what was happening inside him but he just couldn't do it. Feeling so hopeless and exasperated with own mind.

 

“Come here mon cheri.” Matilda whispered and embraced Lucas. He put his head on her chest and closed his eyes. He couldn't cry. The tears were only for one second. Lucas has learned to control it.

 

„I need to play.” Lucas said out of the blue and he got up.

 

„Are you sure that you don’t want to stay for tonight?” Matilda asked but she didn’t push it. He just smiled a bit and after kissing her forehead he left the house.

 

Lucas decided that the walk would be more appropriate even though it would take him about an hour or more. He walked around unknown people whose were running to their places-to-be. He tried to distract his mind, to focus on something different than his own life. Irritation was rising in him more and more with every second. When he was trying to not thinking about his past, unfortunately his mind decided to concentrate only on the worst moments. He knew that his only escape right now could be the piano.

 

He came to the flat and without checking if anybody was there he went to his room and closed himself inside. He sat near to the keyboard and started playing. To stop thinking. Stop feeling all those things which he couldn't describe. To not remember anything.

 

He was so angry that such small things could bring him to this condition. He had to push all the memories and feelings away. Only in this way he could be able to function in proper way. Like a normal person he always wanted to be.

 

Only when he heard somebody’s knocking, he stopped playing. Lucas had no idea what time it was and in fact, he didn’t care but as he could hear, his roommates care about sleeping at night.

 

“Hey Lucas, I’m sorry but it’s almost midnight and I have to wake up very early tomorrow. Can you reschedule your practice, please?” He heard Arthurs’ voice and cursed under his nose.

 

“Yeah, of course. I’m sorry Arthur. I should have checked the hour. I’m really sorry.”

 

„No worries and by the way, you are a great pianist.”

 

Lucas smiled a bit and closed the piano keyboard. He took deep breath and finally got up. He definitely had been sitting in one place a way too long. His neck hurted, not to mention the back and legs. He went to the balcony and felt the cool breeze of October night.

 

He turned around and on the near balcony he saw Eliott. The older guy was just looking at Lucas with very heart-warming smile on his face.

 

“You were amazing. I mean, your play. You have amazing talent Lucas.” The shorter one still astonished by the look of Eliott almost didn’t hear his words. Only after a few seconds he nodded his head and thanked with little smile. “You played about five hours almost without any break. That’s impressive.” Eliott added, waiting for any reaction from Lucas. The younger was aware that he couldn't let his guard down again.

 

„That’s crazy Eliott, not impressive.” Lucas spoke harshly, not looking anymore at the boy. He put his hands on the metal frame, trying to focus his eyes on the roof of the building in front of him.

 

“You are not crazy.” Eliott commented softly, trying to maintain a conversation with Lucas.

 

„You don’t know me Eliott. You know shit about me.” The younger one responded shortly and looked at the other boy. And again, without any self-awareness he just drowned in his eyes. They were just looking at each other, without any smile but it was not unpleasant or connected with any anger.

 

Lucas felt that his infuriation disappearing with each second and it felt so good, so soothing. He knew if it wasn’t for the balcony railing, he’d have grabbed Eliott’s hands. He felt an urge just to touch the other boy and when he raised one of his hands, he momentarily heard in his head that this was wrong. He could not do such thing. He could not even think about it. He was too unstable to let himself showing his vulnerable side to anyone.

 

In the same moment Eliott started to smile. He noticed Lucas’ movement and he wanted to show him that this was okay. But before he could do anything Lucas turned around and once more, located his sight at the roof.

 

The moment of silence in Lucas’ head ended and his feelings started buzzing in him again. He closed his eyes, counting to four. He felt so tired with his thoughts. He wanted to just switch it off. Dealing with all emotions from the past was still hard for him and now, that weird something inside him which comes up every time he sees Eliott it was not helping. It was making everything worse. Lucas couldn't just stay there and keep talking with Eliott. Getting knowing him and letting Eliott to know Lucas. It just could not happen.

 

„Goodnight Eliott.” Lucas spoke without any glance at the boy and with a bit too much force closed the balcony door behind him.

 

He curled up near to wall and grabbed his hair in his hands. His thoughts kept running in his head and it was unbearable. It was too much. Too much to handle, too much to understand. He stood up and almost without any awareness laid on bed trying to keep his thoughts shut.

 


	6. 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “The moment was all; the moment was enough.” VW

For four days, Lucas had tried to avoid his roommates as much as he could. Fortunately, Arthur wasn't around so much because his father needed him at his company, so he spent most of this time at work and probably only slept in the flat. Lucas wasn’t sure about Emma, but he saw her only one time, day after the ‘accident’ and before the girl had the chance to ask him about it he went out to the university. 

 

Saturday came and he was aware that he was not alone at the house. Emma was back yesterday afternoon and definitely she was with Manon because Lucas could hear two types of girls’ laughs and Arthur was back right after them. He even knocked to Lucas door but he pretended that he didn’t hear it and kept playing. He played piano almost all his free time after university. His mind was calmer right now but Lucas didn’t want to have any opportunity to lose it again like a few days ago. He really hoped that kind of breakdowns didn’t concern him anymore. But unfortunately, he just couldn't predict everything in life so he had to protect himself from any kind of unpredictable situation or, and it was more important, any new feelings.

 

Tamara and Matilda were calling to him every day and he kept posted them with everything. At least to the point that they weren’t worried about him more than normally. 

 

After practicing some new piano pieces Lucas laid in his bed. He knew he should do something at home but he couldn't manage to get up.  He tried to convinced himself that he deserved some time to do nothing. First week at the university wasn’t very hard, so he didn’t have any work to do and the piano was his only occupation. He wasn’t sure if he was proud of the new pieces he made, but still, he was working and he had new ideas so it was great for his mind. 

 

“Lucas, are you awake?” He heard Emma’s voice. Immediately a lump in his throat appears, in one minute he could imagine several reasons why Emma could be angry at him. “Somebody is waiting for you.” She added, even though Lucas didn’t say a word. The boy got up from the bed and after putting a t-shirt he opened the door.

 

“Hi Lucas.” He heard, and his eyes opened so wide that he had to blink several times with shock. “Can we talk?” 

 

“Hi Imane.” He finally spoke, having no idea what he should do. Imane was standing near to the door, Emma with Manon in front of Lucas, and now he was trying to avoid looking at Manon’s face. Arthur was leaning on the kitchen counter, looking at Lucas and Imane without any clue what was happening. 

 

“Okay, we are going for a walk guys.” Manon spoke first from the group and after cought Emma’s hand she headed for the door and after them Arthur did the same. Imane was still standing in the same place looking at Lucas with tears in her eyes. 

 

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry Lucas. When I saw you, I just panicked. I stopped thinking, I … “ The girl started to explain herself but in one moment her voice cracked and Lucas noticed right away that she began crying. Without any further thinking he approached and hugged her. Imane embraced him tightly as the last time when they saw each other. 

Lucas missed her so much. He pushed that thought deep down in his mind because he expected that he would never meet Imane again. They agreed that his friendship had to end after they left the centre. They convinced each other that they had to forget about their old lives, so it meant that they had to forget about each other too. 

 

“Imane, it’s okay. I understand.” Lucas spoke, putting a gentle kiss on the girl’s head. She became calmer after the hug so they approached the sofa. After a few minutes of looking at each other, they bursted into laugh even though they were aware that the situation was not funny at all. 

 

“I’m really sorry Lucas.” Imane apologized again, showing a real little smile.

 

“Seriously Imane, it’s okay. I freaked out a bit too but I thought that I just would pretend that I don’t know you. As we promised to each other, remember?”  Lucas reassured the girl and reached to her hands. “I couldn’t pretend that I don’t know you Lucas. You still are one of the most important people in my life. You helped me so much during this time in the centre.” Lucas shook his head a bit trying to deny it. “It’s true Lucas. My family had no idea how to help me and it was killing me every time when I saw their tears. And still, I couldn’t help myself but when I met you, uh. Do you have any idea how much you have changed my life Lucas Lallemant?” Imane smiled brightly to the boy, and he couldn't hide his smile too. “We never spoke about it because in the centre we lived day by day, trying to not thinking about the past and not so much about the future but now I want to tell you how I’ve changed with your help. Of course, now I am aware that it was mainly my work and self-abnegation that I defeated anorexia. My doctor helped me to appreciate my own job too but Lucas, you were there with me all this time. When I punched you, when I screamed at you, you hadn’t stopped. You said that you understand me and you know, for a long time I thought about it as some bullshit. But you were there for me. And that was the most important thing. Just being near for me. And look at me now. I’ve just started my first year at university, studying what I’ve dreamed of and I’m even trying to get back to dancing.”  

 

“I’m so proud of you Imane.” Lucas wasn’t able to tell any other words. Of course, he knew he helped Imane. She helped him too. Their doctors and families repeated numerous times that they were amazing friends and Lucas always responded to such sentences with smile and nodding his head but Imane wasn’t very open about her feelings in that time, so he never heard such words from her until now. 

 

“I regret that I proposed that stupid promised to not contact with each other.” The girl spoke again, searching through her bag to find some tissues. “Back then it was proper idea, I think.” Lucas responded, heading to the kitchen to make some tea. “No, it was stupid and I should apologize for that too.” Imane claimed toughly, walking to the kitchen. “End of any apologies for today, okay?” He told with little smirk, showing to the girl two types of tea. She chose the green one and smiled to the guy. 

 

“By the way, how did you found out where I’m living now?” 

 

“I’m Manon’s roommate so I talked with her a bit about that incident. Finding you wasn’t so hard to discover.” 

 

Lucas smirked and put two cups on the kitchen counter. “So I went into the group where everyone knows each other, huh?” 

 

“You know what it’s called?” Imane smiled, without any tension between them anymore. Lucas peeked at the girl with an unspoken question. “Destiny Lulu, destiny.” 

 

Both laughed, this time with very real and honest laughs. 

 

“So, what are you up to nowadays?” Imane started conversation when both of them were sitting on the couch with cups of tea in their hands. 

 

“Well, I moved out from Tamara’s, as you can see. I’ve started the first year at the same university as you and I’m still composing a bit. Nothing much.” Lucas shrugged his shoulders, taking a sip from his cup. Even though Imane was the person that he liked to talk with he really didn’t have much to say. His life wasn’t with full of sparkles or unexpected adventures. Lucas definitely prefers to have life as simple as possible, of course simple with his own meaning. 

 

“I’m pretty sure that ‘a bit’ is an understatement. I loved your music and I’m missing that a lot. Do you mind playing for me your ‘a bit’?” 

 

Lucas couldn’t resist and with a huge smile on his face he took Imane’s hand and went to his room.  He thought what he should play for her and after a few moments he took out the newest work and sat near to the piano. 

 

Imane sat on his bed in silence. She still remembered that Lucas couldn't be distracted during his playing or even before it. She noticed how his eyes started to sparkle when she mentioned playing, and it made her warm inside. She missed him so much and seeing that he was definitely better now, that he didn’t even hesitate to reconsider playing for her, just grabbed her hand and went to the piano. She was proud and happy. 

“I wrote it not so long ago and even Tam or Matilda haven’t heard that.” 

 

“I’m honoured.” Imane whisperd and smiled towards Lucas. 

 

Blue eye boy has started playing. The melody was so soothing from the very first note. Imane was so amazed how calm Lucas looked during playing. Aura in the room changed a bit into more intense, like every emotion was sensible and intensify. In Imane’s head appeared their first meeting, first time they were dancing and first time Lucas played for her. All the best moments of their friendship. She missed him so bad and now, she was sure that she cannot lose him again. 

 

In the same moment Lucas was in his own world. Even before touching the first key he felt just better. The tension and stress from the last days disappeared. He felt so light and calm. Imane was near to him but he couldn’t feel her. He wouldn’t feel anybody even if the room would be full of people. For very long time he wasn’t so proud of his work but now, he felt it right. During playing he started recalling when he found the inspiration and when the word inspiration appeared in his head in the same moment Eliott’s face appeared too. 

 

Lucas momentarily was back to reality. He noticed Imane’s smile and felt warm rise of sunshine from the last autumn sunny days on his back. He ended the last note and turned around to the girl. 

 

“Lucas, I’m speechless. Really. I’ve heard your work many times but you are just better and better and this, “ Imane pointed on the piano and just sighed with a big smile. 

 

The boy answered with shy smirk. It was not like he was unaware of his talent. He knew he was good at this but each time people were complementing him, he felt a bit awkward. 

 

“I met a boy.” Imane said out of the blue and Lucas’ elbow slipped from the keyboard. 

 

“Oh, okay.” He said with very visible shock on his face. Because Imane talking about boys and with such sweet voice, it was a shock. Lucas knew that she could change by the time they hadn’t talked but still, his shock couldn’t be unnoticed. 

 

“Yeah, I know. It's shocking for me too.” She answered with smirk on her face. “And don’t blame me for telling you that. Nobody knows this. Like nobody except my family of course, but meeting you and hearing your music. All of this makes me to open up to you as it was in the past. You shared your secret by music so I'm telling you mine.” 

 

“I’m glad you can still do this. It makes me happy that you trust me even though we haven’t talked with each other for a while.” Lucas said with genuine smile and took Imane’s hands into his. “You are still my best friend Imane.” 

 

They were staring at each other awhile. Like this few months were gone. Like they didn’t miss each other and everything was in the right place now. 

 

“Soo, who is it? Is he good for you? Is he treats you right? Is he handsome? Because you know, I cannot be your bridesman if you want to marry some troll.” Lucas started talking with a serious face, during jumping on the bed, next to the Imane. 

 

“Lucas!” The girl screamed and slightly punched Lucas in the arm. “But he is handsome.” She added in next minute and covered her face with pillow. 

 

Lucas took it from the girl with a bit force and starting to stare at her with meaningful face. 

 

“I’m waiting.” He said with the same expression. Imane rolled her eyes and after starting to stare at the ceiling, she talked. 

 

“He is a friend of my brother. After I was back from the clinic in our house Idriss’ friends have started appearing. I realized that they have never come to our house before because of my illness. “ Lucas wanted to interrupt Imane but she was quicker. “I talked with Idriss about this and he said that he hadn’t invited them before because I was at the first place in his life and he couldn’t just have fun with others when I was in such bad state but after my recovery he could take a breath. And it’s not like now I’m not at his first place anymore. Of course I am. “ She giggled a bit “But now he can live because I’ll live. I can see how my illness had affected my whole family. My own brother hadn’t much of a social life because he was so worried about me. But fortunately I’m better now and he’s too and in this point we are going to introducing Sofiane.” She added shyly and glanced at Lucas. He was still smiling at her, not saying a word, waiting for more information. 

 

“I met him a few times at our house and about a month ago he asked me out. I wasn’t so sure about this because of many things but after talking with my parents and of course Idriss I agreed and… “ She hesitated a bit and took a deep breath. Lucas was still patiently waiting for her new words. “I told him about my anorexia. I liked him from the very first moment I saw him and I couldn’t hide such huge part of my life from him. I know I could do it later but you know, I’m pretty straightforward.” Lucas smirked a bit and nodded. “And Sofiane listened my whole story. From the bullying in the primary school and moving out and giving up on dancing till the very last part about anorexia and the recovery. And I have also mentioned you.” She poked him in the stomach which made Lucas grin because he hated, like really really hated it because he was the most ticklish person he knew and Imane knew that very well too. 

 

“Your Sofiane reacted somehow when you have mentioned me?”  Lucas asked when he leaned on the headboard. 

 

“He wants to meet the person who helped me so much, and he isn’t mine.” Imane smiled widely towards Lucas and sat in the same position as the boy. “He is really amazing, Lucas. He knows that he couldn’t understand me completely but he's trying and I appreciate that. I told him that I’m still not so sure about this “our” thing and he said that he can wait for me as long as I need.” 

 

During the last sentence, Lucas noticed something even more bright than before in Imane’s eyes. She was so different and at the minute, totally the same while she was talking about Sofiane. 

 

“You fell for him so bad, Imane.” Lucas said, out of the blue, without further thinking. Imane turned to the boy right away he said those words, and she opened her mouth but her lips said nothing. Lucas smirked and got up from bed because he heard knocking on the door. 

 

He blinked four times before opening the door. 

 

“Hey. Hi. Can we come in for a moment? I forgot my keys and Eliot isn’t answering my calls or the doorbell and we have no money for sitting in some shitty coffee shop.” 

 

It was Alexia with some blonde girl. She was talking as fast as Arthur and Lucas without any word simply steps aside and let the girls in. 

 

Imane walked out from the room and she looked at the girls with a little shock. 

 

“Alexia?” 

 

“Imane?” 

 

Both girls hugged themselves right away. The blonde girl looked at Lucas with a question on her face and Lucas did the same towards her. 

 

“Oh, this is Daphne.” Alexia said, and the blond girl shook Imane’s and Lucas’ hands. 

 

“In this area everybody knows everyone else or what?” Lucas asked because more and more questions appeared in his head. “What?” All of the girls asked but after that nobody said anything, they only stared at each other. 

 

Lucas hated this kind of situation. He felt the anxiety would capture his thoughts in any minute. He needed to calm down. He needed to close his eyes and counts to four, but he couldn't do this in front of the girls. Imane probably noticed that Lucas’ expression changed because she started talking to Alex and Daphne so both of them focused on her. 

 

Finally Lucas closed his eyes, counted to four and took a deep breath. 

 

“I met Alexia at the campus. She is at the same department as me but on the second year and she helped me a bit during this week.” Imane explained to Lucas, heading towards him. She took his arm and went to the kitchen. 

 

“And I’m studying with Daphy and this goddess helped Emma and Manon get together because she knows Manon from her high school and well, I know Emma because she is my neighbour like forever.” 

 

“About a year.” Daphne interrupted but Alexia didn’t stop her talk. 

 

“And that’s why everybody knows everybody. Now you are in our special family and we won’t let you stop us from loving you.” Alexia came near to the boy and hugged him so hard that Lucas thought that maybe some of his ribs could be a bit damaged. 

 

“You know, you really talk much.”  Imane said with laugh. 

 

“Me talking much? Oh please, you haven’t heard Daphy but now she is probably too intimidate by Lucas’ appearance and that’s why she is so shy.” 

 

Lucas choked on his own saliva and Daphne punched Aleixa in the arm with very squeaky ‘Alexiaaaa’. 

 

“What? I can say when you are amazed by handsome guy and Lucas is a handsome guy but no luck here baby, he’s gay.” 

 

“Okaaay Alex, I think you really talked enough. Maybe we should check if Eliott has answered to your messages.” Daphne tried to stop this ridiculous conversation. 

 

Lucas was’t in shock as he was five minutes ago, but he didn’t want to be the part of this kind of conversation. He was too overwhelmed. At the beginning of the day he wanted only to lie alone on his bed and now in his apartment were standing three girls and as far as he was aware of his social skills, he had no idea what he should talk about. 

 

“I hope he finally get some sleep so maybe I shouldn’t call him like stupid.” 

 

“He still has problems with sleep?” Daphne asked and in the same moment she bitted his tongue. She looked at Imane and Lucas and the boy could clearly noticed that she shouldn’t have said those things. 

 

“Okay, so maybe I’ll make some tea and you will sit in the living room. You can stay here as long as you want.” Lucas said, trying to pretend that he didn’t hear what Daphne said. Alexia smiled towards him and grabbing Daphne hand went to the sofa.

 

“Help you with something?” Imane asked, staring at his face. 

 

“Nope, I’m good.” He looked at her with a bit annoyed grin. “Imane, I’m fine, really. And I’ll take care of the tea.” The girl only nodded her head and went to the blonde and pink haired girls.

 

When Lucas has started to pour the water into four caps, the front door opened and his roommates came in. Emma was still with Manon and even Arthur brought somebody to the house. 

 

“Basile!” Alexia screamed when he saw curly haired guy. 

 

“Hi, I’m Basile.” The guy shook Lucas hand and went with the girl to Daphne and Imane. 

 

“Everything’s all right?” Arthur asked, heading to the kitchen. 

 

“Yes, of course. But I have to do more tea.” Lucas nodded, trying to look easy with such amount of people, still trying to avoid Manon’s eyes. 

 

But clearly, he wasn’t feeling good. The party last week was different. He was warned that a huge amount of people would come, so he could prepare himself but now it was different. The amount of people was not so huge but still, completely unexpected and Lucas didn’t like such situations. 

 

He felt that Arthur was still looking at him so he tried to fake his smile. 

 

“I have to call to Tam, I’ll be back in a few minutes.” Lucas poked at his phone in the pocket at headed to his room. 

 

After closing the door, he counted to four, four times. Of course he couldn't call to Tam in such silly situation. He could hear happy laughs and some talk from the living room but for now he had to be alone for a bit. Of course he went to the balcony. Now he couldn’t play because he knew it would be too weird. The group of friend in the living room talking with each other and he, alone, sitting in his room and playing the piano. Definitely not an option. Now only the soothing sounds from the streets and the cool October wind could make his mind to slow a bit. 

 

After ten, maybe fifteen minutes of just sitting on the chair, which he finally brought to the balcony because sitting on the cold floor wasn’t so comfortable, he heared quiet yawning on his right side. He turned his head and saw that Eliott was standing near to his balcony’s door. He rubbed his eyes like a little kiddo and Lucas couldn’t resist smiling. Eliott probably just woke up from his nap and he looked like an angel. The last warm rays of sunshine place itself on the body of the older boy. He looked so good in this light and Lucas felt an urge to stood up and compose something new but the desire to looking at the boy was stronger, even from composing. 

 

“Good morning.” Lucas finally said when Eliott stopped rubbing his eyes. 

 

“Hey.” He answered with still sleepy expression. And again, both of them just started to stare at each other. Lucas, sitting on the chair, with head turned towards Eliott’s face and Eliott, standing near to the door, leaning his head onto the window and also, staring at Lucas, spellbound. 

 

“I’m sorry, for our last conversation.” Lucas broke the silence because his mind recalled the last time the boys were on their balconies. 

 

“It’s okay Lucas, really. I’m not mad at you.” Eliott answered with such calm and reassuring voice that Lucas really wanted to believe him. 

 

“No, it’s not okay and you have right to be mad at me. I want to explain myself but…” The shorter one wanted to explain himself, for sure. Tell why he was in the way he was. But he simply couldn’t. 

 

“But you couldn’t.” Eliott ended his sentence as he could read Lucas’ mind. The younger one just nodded his head without any smile. 

 

“You know, we can try to erase it from our acquaintance. I want to be straightforward with you, Lucas.” Blue eyed boy stood up from the chair and now both of them were standing in front of each other. “I really want to know you. You have something, something…” Eliott couldn’t end his sentence, but he smiled widely and Lucas couldn't resist doing the same, again. “I just wanna know more about you.” He finally ended even with wider smile, as it was possible. 

 

“You have no idea what are you gonna sign up for.” Lucas answered with such confidence that it was shocking even for him. 

 

“Well, I like to be surprise and I like surprising people.” 

 

The ritual staring had started again, and it probably could last for a long long time if Arthur hadn’t decided to come into Lucas room. 

 

“Sorry Lulu but I was knocking and you haven’t answered. We are ordering pizza and I want to ask what you exactly want.” 

 

Lucas glanced at Eliott faces but shortly shrugged his arms and turned towards Arthur. “I want vegetarian one.” 

 

“Make it two!” Eliott screamed, leading towards Lucas’ balcony. 

 

“Morning Eliott! Are you okay? Alexia is worried about you.” 

 

“Yeah, I’m better than okay.” The boy answered, looking at Lucas who was trying to pretend that this time he couldn't see it at all. 

 


	7. 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “It struck me then that part of my misery is not having you” - VW

When the pizza came, Lucas was still at his room. Eliott came to the apartment but Lucas still didn’t feel good and even though something was pulling him towards his new ‘friend’ he couldn’t just be calm all around all of new people. Lucas went to the living room only to say quick ‘sorry’ to Arthur and lied that he didn’t feel so good, after that he hugged Imane and they promised to each other to grab some dinner soon.

 

After that short moment, he was lying on his bed, pizza on his right side. That day was so weird for him. First Imane, next Alexia and Daphne and the talk with Eliott. It was definitely too much for him, and taking into account the last few days he was still too overwhelmed with his emotions.

 

He wanted to play piano but he had to play along with his lie so that way of calming himself was out of the list.

 

And the worst part, Lucas didn’t have any other way to make his mind calm.

 

Some minutes or maybe even hours later he heard opening and closing the door a few times. He took a deep breath feeling a bit better, knowing that this whole bunch of people were not at his apartment anymore. It was not the thing with liking them, he didn’t even have the chance to get to know them better, so he couldn’t decide what he thought about them. And funny thing, he was the person that didn’t let himself to do it and still, couldn’t pursue himself to try to know them better.

 

Lucas realized that when he was thinking about these new guys he hold his breath. He finally took deep four breaths and after checking if he didn’t hear any more sounds from the living room he came out from his room.

 

And as he expected, the living room was empty.

 

Some beer bottles and the pizza slices were lying on the table and the kitchen counter. He felt deep urge to clean this up but second before taking the first plate he shook his head and headed to the bathroom. He needed long and pretty cool shower. This could calm his mind for a bit.

 

When he reached the bathroom door from his right side somebody went out from the next room. It was Manon.

 

‘Hi Lucas, you will be there for a while or just quickly cause I need so damn much to use the bathroom.’ The brunette said with kind smile and Lucas without a word moved aside.

 

‘Thanks.’ She smiled again and went inside.

 

Lucas leaned back to the wall and closed his eyes.

 

He didn’t panic, even though that ten seconds with looking into Manon’s eyes were pretty horrifying. How it was possible that she had so similar eyes to Lilly's ones. Now he definitely needed that damn cool shower.

 

After about minute or two Manon went out from the bathroom. She smiled again so Lucas did the same. At exact moment he was closing the door, Manon appeared in front of him again.

 

‘Can I ask you something?’

 

‘Yea, sure.’ Lucas answered, feeling that something weird was appearing in his throat. As the words didn’t want to be spoken out.

 

‘Did I do something wrong or said something inappropriate?’ The girl asked pretty straightforward and Lucas stood in front of her with half open mouth, didn’t know what to say.

 

‘Emma said that I’m just exaggerating but from our first meeting you are pretty strange around me. First, you just run away, next time you didn’t even look at my face and know you are definitely scared talking with me or well, precisely listening to me, talking.’

 

Lucas was aware that he didn’t make great impression to Manon. Well, he was even more than aware of it but that was a bit scary, she resembles of the Lilly so much, precisely - her eyes.

 

He sighed, thinking how badly Manon had to think about him. His inner anxiety arisen and he felt the need to close his eyes and counting to four.

 

‘Give me a second, okay?’ He spoke without further thinking and went to the bathroom. He closed the door behind him and did the counting. Four times. His mind brought back memories of the meeting with the doctors and all the talks about honesty with people. And talking with Imane and how their friendship has started. He was still scared but Manon deserved to know the truth or at least the parts that Lucas was able to share with almost unknown person.

 

When he went out Manon was still waiting for him. Her expression wasn’t showing anger or sadness but rather concern.

 

‘I am sorry, Manon. Really, I’m so sorry that I was like that towards you. You didn’t do or say anything wrong and really is not about you. It’s my problem and I should deal with it just better, without upsetting others. I’m sorry.’

 

After his speech Lucas wasn’t sure if Manon was still concern or maybe angry. She was looking at her feet and after taking a deep breath she raised her head.

 

‘Well, you don’t have to apologize to me, really. I’m glad that is not about what I said or did but still, I can clearly see that is it something about me. But I don’t wanna push you to telling me anything that you are not feeling comfortable with. If it makes things better I can meet with Emma at mine or just anywhere else. I don’t wanna make you feel anxious at your own house, Lucas.’

 

The blue eyed guy tried to sense kind of a trick or maybe even pity in Manon’s voice but as Lucas could see she was genuine in her words. He was speechless because it was partially true. Manon’s eyes were making him a bit anxious but it wasn’t the case that were Manon’s eyes but that they were exactly as Lilly’s.

 

‘Manon, you are more than welcome in this house. I will deal with my problem as soon as I can and I don’t wanna make you feel bad for me or because of me. And thank you for understanding.’

 

Lucas was finally managed to tell the whole sentences without feeling a huge ‘something’ in his throat. The girl nodded her head with quick smile and when she almost touched the handle of Emma’s bedroom door she turned around to Lucas.

 

‘You know, if you ever want to talk about something my ears are open and if my appearance somehow distracting you from talking we can text each other.’ And without waiting for an answer she went to the room.

 

After a bit too long shower and way too much time spending on looking at the mirror Lucas was back to his room. He checked his phone and he realized that was almost midnight and also, he had some new messages on instagram.

 

_‘srodulv is following you’_

 

_‘srodulv sent a massage’_

 

When he checked the owner of the instagram he sat straight on his bed. It was Eliott. He found him on insta and even wrote to him.

_‘Arthur said that you were not feeling well and that’s why you stayed at your room. I hope you are better now_  . _’_

 

The message was sent about two hours ago. And before he could write an answer he saw new message came.

_‘Still awake? Feeling any better?’_

 

Lucas chuckled a bit under his nose, not knowing even why he did that.

_‘Yup, still up and I was okay but I just not in a mood to socialize.’_

 

Before even thinking about the answers Lucas press ‘send’ and just after that he realized that maybe it was too honest.

 

But in the same second he felt that it was right. He could be honest with Eliott. His body wasn’t tense and the mind wasn’t running like crazy as it was with talking with other strangers. And well, Eliott was not so stranger anymore.

_‘I feel you. Alex made me to come and well, I kinda hope that we would talk and t_ _hat thought made me to go to your place.’_

 

Lucas smiled reading the last part of the text.

_‘But at least I can talk with you now, right?’_

 

The smile widened a bit and Lucas shook his head. He was ridiculous.

_‘Of course._ _So what do you wanna talk about?’_

 

Ten seconds after sending the message Lucas could hear that something hit on his balcony door. He got up from his bed and opened them. On his right side he saw smiley Eliott, standing on his own balcony.

 

‘I don’t know. I just wanna talk with you. About something, anything.’

 

Lucas was still a bit shocked but smiled towards older boy.

 

‘Wait a second, I have to put on something, it’s getting cold.’

 

Eliott nodded understandingly. Both guys went into their rooms and in the same moment they appeared on balconies.

 

‘Nice blouse.’ Eliott commented, pointing on Lucas’ grey ‘ROMANCE’ hoodie.

 

‘Yeah, thanks. This is my favourite one’

 

‘And this is mine. Because I can hide and pretend that I’m invisible.’ Eliott spoke with voice of five year old boy and in next second he fastened his blouse that his head was inside of it. The zip was all over the hood so he really could hide his whole face in it.

 

‘See, I’m invisible.’ The muffled voice came from close black hoodie of Eliott’ and Lucas laughed a bit. This guy was really something else.

 

‘So, Alexia said that Daphy is into you. Not that I’m repeating the rumours, of course.’ The older boy told when he set his face free. Lucas sat on the chair and shook his head.

 

‘She cannot be into me. It’s impossible.’ He answered when Eliott sat at his chair as near as possible to the guardrail.

 

‘Hey, don’t be so harsh on yourself! You are a handsome guy and kind of mysterious and you are an artist! It’s very possible that pretty girl as Daphy is into you.’

 

Lucas felt his cheeks were becoming red and he was glad that the light from the night lamps from the streets made it not so visible.

 

‘First of all, thank you.’ Lucas though that maybe Eliott said ‘the handsome’ part by accident but his answer ‘not need to thanks for the truth’ was kind of unexpected. Lucas could feel the cheeks glow even harder.

 

‘And second, Alexia told Daphy right away that I’m gay, so no, she couldn’t be into me.’

 

At those words the smile on Eliott’s face has widened.

 

‘Oh, so glad to hear that you are not straight!’ He screamed and that made Lucas to almost jump on his chair.

 

‘What, why?’ He asked, looking at smiley Eliott’s face.

 

‘Well, both of your roommates aren’t straight as Alexia and me, I’m pansexual. It’s good that you are gay because the last straight guy that lived at Emma’s, just couldn’t handle the gay vibes from all over the places and people. He just had to move out.’

 

‘No way! He moved out because he was overwhelmed with the amount of gay people?’ Lucas asked clearly gobsmacked by Eliott’s words. It was unbelievable.

 

‘Yeah, and maybe because he found the job in the other side of the country, so maybe that was the reason.’ And he laughed, seeing Lucas’ face.

 

‘Oh you little fucker! You almost tricked me!’ Now lucas was screaming, understanding that Eliott just made fun of him.

 

‘Yeah, almost. I totally got you.’ Eliott answered, still laughing. Lucas couldn’t help himself but just laughed together with older boy. It was so easy, so calming.

 

When Lucas stop laughing aloud and just keeping small smile on his face he realized that Eliott was looking at him with some weird, astonishing sparkle in his eyes. He felt shivers on his skin and it wasn’t connected with the cold October night.

 

‘Why are you staring at me so much?’ He asked a bit too shyly but considering that Eliott was sitting very close to him, his words were audible.

 

‘Because you are beautiful and I love admiring beautiful views.’ Eliott answered without any hesitation or type of shyness in his voice. Saying that Lucas was in shock was understatement. He knew that he had a bit open mouth but he couldn’t control it.

 

‘Am I a bit too bold, right?’ Eliott chuckled, seeing Lucas’ expression.

 

‘It’s just, I well’ Lucas began but still, he couldn’t say the whole sentence. After a second or two, he took deep breath, closed his mouth and ends what he had in mind. ‘Nobody ever said that I am beautiful in such tone, like it was the truth.’  

 

Eliott’ face didn’t change a bit. His kind confidence is still visible and the admiration in his eyes couldn’t be unnoticed.

 

‘It is truth, Lucas. From time to time you should look at yourself in the mirror and say “I’m so damn beautiful and I know this”’

 

Lucas giggled at Eliott’s words but he could see the seriousness in his eyes.

 

‘I am looking at myself a way too much but only because my therapist showed me that method to calm myself a bit.’

 

After ending the sentence Lucas bit his tongue. He shouldn’t have said that. How this even happened? He hadn’t thought before he talked and that was a huge mistake. Eliott could sense the change in Lucas posture right away. He was a smart guy so he knew why this happened.

 

‘My first therapist said that I just shouldn’t think so much and my insomnia would go away eventually. And well, my current therapist is the third one so that moron knew nothing.’

 

Lucas needed a moment to process Eliott’s words. The older boy just admitted that he had a therapist and, moreover, he didn’t ask about Lucas inappropriate wordage. Eliott noticed that Lucas’ body became a bit more relaxed than a minute ago so he continued. He felt that Lucas had to listen his story, or at least a part of it and he wanted to share it with the younger boy.

 

‘I had that first idiot when I was eighteen; he was saying that is was still some teenage shit, that it was not a real insomnia. At first I believed him, because I was just a stupid boy and he was a doctor, so he has to be right. But of course, he wasn’t. My parents found a new one and she was great, she helped me a lot, and the most important thing, she wanted to hear what I wanted to say or sometimes not saying anything and she never judged me.’

 

Lucas was listening with his all body. He turned around to Eliott, and he was catching every word.  Eliott was the first person that Lucas knew, outside of the centre, who had some mental problems, and what was more important, who was not afraid or ashamed of it.

 

‘When I moved in here I had to find someone new and fortunately I did. Now I’m definitely better than two years ago but still I’m not in the state I want to be so that’s why I’m taking my medication and going to therapy.’  Eliott ended with small smile on his face, waiting for any respond from Lucas.

 

‘Thank you, Eliott. Really. I know that talking about such personal problems isn’t easy and I’m glad that you did this. You are amazing.’

 

The older boy smiled and he wished to see at least a bit happier expression on Lucas’ face but unfortunately, brunet frowned, as he was thinking about something unpleasant. Eliott guessed right away what he was thinking about.

 

‘Lucas, you don’t have to share anything with me if you are not ready. I didn’t tell you my story to push you to do the same.’

 

Lucas sighed quietly and with some kind of relief. Eliott was so forbearing and uncomplaining about Lucas’ behaviour.

 

‘Thank you, Eliott. You are right, I’m just not ready.’ He spoke, looking at other boy’ face.  And again, he could see in those amazing eyes these little sparkles and he couldn’t control his smile. ‘Your smile is so infectious.’  Lucas giggled, resting his head on the headrest.

 

‘This is only one of the hundreds positive things about me.’ Eliott responded with the same amount of confidence as always.

 

As Eliott mentioned his positive things, they started talking about his art and how the school was going. When the older guy mentioned Lucas’ aunt he couldn’t stop talking about her. She was his guru and Lucas couldn’t refrain himself from mocking Eliott about this. He would definitely tell Tamara about her new pupil. When Eliott started almost begging Lucas to not doing this, because he would lose his reputation of this ‘cool mystery guy’ at the university, Lucas’s phone rang. Both of them were surprised by that because it was almost two in the morning.

 

‘You have some stalker, or what?’ Eliott asked, trying to laugh a bit but Lucas picked up the phoned without answering to older guy.

 

‘Yann?’ He spoke to the phone, hearing the greetings from the other side.

 

‘Hi Lucas! Did I wake you up? Oh shit, I forgot about the time, fuck!’ Lucas giggled, and stopped Yann from the next apologises.  

 

‘No worries, I’m still awake. What’s up? Something happened?’ Lucas noticed concern on Eliott’ face so he smiled a bit, showing him that everything was alright. Eliott nodded his head slightly and focused his sight on the street lamps.

 

After three or maybe four minutes of talking with Yann, Lucas ended the call.

 

‘Everything is alright?’ Eliott asked right away.

 

‘Yeah, it was my best friend. He’s living in New York now so he forgot about the time zones.’ Lucas explained, but he could still see the change in Eliott’ expression. For a moment the silence appeared. Lucas had no idea what happened. They had so great talk before the call and then, the atmosphere became completely different.

 

‘You are still smiling so brightly after the talk with this guy. He has to be very important to you, right?’ Eliott spoke out of the blue and Lucas was so shocked by those words that he only was opening and closing his mouth a few times.

 

‘I’m a bit tired. I’m gonna go to bed now. Goodnight, Lucas.’ Eliott added before younger boy could say anything.

 

‘Goodnight, Eliott.’ He finally told but the door to the boy’ room was already closed.

 


	8. 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “The eyes of others our prisons; their thoughts our cages.” VW

During Saturday breakfast Lucas heard that Emma wanted to invite Alexia and Eliott for some evening boarding games. Manon and Arthur were very into this idea but Lucas, still remembered about the last conversation with his neighbour, decided that it would be better if they stay away from each other for a while. He felt like Eliott wasn’t into their ‘getting knowing each other’ now. Deep down Lucas felt that it was his fault. He began the subject about therapist and after all, he didn’t say a word about his problem. It was obvious that Eliott couldn’t befriend with person who was afraid of talking about their life.

So Lucas decided. He would spend the whole weekend with his aunts and he would try to forget about next ruined relationship.

The worst part of it was that Lucas felt really awful because of it. He wanted to get to know Eliott. To discover his likes and dislikes. In what way he’s smiling in various situation, or just simple things as what fruit he prefers and why it should be the blueberry, because for Lucas this is the superior fruit.

But maybe it was for the best. Eliott pulled out before anything could happen. It was definitely for the best.

‘Sorry guys, I’m spending this weekend with my aunts.’ Lucas said when the whole group started planning which games they would play. 

‘Oh Lulu, you cannot somehow postpone it?’ Emma asked with sad puppy face, which the girl was the specialist.

‘No, sorry. I promised it to them and I cannot break my promise.’ Lucas said calmly, not wanting to make any suspicions about his lie. Manon looked at him with a bit of a concern on her face so he faked a little smile. She had still a weird look in her eyes but she responded with the same ‘not so real’ smile as Lucas.

An about hour later Lucas was about to leaving the flat. In last moment near to the door Manon has appeared.

‘Lucas, I know you said that it’s okay to me being here but I feel like you are running away. I really don’t wanna feel like intruder in your own home, Lucas.’

The look on her face made the boy weak. She was really concerned and even a bit scared that she was the reason for his lie, which Lucas could clearly see that she could sense it. He looked quickly at the living room, where Emma was lying on the sofa, Arthur was gone in his room. Lucas sighed slightly and said.

‘Manon, I was honest yesterday. You can spend here as much time as you want. I’m not running away, really. Maybe I didn’t promise to my aunts anything but I just wanna spend with them some time.’

After confessing his little lie Manon smile a bit brighter.

‘Okay, I’m glad that it’s okay, at least with me.’

‘Yes Manon, and…’ Lucas hesitated for a moment. ‘Thank you for asking. It means a lot.’ And after quick smile he closed door behind him. When he was on his way to exit he looked at his neighbours’ door. For a short moment he wished that maybe he would see Eliott there but after not even ten seconds he just shook his head and went to the bus stop.

Matilda greeted him with a visible shock on her face.

‘I cannot believe that you would miss us so quickly, mon cheri.’ He hugged her and headed to the living room where his other aunt was checking some stuff from work. Lucas looked closer on her posture and he knew that he shouldn’t interrupted her. He and Matilda went to the kitchen and after making green teas they sat at his usual spot on the terrace, under tons of blankets because October wasn’t so good with warm weather.

‘So, what happened?’ The red head asked, seeing that Lucas played with the cotton salient from the blue rug, completely forgetting about his hot beverage. The boy was a bit zoned out so at first those words didn’t come to his brain. He needed a second or two to clarify his mind. Why he even was there? What happened?

‘Nothing.’ Lucas finally said, still playing with the strand.

‘Okay.’ Matilda answered but not with anger or some kind of disappointment in her voice. She knew that if Lucas didn’t want to talk, he wouldn't do this so she didn’t push him. They sat in comfortable silence, drinking their teas and staring at the garden. Lucas was amazed by the colours of the bushes. Autumn took over almost all the trees and red and orange overshadowed other colours. Only some bushes still had the green on themselves. All the plants were so peaceful and quiet. Lack of the wind made this place even a bit mysterious. Lucas felt that maybe something would jump out from the trees and the surrounding peace would be destroyed.

In few moments he knew that he was partially right. The peace was destroyed but not by something form the garden but by his aunt.

‘Okay, I finished. These guys are better and better each year, seriously. I feel like an ancient painter when I’m looking at their works.’

At first moment she didn’t notice that Lucas was sitting near to the Matilda and only when he straightened himself a bit, she almost jumped on him.

‘Mon cheri!’ She screamed, and literally jumped on the boy. 

‘I missed you too, aunti.’ He giggled a bit when the woman was hugging him definitely too tight. ‘When did you came here? I haven’t saw you.’ She added, sitting between Lucas and her love.

‘It’s because you were so focused on your work, baby.’ Matilda embraced Tamara’s arm and kissed her in the top of her messy hair. Lucas felt warm seeing their love. When these two women were together people could literally see love. You couldn’t feel bad or sad seeing such couple.

Tamara glanced at the read head and stole a quick kiss from her lips.

‘Lucas, you wanna see some of the best works?’ She asked the boy and without waiting for an answer she took his hand and they headed to the living room.

‘These three are the best. I mean, I’m not gonna extol anybody so you cannot say anyone about my preferences.’ She winked to him with her typical smile. Lucas couldn’t resist and he smiled too. It was almost impossible to not be so smiley and be at least a bit happier, even during bad days, around Tamara when she was talking about her work or her students. Her happiness radiated around the room.

Lucas has started to look at all of the paintings, mainly at those three that Tamara picked as the best ones, but Lucas stopped near to the last one.

‘You like it?’ Tamara asked, standing behind boy’s back. Lucas only nodded because he was captivated by that piece of art. ‘This was made by my new star. I haven’t talked with this guy yet but I can already sense that he has a huge talent. I have really good feeling for him and his future and seeing your reaction I can say that I’m not wrong.’ 

‘You are never wrong, my darling.’ Matilda shouted from the kitchen, preparing little snacks for her and her family.

‘Who did this?’ Lucas finally asked, turning around to his aunt, heading towards other woman.

‘Eliott Demaury. I had little chit chat with him and he is such a sweet boy. Maybe I’m gonna introduce you to him.’ Tamara said, moving her eyebrows in obvious way. When Lucas heard the name of the boy, he just cleared his throat and shook his head, trying not be so obvious, and he faked his laugh because he had to responded somehow for the last Tamara's sentence. It was so typical for her, finding for Lucas some new ‘love’ interest. But still, not succeeded in her task.

‘I know him.’ Lucas spoke, trying to not making a bit deal of it. ‘He is my new neighbour.’

‘Oh really? What a coincidence.’ Tamara almost jumped, smiling so brightly towards Lucas and Matilda just shook her head.

‘Oh no, no aunti. It is not like that, I … ‘ Lucas started explained, seeing the excitement in Tamara’s eyes but he couldn’t manage to end the sentence.

‘Anyone home?!’ All of the three people turned towards exit door and they saw Yann standing there with his bag in one hand and a huge bottle of Fireball in the other.

‘Yann!’ Matilda screamed and she run towards the guy. Lucas smiled brightly and with Tamara they went to the door. ‘What are you doing here? Something happened with your studies?’ Matilda has started asking questions right after she released the boy from the hug.

‘Nothing happened aunty, I mean nothing bad, they just.. Oh gosh, Lucas!’ Yann didn’t ended his sentenced because when he saw the other boy he jumped on him like his aunt on him a minute ago.

‘Good to see you, Yann.’ Lucas almost whispered, feeling so good in the arms of his best friend. They hadn’t saw each other for so long. One year ago Yann got a scholarship and he changed Paris University for one of the best law studies in New York. During holidays he got an internship in the law firm in the city. Since his departure he had no time to be back in Paris even for a week.

‘It’s so good to be here.’ Yann sighed with such relief in his voice.

‘I can see you are prepared for some gossip night.’ Tamara laughed, pointed at the bottle in the boy’s hand. ‘Of course I am.’ He answered and four of them headed to the living room.

After an hour or two and one empty bottle of whiskey later Yann told them about his new internship and that for about two or three months he would stay in Paris. His new boss asked the boy to be his chief assistant during one of the cases and because the boss had a good contacts with the authorities at Yann’s University, he could be in Paris and still studied law. Mathilda couldn’t be happier. Lucas could clearly see the excitement in her eyes, seeing and hearing so many good things about her godson’s life.

Lucas also was happy. From the very beginning of Matilda and Tamara’s relationship he was close with Yann. He treated the boy as his brother and they spent so much time together. They didn't have to talk every day but still they were close to each other. Yann was his springboard. When everything was falling apart Yann was there with his silly jokes, awful cooking skills, which he had to always show, and both of them could share the love to the best superhero ever, Spiderman. Lucas missed him so much when he was at the clinic but he was aware that Yann was living his dream. He devoted himself completely to his studies and he was gone far away in New York so the only contact between them was skype from time to time but still, the bond was as strong as a few years ago. And now Yann was here, only for a few weeks but still, he was there and that was mattered. 

‘Okay guys, it’s almost midnight and as you can see Tamara is too drunk to maintain any kind of proper conversation.’ Matilda, the voice of a reason, had spoken, taking care of her love. The other woman tried to pretend that she was alright but she almost passed out right away when her love took her in her arms and went with her upstairs. ‘Won’t stay long, boys!’ The red head shouted towards Lucas and Yann after disappearing in her and Tamara’s bedroom.

The guys laughed a bit, knowing they would stay till the sun would rise because that was their thing. Staying up all night and talking about everything and nothing. 

‘Oh, I missed them so much.’ Yann sighed, leaning his head to the headrest. ‘And you of course.’ He added right away when Lucas flipped his legs through the armrest of the chair. Blue eye boy nodded with a smile. He missed Yann so much too.

‘You haven’t talked much today.’ The other one started the conversation with a concern look in his eyes. Lucas tried to be not annoyed by this but something in him was a bit edgy about it. After the clinic every person who knew about his illness was looking at him with the same look. He had hoped that maybe Yann would be the person with a different look but unfortunately, his hopes failed him again.

Before Lucas could say anything Yann spoke again. ‘I met someone special.’ The guy saw right away that his younger ‘almost’ brother changed his facial expression and it wasn’t very hard to guess why he did that so Yann knew that he had to change the subject.

‘Some American dream girl?’ Lucas asked, with calm voice. He was relieved that Yann has started new topic. That’s why he loved his friend so much. He always could see trough him on the spot.

‘Oh no, no. I said someone special. Special for you too.’ Yann winked and went to his bag. He pulled out something and with smile like a five year old gave some piece of paper to Lucas.

‘What is it?’ Blue eye sked and with hesitation he took the item from Yann. ‘Open it.’ Yann said, being so excited that he literally jumped on the sofa.

When Lucas opened the envelope he saw two pictures of Toby Maguire, one with Yann and other making Spiderman pose. Both of them were sign by the actor. Lucas screamed seeing the pictures and he burst into way too loud laugh.

‘When? How? Why didn’t you tell me before!?’ He screamed and without a proper reason he threw the pillow to Yann.

‘Hey, I gave you a piece of our superhero and you are treating me like this?’ He shouted and threw the pillow to the younger boy. ‘And I couldn’t tell you by the phone, I had to see your face.’ Yann added, now being a bit calmer, seeing how happy Lucas was.

The Sunday morning was as happy as the ending of the Saturday night. Or Lucas had to have corrected it because he went to sleep at almost five in the morning so his day had started in the middle of the last day of the week.

‘I told you shouldn’t have stayed awake so long.’ Matilda said with snappy voice, pouring some coffee into the four cups.

‘Baby, you are saying this as you still don’t know how both of them are behaving when they are together.’ Tamara said with still closed eyes, sipping her coffee, not bothering that the drink was way too hot. Lucas and Yann smiled to each other with their sleepy faces. It was so good to be together again.

‘Maybe you wanna meet my roommates today?’ Blue eyed boy asked, when the whole family sat in the living room. Tamara put her head on the Matilda’s lap, still a bit hangover from last night and the red head was already lost in her reading, not focusing on the conversation.

‘Yeah, why not. I don’t know when I’ll get the chance to do this. My boss is pretty bossy so I’m not gonna have a lot of free time here.’ Yann answered and after a minute he turned the TV on, of course choosing the Spiderman as his movie of the day.

Yann and Lucas took the bus to the blue eyed boy apartment. They were laughing almost all the time. For Lucas it was like they were kids again, without worries, just he and Yann being silly together. Right before the entry to the building he was laughing so hard that he didn’t notice the curb and he twisted his foot a bit.

‘Shit, I think I broke my ankle.’ Lucas sighed with pain because definitely it hurt as hell and going to all the doctors wasn’t something he needed.

‘Oh please, it’s probably nothing. Come on, jump on my back, we’ll be at yours in a second. Some ice and you will be good.’ Yann shook his head, trying to not to laugh of the Lucas’s clumsiness. Lucas jumped on Yann without a question and in the next second they were at the entrance of the building.

‘Maybe I should carry you as a bride, like I used to?’ Yann suggested and Lucas only laughed at this but he started fidgeting a bit so at the end Yann had to put him to the ground.

‘Hi.’ The boys heard the voice at the top of the stairs.

‘Eliott.’ Lucas couldn’t say anything else. He stared at the taller boy with half opened mouth. Yann eyes was jumping from Lucas to Eliott, being not aware what was happening in front of him. In the next second Eliott walked down and stood right in front of Lucas. Blue eyed boy finally closed his mouth and swallowed his saliva. He felt like his throat was way too dry. He needed to drink some water.

‘Erm, hi. I’m Yann, Lucas’s friend.’ Yann spoke, and that made Lucas to look at his friend, not staring at Eliott like he always did.

‘Hi. I’m Eliott, Lucas’s neighbor.’ Eliott answered politely but right after that he passed through the guys and left the building.

Lucas and Yann stayed silent for a few seconds. The younger one couldn’t make himself to act normal around Eliott and now Yann noticed that too. His ankle still hurt as hell but he couldn’t manage to move, still looking at the door where Eliott has disappeared.

‘Lucas, are you okay?’ Yann asked, seeing that his friend was in some kind of trance.

‘Yeah, sure. Brilliant.’ Lucas answered without further thinking and he started to jump on his one healthy leg on the stairs. ‘Oh come on, I’ll help you.’ Yann rolled his eyes and took Lucas in his arms, as the bride, but this time Lucas didn’t laugh.

‘You can put me down.’ He said about two minutes later when Yann managed to went to the front door of Lucas’s apartment. He did that without a word, waiting in silence till Lucas opened the door.

‘Lulu!’ Lucas heard Arthur’s voice right away he made a step into the flat. ‘I missed you.’ The blond guy hugged Lucas but he focused right away on Yann, making a flirty eyes towards new guy.

‘Yann, this is Arthur. Arthur, this is Yann and nothing will happen, he is straight.’ Lucas said without any emotion, heading toward the kitchen with aim to find some ice for his leg.

‘Nice to meet you Arthur.’ Yann said politely, smiling maybe a little bit too much because it was so obvious that Arthur fancied him from the first second he saw him.

‘What happened to you, Lulu?’ Blue eyed boy heard the question and he felt the kiss on his cheek. Emma looked a bit worried and the boy couldn’t stopped himself from rolling his eyes.

‘I’m just a bit clumsy.’ He answered and in a second he found a huge package of ice. When he was walking to the sofa with a little help from Yann, they heard the doorbell.

‘I’m gonna check it.’ Emma said, already on her way to the door. ‘Eliott? Something happened?’

‘Can I talk to with Lucas?’

Lucas heard Eliott’s voice and he froze again. He was so angry at himself that he was acting so weird around that guy. He had no idea what was happening with him and that made everything worse. Eliott didn’t wait for an answer, he just walked into the apartment.

‘Hi Lucas, can we talk. Privately.’

The silence after those few words were unbearable. Lucas sat just a second ago, his leg hurt as hell and he had such mess in his head.

‘Lucas?’ Yann whispered because the whole situation was so weird. Eliott was still waiting for Lucas’s answer and the boy wasn’t moving even a bit.

‘Yann, can you help me?’ Lucas finally spoke and in the next second he was standing in front of Eliott. ‘Come to my room.’ He added and without any help he almost jumped towards his bedroom. ‘So, what do you want to talk about?’ Blue eyed boy asked, trying to pretend that he was fine and of course, failing in that completely.

‘Yann is your boyfriend?’

Lucas didn’t expected such question. He sat on his bed because of the shock but also because his leg hurt so much.

‘Erm, and why should I tell you this?’ Lucas answered with a question, still in such state that he couldn’t even manage to look at the other guy. He thought that maybe he got a crack on the head, not just twisted his ankle and the last seven minutes were just a weird dream.

‘I like you Lucas. You know this, at least I hope you do but I don’t wanna fall for somebody who is in love in somebody else. I’m kinda tired of getting my heart broken.’ Eliott explained with such calm voice that Lucas was even more sure that it was just a dream. After a second or two without an answer, the older boy sat near to the younger one.

‘Okay, you are still silent so I’m gonna talk for a bit.’ Eliott started again, taking a deep breath ‘I’m trying to be very straightforward person, Lucas. I’m fed up of living with only question and guesses about others feelings. I should’ve asked you about Yann that night you talked with him on the phone but sometimes I’m just acting a bit too fast, without thinking. I know I could be too much but I know that you felt the same what I felt when I saw you for the first time. And of course I know that we have to just get to know each other and maybe we can only be friends but I prefer to know everything from the very beginning.’

After Eliott’s speech Lucas was even more confused than minutes ago. Of course he felt something in the same moment he saw Eliott for the first time but it was too much for him. He was not ready for such relation. Even though just a few hours ago he still wanted to get to know Eliott, now he knew that it wasn't a good idea. His life has changed so much in the last months and letting other people in was very freighting and definitely new for Lucas. And what was more important, nobody should be dealing with such person as him. He is too fucked up, still mentally ill and he will be in such state for a very very long time. He couldn’t do this to Eliott.

So he made his decision and he was even glad that the taller guy put the case so straightforward.

Still looking at the wall in front of him, Lucas took deep breath and this time he started his speech.

‘Yann is my friend. He’s like my brother.’ He could see in the corner of the eye little smile on Eliott’s face and he hated himself even more that he had to destroy it but he knew that it was for the best for both of them. ‘Eliott, I’m not good with words. Well, I’m pretty horrible with talking.’ He smiled sadly under his nose and he could feel the change in the Eliott body. ‘I’m glad you told me how you are feeling towards me but I’m not gonna lie. If you don’t wanna have broken heart, being with me is not so good idea. You have to trust me in this.’ He paused for a second and turned his face to Eliott. ‘I’m sorry.’ Lucas ended, not knowing if he should added something else.

The other guy looked straight into the blue eyes but it last only a moment. He lowered his head and with small sad smile he nodded.

‘Okay, I’m glad you haven’t lied to me or laughed at me. I really appreciate it.’

‘I would never laugh at somebody’s feelings and especially yours.’ Lucas answered with such confidence that for a second on Eliott’s face has appeared a real smile. ‘I’m really sorry.’

‘It’s okay Lucas, I promise. It’s not like I’m completely in love with you.’ In this moment both of them looked in each other eyes and they could swear that the earth stopped. ‘I’m sorry if I made you feeling uncomfortable. I should go now.’ Eliott spoke definitely too fast in Lucas opinion because he could stare in those eyes for eternity. ‘I hope we still can be balcony buddies.’ Lucas laughed at that title and before he could say anything else Eliott has disappeared again. 


	9. 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Nothing thicker than a knife’s blade separates happiness from melancholy.” VW

The first night that Yann spent at Lucas’ apartment was weird and uncomfortable for the blue eyed boy.

After Eliott’s leaving, Lucas was sitting in his room, with no idea what he should do or think. He felt nothing and everything in the same time. Like the empty black space was absorbing him and depriving him of his consciousness. Not until Yann came to his room, Lucas didn’t move even for a centimeter.

The rest of the evening Lucas remember vaguely. He was in the living room with the rest of his friends, Arthur took care of his leg. He knew that he talked a bit but the words were there only just to pretend that he was focused on the talk. His mind was away from the people who surrounded him.

Lucas knew that what he told to Eliott was right. That he did a good thing. After doing ‘the right thing’ he shouldn’t have felt such emptiness in his body. He barely knew this guy, so what was the problem.

Later, during the evening Yann was back at their aunt’s house. He wanted to stay, to talk with Lucas but blue eyed boy knew that it wasn’t a good idea. He supposed to be alone that night, and what’s more, Yann had the first, very important meeting at the Monday morning so he should get a proper time for sleep.

Lucas thought that maybe sleep would help him to forget at least for a moment about that conversation with Eliott but he was hopeless. At three and a half in the Monday morning he got up from the bed, got a quick shower, trying to not making a lot of noise. He wouldn’t want to be a burden for his roommates and Manon. After changing his clothes he has started cleaning his room. He knew that it wasn’t a good idea but what else was left? He couldn’t play, it was damn four in the morning and he just had to do something so he took from the kitchen and bathroom some cleaning stuff. He polished every furniture in his room, he made his bed like in some kind of five stars hotel, he even wanted to clean the floor but he couldn’t find the mop.

The whole cleaning consumed him so deeply that he even forgot about the pain in his leg.

“Lucas?” The boy heard when he was washing the windows. Firstly, he thought that maybe his mind was tricking him because of the chemicals, lack of sleep and too many thoughts but when he turned around he saw Manon and Arthur standing near to his bedroom door.

“Sorry guys, did I wake you up?” Instantly, Lucas felt so bad because he tried as much as he could to stay quiet but apparently he failed even in such task.

“No, no of course not.” Manon spoke first, stepping into blue eyed boy’s bedroom. “But it’s about six in the morning and you’re washing the windows. And Arthur heard like a half hour ago that you were doing some things here. Something happened?”

The look on her face was devastating for Lucas. She looked almost as worried as his aunts when they caught him doing similar things in his old house. He remembered what happened after one of his most dangerous attacks of the OCD.

But now it supposed to be better. He had a therapy, he knew what he supposed to do in such situations. And he knew that he was definitely better than a year ago.

“I’m fine guys. Really.” He faked his smile, put the cleaning stuff away and he walked past his friends, heading to the kitchen. It was time for breakfast.

“Drop the bullshit, Lucas. Maybe I don’t know you very well but I can clearly see that something happened. Washing the windows at six in the morning it’s not normal.” Arthur lost his patience for the lies Lucas was telling them. He knew that the blond guy wanted to help him but Lucas was so fed up with people wanting to do so because he felt so helpless because all of it.

“I know it is not normal!” Lucas screamed, he couldn’t stop himself from the shouting. He turned to his roommates where Emma was already there. “Because I am not normal, Arthur. Okay? I’m a fucked up person and I’m so sorry that you have to deal with me, really. If it’s a huge problem I can move out.’ Lucas didn’t shout anymore, he couldn’t scream looking at his worried friends.

When none of them were saying anything Lucas shook his head and tried to walk past them again but in last moment Arthur caught his arm.

“No Lucas, we’re gonna sit here now and we are gonna talk. Because without talking we are gonna get into fights, the misunderstandings will appear and we would lose each other. So sit and talk.” He pointed at the sofa and he let go of Lucas’ arm.

Both of the girls already sat near to each other on the huge chair, looking at Lucas. He could feel that the tension in the air. Arthur was still in front of him with visible stubbornness in his eyes.

“We are friends Lucas.” The blond guy added, almost whispering. Lucas sighed, trying to hold his tears. Fortunately, he learned how to do so years ago.

“I’m gonna repeat myself. If any of us have problems we have to talk about it. Not trying to pretend that everything is fine when everybody could see that it’s far away from the truth.” Arthur started the talk when Lucas sat next to him on the sofa.

“Arthur, maybe if Lucas is not comfortable with talking about his issues we shouldn’t push him to do so.” Manon spoke before blue eyed boy got the chance to do it. Lucas could sense that Manon was referring to their talks and the problems Lucas had with the appearance of the girl. Arthur tried to answer but finally Lucas was managed to spoke.

“Manon, he is right. I’m here about three weeks already and from the very beginning you treated me like a very good friend, even as a part of a weird family.” Emma smiled a bit and patted Lucas on his knee. He already felt a bit proud of himself that he was managed to spoke such words to them but he knew that the worst was coming. “All of you deserve the truth, at least the parts that I’m ready to share with you.”

“Anything is better than silence or lies.” Arthur quickly interrupted and Lucas felt a bit tense but the blond guy hugged him quickly so the smiled appeared on Lucas’ face for a moment.

“I have an OCD.” He saw confused looks on Emma and Arthur faces so he explained right away. “The obsessive-compulsive disorder.” He took a deep breath and focused his sight on the table in front of him. “When I was seven years old me twin sister died. I almost don’t remember the time before it and the year after that. My childhood is like a blur and it’s a waste to talk about it but the important thing is that after my eighth birthdays Tamara and later Matilda became my new proper family.” Again he had to take a deep breath. He almost felt like he was again at the therapy but this time was a bit easier. But unfortunately only a bit. “I was diagnosed with OCD very soon after my sister died. As a child I couldn’t deal with the lost so I was cleaning all of the stuff that belonged to her. It helped me with forgetting about everything, good or bad. Just forget about everything for a moment.”

Lucas stopped for a second because he needed to straighten his mind.

“Oh Lucas, I’m so so sorry.” Manon spoke so quiet that the boy almost didn’t hear it. He looked at her and saw the tears on her face. Emma was trying to wipe them away but Manon couldn’t stop crying. The boy squatted in front of her and took her hand into his.

“Hey, don’t cry. I’m not crying, see?” The girl glanced at his face. “I’m not gonna lie that talking about this is not hard because it is but it happened so many years ago and I’ve learnt that I couldn’t do anything about it so the only appropriate thing for me was going to therapy.”

“I shouldn’t have made you to talk about it.” Lucas heard Arthur’s voice behind him. He turned around and saw how sad the other boy was.

“Well, I told you about that because I wanted to, not because you made me. I am a grown man and I can say no when I’m not comfortable with something. You just made the opportunity for me to be more open about myself. And I am even glad because this was the main thing that I should have work on, at least my therapist said so.” Lucas smiled slightly towards Arthur and he answered with the same. Lucas sat again next to the boy and sighed, but this time without worries. “You know what, I’m really glad I talked a bit because now I’m sure that I should be back to my therapist. I lied to myself that the moving out, changing environment and other things didn’t affect me but now I see that I cannot live like that.”

“We are so proud of you, Lucas.” Arthur hugged him so tightly and blue eyed boy had nothing against it. He was aware that they still didn’t know about everything but they didn’t have to. After all of the emotional roller-coaster he finally felt a bit lighter. Like some kind of heavy stone left his body. At least one of the stones.

“Group hug!” Emma screamed and along with still crying Manon they jumped on the boys. Lucas finally laughed a little. He was so relieved.

When they were still into weird, not so comfortable hug, Lucas knew that he had to remind them about something.

“Guys, I have a request for you. Don’t treat me differently because of what I said. I don’t wanna see sad faces.” He pinched slightly Manon’s right cheek. The girl smiled to him and he sighed looking into the Lily’s aka Manon’s eyes. “Manon, I’m sorry that I was a bit weird around you. Your eyes are the same as Lily’s and at the beginning it was hard for me when I saw you.” Lucas was shocked with his own confidence but he was sure that he had to confess Manon the truth about his odd behavior. The silence between the four of them started to be a bit heavier than Lucas expected. He was manage to stop himself from counting to four or running away to be alone but still, he felt bad that he confessed it.

“Thank you for the truth, Lucas.” Manon finally spoke, smiling to him through the tears. “And as I said, I can meet with Emma in different places than this flat. I don’t wanna make you…” She wasn’t able to end her sentence because Lucas has interrupted her.

“Her eyes were beautiful and this is the thing that I remember about her the most. That doesn’t make me uncomfortable anymore.” She answered with only shy smile and after that Emma kissed her in the top of her head.

“See, in family we have to and what is more important, we want to talk.” Arthur added, still hugging Lucas. The boy laughed quickly and Lucas knew that this family was definitely the one he needed in his life.

The ring of the Arthur’s phone woke all of them from the cosy and lazy time together. Unfortunately it was Monday morning and all of them had their responsibilities.

After quick breakfast, too many hugs and finally real smiles Lucas walked out from the apartment. Or rather he jumped out because he felt that his leg started to hurt again. Luckily he was manage to somehow walk to the bus station and he survived the whole day at the university. When he was walking out from his last lecturer his phone rang.

“Salut Lulu. How’s your day so far?” It was Yann and Lucas could sense right away that his friend was very much worried about him. He completely forgot to write to or call him.

“Hi Yann, it was pretty good. And I am good.” He stressed the last sentence, trying to communicate through the phone that he was, for real, pretty good.

“That’s great Lulu. And how’s your leg?” The boy asked next question and right on cue Lucas’s leg started to hurt a bit more.

“Well…” Lucas started but before he could added anything else Yann appeared in front of him with his typical smile. “I’m getting you to the doctor. Emma called me and she said that you are still limping.” Lucas was so shocked by the appearance of his friend that after Yann took his arm he wasn’t able to speak.

“Emma told you?” Lucas finally told when boys were heading to the car.

“Yeah, she was keeping me with some stuff that happened today in the morning. I hope that’s okay that she told me, right?” Yann looked a bit concerned and for real, Lucas didn’t care that Emma told Yann about his morning confessions. Something different was weird for blue eyed boy.

“You didn’t know Emma before, right?” Lucas started when Yann switch on the engine. He shook his head without glancing at his friend. “So how’s possible that you are so close right away?”

“Well…” Yann said, smiling mischievously and Lucas regretted that he introduced Yann to the girl.

“Yann, she has a girlfriend and they are really happy together. Don’t be a dick and don’t ruin it.” Yann laughed a bit and he looked at Lucas. “No worries Lulu, I met Manon and I saw their happiness at once. I have Emma’s number because we talked about our studies and in the future, if she wants some help with the traineeship or something like that, I would help her. That’s it Lulu, no hidden nefarious intentions.”

Lucas rolled his eyes because Yann did this on purpose. He knew how chivalry Lucas could be when it comes to his friend’s happiness.

“I’m glad that you found these people. They are great.” Yann added, seeing how relaxed Lucas looked.

“I’m very glad too.”

Two hours later Lucas had a compression band on his ankle and laughing Yann by his side.

“How is it possible that you have twisted ankle. You just made one step.”

“I’m gonna remind you that it was your fault. You made me laugh so much that I didn’t look where I was walking.” Lucas tried to defend himself but both of the boys knew that the blue eyed was a bit of a clumsy person. At least once a year he had to have something broken, twisted or even burned. Fortunately, for Lucas twenty long years of living nothing very dangerous happened to him.

“Bride style again?” Yann asked when they stepped into the corridor of Lucas’s building.

“Ha ha very funny but I’ll be okay.” He answered and looked at the top of the stairs where just yesterday Eliott stood. Yann glanced at the same spot and he had to guess what Lucas was thinking.

“That Eliott guy, he seems pretty nice.” The older one started when they were climbing the stairs.

“Yeah, he is.” Lucas answered sharply. He had no strength to talk about Eliott. And it wasn’t much to talk about. “I’m a bit tired, Yann. Thank you again for going with me to the doctor but I think I need to rest a bit.” Lucas said when they boys stood in front of the doors. He didn’t want to hurt Yann but really, he needed some time for himself.

His friend nodded his head with understanding. He knew Lucas really well and he didn’t want to push him to talking or doing anything that he didn’t want to.

“We’re gonna meet tomorrow, right?” Lucas asked when Yann was walking to the exit. “Of course, I have to tell you about that girl from the office.” He answered with smiley face and after that Lucas went into his apartment.

On the kitchen counter he saw the plate with some food and the piece of paper from Emma and Manon that they are at Manon’s for the rest of the day. Lucas ate dinner in silence and when he was back at his room he felt good. He was definitely in the mood for playing. The doctor said that he should put his leg on the pillows and lie for the most of the day but he couldn’t just do nothing now. He sat near to the piano and played some of his older pieces and the newest ones. This was something that he missed so much even though he played just a two or three days ago.

Sometime later he heard the knocking to his door.

“Hi Lucas, can I keep the door open?” It was Arthur with the puppy eyes so Lucas couldn’t say no.

“HI Lucas!” He heard Alexia and he saw her in the front of his door. “You are amazing pianist so I’m glad that finally I can hear you so clearly.”

Lucas just nodded towards the girl and kept playing. He was proud that his music made other people happier.

During some quick breaks between the playing and making some corrections on his works he heard scraps of conversations between Arthur and Alexia.

“He didn’t sleep much lately. About an hour ago he just walked to his room and went to sleep right away so I chose to stay at yours. I can be sometimes too noisy at home.”

“He took his medication?” Arthur voice seemed worried and Lucas knew that he shouldn’t have eavesdropped but he guessed about who they were talking about so he couldn’t stopped himself.

“No, he took the last pill on Thursday.”

Lucas couldn’t hear what Arthur said in response and he played some quick melody. When he glanced at the corridor he noticed that Alexia was looking at him and he heard.

“I have my guesses what is helping Eliott.”


	10. 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “We are the words; we are the music; we are the thing itself.” VW

Week later Lucas’s leg was definitely in a better state. Yann became his private chauffeur and even though Lucas told his friend that he would manage somehow to live with his limping, Yann was stubborn enough to change Lucas’s mind. He even changed his timetable a bit and everyday he was driving Lucas to university, their aunt’s house and to his flat. The perks of limping was the treatment that Mathilda and Tamara’s gave for Lucas. Or at least the perks, in the meaning of his aunts thinking because for him being treated as little boy wasn’t something positive. They were even worse than doctors. And the guilty one was of course Yann because Lucas just hadn’t told about his little accident but Yan did it for him. He described in every detail what the doctor had said to Lucas and now, Tamara and Matilda were in the mode of overprotective people. They called to Lucas every single day, at last twice a day per each, of course.

Lucas loved his aunts. Of course he did. They were his family, he would give his life for them but such behavior was just exhausting.

It was already Tuesday and even though Lucas walked without problem he still had to wear the compression band on his leg. He was just walking down the stairs at university heading to the next lecture when Yann called.

“Hey Lulu. What’s up?”

Lucas just stood near to the wall for a second, to not make a queue in the corridor.

“Nothing much, I’m gonna start my last class in five minutes and after that I’m guessing you’ll wait for me so then I’m gonna tell you exactly what I was doing today.” Lucas didn’t want to sound so complainingly but he was so fed up with all the exaggerated concern. He wasn’t a little boy anymore.

“Yeah, about that…” Yann sounded as he didn’t catch the irritation in Lucas’ sentences. “We have a storm at work, I cannot leave till nine probably. And tomorrow morning again I have to be up like at six or something and as soon as possible go to the office. So you’ll have to get a taxi or maybe I’m gonna tell Tam when I’ll be finally at home, if you want.”

“Don’t call her. I’m gonna be okay, Yann. Really.” Lucas responded as quickly as he could. He was glad that his family was taking care of him but he didn’t want to make such fuss around him. “And by the way, what’s going on there? Are you okay?” He wanted to change the subject right away.

“The shit went crazy and still I’m not sure what’s happening in that damn office but as soon I’ll have a break I’m gonna call you or we’ll go for a beer or maybe something more.”

“Sure. Just get some sleep, Yann. I know how hardworking you could be.” Lucas warned his friend because both of them were identical in this topic. When something wrong was happening at theirs school or work, they were stressed as hell and tried to do everything so perfectly that even sometimes they were forgetting about sleep.

“Yeah papa, I’ll be a good boy. But now I’m back to my shit work. See yaa!”

Lucas could say only quick ‘Bye’ before Yann hung up. In the same moment Lucas saw his professor so he went to his class and sat near to the window.

~~~~~~~~

An hour and a half later Lucas was walking around the university square and looking through his Spotify playlist on his phone. He wasn’t paying attention to anybody so when he bumped into somebody, he could even predict that something like this could happen to him.

And of course the person he bumped into was Eliott. For god’s damn sake, it had to be Eliott.

Since the crucial talk between boys Lucas hadn’t saw Eliott much. They greeted each other about three times when they saw themselves in the building but they didn’t even say ‘hi’, they just nodded their heads. Lucas just couldn’t open his mouth because he was sure that the only thing would come from his lips would be the series of ‘sorry’ and feeling even worse than before. When they weren’t talking Lucas could pretend that the talk was just a really devastating dream and all of that was in his head. Talking wouldn’t help him at all.

But now, when they were standing in front of each other, in the middle of the square, world just stopped. Lucas drowned into those mesmerizing eyes of Eliott. He couldn’t say a word but this time it wasn’t because of the fear that he would make everything worse between them but just because he forgot that he was able to do so. The bluish color was combining perfectly with the grayish parts of Eliott’s eyes. Lucas felt so calm looking at them. The whole world became a blur. It was only him and Eliott. Lucas felt such strong urge to touch Eliott. To put his hand on the boy’s cheek. Just to check if the Greek look of Eliott’s skin was as much astonishing as Lucas thought it was. Eliott was standing in front of Lucas charmed. Only the slight movement of Lucas hand made him smile a bit. And when Lucas saw that smile he realized that he had to stop himself from staring at this god alike man.

“Hi Lucas.” It was Eliott who spoke up first. “Bumping into each other is definitely our thing.” The boy smiled wider seeing that Lucas was still in some kind of trance.

“Yeah, I just have to be more careful, I think.” Lucas said as if it was only his fault that they were meeting in such way.

“You should be more careful just for your sake. I see that your leg isn’t very well yet.” Eliott pointed on Lucas’s band with concern in his eyes.

“Oh no, it’s great but I just have to wear it for a week more or so. But I’m really good. Really.”

After this quick explanation both of men started to look at each other, as the minute ago. Lucas knew that he couldn’t let himself to do this all over again so he slightly shook his head and took a deep breath.

“Are you going to the flat?” He asked, wishing that maybe Eliott had some kind of additional work or maybe other lecture at university. It wasn’t the problem with the boy’s presence but Lucas just couldn’t trust himself around Eliott.

“Yeah, my last lecture has been cancelled.” Eliott smiled towards Lucas that in one second he changed his mind and was glad that he probably would go to the apartment with the older guy. “We can walk together if you want.” Eliott propose, and as Lucas could notice he grabbed his shoulder strap a little bit too tight because his knuckles became a bit lighter.

“Sure.” Lucas was manage to say only this one word.

At the beginning of the walking the boys were silent. They were only glancing at each other and smiling shyly. Lucas wanted to say something, asked about Eliott life, just to discover new things about this man but he couldn’t do so. He was still a bit stressed that this was their first talk after THE talk. He felt that maybe Eliott was still mad at him and he was walking with him just because they were heading to the same place so it would be even more awkward if he didn’t propose to do it. The mixed feelings made him even angrier, mostly at himself. On the one hand he still felt the guilt and that held him from the normal conversation but on the other, presence of his neighbor made him a bit calm, in a way. Like the only thing he could think of was Eliott, his thoughts, how his face looked in the light of still warm October light. The color of Eliott’s eyes was changing very quickly and Lucas wanted to remember every moment of it.

“You know you’re staring, right?” Eliott chuckled a bit, seeing the ‘trance face’ of Lucas.

“No, I don’t. I just thought you had something on your face.” The blue eyed boy lied right away and in his mind he rolled his eyes because his excuse was so lame. But at least he had to pretend that it was true.

“I don’t mind. I like staring at you too.” Lucas couldn’t get used to the boldness of Eliott. He felt his cheeks became hot so of course he was so obvious that flirting was definitely not his thing.

“So, how’s my aunt’s lecture? I’m guessing she’s not a teacher you are used to have.” Lucas was finally manage to say something that would form a proper conversation. He could notice on Eliott’s face pure happiness when he asked that question.

“Tamara is great! You have no idea, I mean, you have because she’s your aunt but oh gosh, she’s amazing. Her approach to studying art and practicing your work is definitely something I have never saw. And guessed what, he asked me to show her some of my work. Like, she is really interested what I already painted. It’s unbelievable.”

Lucas couldn’t hold his smile. It was so soothing to see how excited Eliott was. He could look at him for eternity in such state.

“I am a bit pathetic, right?” Eliott asked when Lucas didn’t make any comment.

“Oh no, definitely you are not! I adore seeing people talking about their hobbies and seeing you, so happy, it makes me happy.”

Lucas thought that maybe Eliott’s boldness is infectious. He would never say such clear sentence to anybody but with the blond guy it felt normal.

When Eliott was opening his mouth to answer, Lucas’s leg slipped and if not the help from the older boy, Lucas would be lying on the ground.

“Shit, are you okay?” Eliott asked, still keeping Lucas in his arms.

“I have no clue what happened. I think I just twisted my ankle once again.” Boys looked at each other and they started laughing.

“Okay, wait here. You cannot walk, and don’t even question it.” Eliott lifted his hand to stop Lucas before he could even say a word. “Ah, yeah. This gonna be our ride.” The boy pointed on the scooter standing next to them.

“Are you kidding, right? I’m like a new born roe deer, not able to walk and you want me to stand on this devil thing?” Lucas asked with serious face but Eliott was already checking some things on his phone, didn’t even answering to the question.

“Jump on little roe deer.”

“No. The bus stop has to be near. I’ll manage to..” Again, he couldn’t end his sentence. “Lucas, you have to options, the scooter or my back. Your choice.”

Lucas rolled his eyes but he stood on the scooter.

“If we die, Yann will kill you.”

“Your ghost can hunt me, I won’t mind.” Eliott answered quickly and he turned on the engine.

During riding the boys didn’t talk. Eliott was the one who was the ‘driver’ and Lucas was in front of him. From time to time he was glancing at the boy, checking if the smile was still there and each time he wasn’t disappointed.

The warm of Eliott’s body made Lucas calm. Even though he wasn’t a fun of such transportation, he felt safe. He tried to remember as clearly as he could the scent of Eliott. He could sense the cigarettes, one he was already able to recognize. Two more things he could sense, the first was the green tea, Eliott had to drink it after smoking. It was kind of a ritual for the boy. Lucas saw a few times the empty cups of tea on balcony. The second one was the gummy bears. At first he couldn’t recognize this scent but when he finally connected the memory of it he was sure that that were the gummy bears, the one of the fruits of the forest flavor. He chuckled because he was sure that each time he would see such gummy bears he would think about Eliott.

Fortunately, for Lucas sanity, the road wasn’t very long. Eliott helped Lucas in walking to the hall and when the boys were near to theirs doors blue eyed boy turned around and said.

“I can help you with choosing your painting, if you want. I know Tamara’s likes and dislikes so it could help, right?”

Right after he said those words he realized what he just proposed. Eliott looked as shocked as Lucas was feeling. He shouldn’t have said that sentence. He was the one who tried to keep the distance and now he was saying such ideas. What on earth was going on with him?

“I mean, you probably want to do this by yourself. Sorry, it was stupid idea. Thank you for the ride, Eliott. I’m better be..”

“Oh, come on Lucas. We still can be friends. Everything between us it’s okay.” Eliott’s reassuring smile was definitely something that Lucas just couldn’t resist.

“Are you sure it’s okay?” He asked, making one stop towards his neighbor’s apartment.

“One hundred percent sure.” He winked to Lucas and opened the doors in front of him. “Welcome at my little paradise.”

Lucas had never been in Eliott’s flat but in the second he walked to the hall he could say that was Eliott’s place. Some of the sketches were handing near to the hanger. And the hanger didn’t hold the jackets only. Lucas could notice some aprons, dirty with the paint. He saw Alexia unicorn shoes and smiled, seeing that he already could recognize stuff belong to his friends.

“This is my chamber. Sit comfortable and I’m gonna bring the ice and some painkillers.”

Lucas answered quick ‘thank you’ and he started to look around the room. One wall was almost completely covered with some papers with sketches. Mainly of a few animals. It looked almsot like a cartoon but the stories didn’t match each other. All around the room the papers were scattered. On some of them a few lines were already made, on other he could notice paint marks. When he walked up to the desk he saw a huge file filled in with the completed works. Lucas glanced on the balcony and he saw one empty and one half empty cups of tea.

He heard that Eliott was opening and closing fridge doors so he was continuing his spying.

Vis-à-vis the bed Lucas saw huge sheet which was covering something. When he lift the ending of the material he saw old, dark piano. Eliott had never mentioned that he played, not even that he had such instrument in his room. Lucas seeing the piano felt strong urge to throw away the sheet and started playing. He was a weak boy for old pianos, it was his thing.

“Oh, you found it.” Eliott said, leaning on the door frame.

“It wasn’t very hard.” Lucas joked, pointing at the size of the instrument. “You never told me that you’re playing.” He added, heading to the bed and right after he sat, Eliott took his leg and put an ice on it.

“Because I’m not. My grandpa gave it to me years ago and my mum said that she had no place at her apartment so I had to take it.” He just shrugged his arms, standing up and walking to the kitchen again. “I played a few times as a little kid but I rather suck.” He shouted from the other room and after a minute or two he brought two cups of green tea in his hands.

“Play something for me.” Lucas asked shyly, glancing at Eliott’s face.

“You are the master of the piano. I cannot.”

“Come on, you already heard me playing many times and by the way, I’m in pain. As a good friend you should try to keep my mind busy.” Lucas couldn’t believe what he was talking about. But it felt oddly normal with Eliott. He didn’t feel any pressure, any stress. He felt good. Even more than good.

“Okay, I see.” The boy answered with a grin. „But try to not to be so judgy, okay?” He asked, taking the sheet off from the instrument.

„By the way, your grandpa had really nice taste. This piano is amazing.” Lucas had to compliment the instrument. He was really happy with his own but he couldn’t lie that this one looked better and more exquisitely.

“It’s the Demuray’s things. We just have pretty good taste when it comes to the amazing things, Lucas.” He winked towards the blued eyed boy and before Lucas could even act somehow, Eliott sat in front of the piano.

He pushed some keys, without any proper melody.

“Well, that’s good beginning. As for the seven years old boy. I can sign you up for some lessons with my old teacher, if you want.” Lucas joked again and the other boy just glanced at him with smile.

Half of a minute hadn’t passed when Eliott started to play a proper melody. Lucas recognised it right away. It was one of his favourite melodies, wrote by Riopy. He couldn’t believe that Eliott was playing it.

The boy was so dedicated to his action, now even glancing at Lucas. But he couldn’t take his eyes off him. He even completely forgot about the ice on his leg and his sit at the edge of the bed.

Eliott during playing looked even more stunning than normally. Lucas couldn’t see his eyes but the part of the face that it was visible for him was so focused on the keys that Lucas could feel the heat Eliott was radiating.

When the boy stopped playing Lucas didn’t realized it in the first second. Not until Eliott turned around, he said.

“It was amazing.”

“Well, I still probably need some lessons but.. yeah.”

Eliott looked so endearingly and so humble about his hidden talent.

“You’re surprising. I really like surprising people.”

Both of them drowned in each other’s eyes. Lucas was smiling so widely that his mouth started to hurt a bit but he didn’t mind. He liked such moments with Eliott.

“I’m hoooome!” They heard Alexia voice and almost jumped on their sits. “Oh wow, you are playing again. Gosh, Elio you’re so whipped for Lucas that you’re practicing it even though you hate piano.” Eliott wasn’t able to stop his friend from ending the sentence. The door to his room was half closed so the girl hadn’t saw Lucas in the first moment and when she opened it fully the shocked on her face was speechless.

“Hi.” Lucas said, trying not to laugh seeing Alexia’s face.

“Hi Lucas. Bye Lucas.” She said and in next second she was gone.

“Soo… you really don’t like piano.” Lucas said, still holding his laugh because Eliott’s expression was even more hilarious.

“Well, I just don’t like me playing it…” The boy stared, when he finally looked at Lucas. “I just prefer hearing you doing it. You are amazing too.”

The smile appeared on his face made Lucas’s legs weak and he was glad that he was sitting. 

The blue eyed boy cleared his throat because he didn’t think of any words that he could say as a response.

“Sooo, the paitings.” He said with still shaking voice. Eliott just nodded his head and again smiled towards Lucas.

And again.

He was speechless.


	11. 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I thought how unpleasant it is to be locked out; and I thought how it is worse, perhaps, to be locked in.” VW

On Thursday Eliott was waiting for Lucas after his last class. The younger boy saw his neighbour’s smile from across the hall. He couldn’t stop his own lips before forming a huge smile across his face when he saw the other boy.

“You know, I can go home by myself. I’m a big boy.”

“Hello, Lucas. Good to see you too. Oh, my classes? That went awesome, I hope you had as great day as mine.” Eliott completely ignored Lucas’s sentence and he laughed at the end of his words. Lucas shook his head slightly because it was so easy to be calm and happy around Eliott. He didn’t feel like burden or being the ‘boring’ person. Even though when he was alone with his own thoughts, still it wasn’t very easy and Lucas wanted to shut himself from everyone, but when he was seeing Eliott or receiving any message from his neighbour, Lucas’s mind had becoming calmer and definitely less terrifying. So many could change within two days.

Or since the first meeting of the boy. But Lucas wasn’t on the page when he could admit, even to himself, that he changed his answer about the relation with Eliott already. It was definitely too fast so he was trying not to overthink it.

When the boys approached the main gate somebody thrown themselves on Eliott. Literally thrown.

“Luci!” Eliott screamed and he hugged the girl. Lucas was watching the couple not so far from them. The girl was tall, with short hair and nice smile. He could admit that she was beautiful. Maybe he wasn’t into girls but definitely he could say that somebody was attractive or not.

“I miss you, my love.” The girl said, and even though Lucas wasn’t sure what he just felt, he certainly didn’t like this inside feeling when he heard how that unknown girl called Eliott.

“What are you doing here? When you came? How did you know that I’ll be here?” Eliott started asking all of these questions right away and girl just laughed a bit but she didn’t answer any just looked at Lucas and smiled shyly.

“Oh, sorry. Lucas, this is Lucille. Luci, this is Lucas.” Eliott, seeing the face of the girl and his neighbour, introduced themselves right away.

Lucas shook the girl’s hand and tried to smile, at least faking it.

“Soo, I’m gonna take the bus stop. I don’t wanna interrupt or..” Lucas was stopped by Lucille before he could even end the sentence.

“Oh, don’t try to run away Lucas. I’ve heard so much about you that I have to discover if at least one thing is true.”

Lucas looked at Eliott with confusion and he saw that the boy put his hands into pockets and bit his lip, trying to cover his embarrassment.  But before Eliott could say anything or Lucas asked any question, Lucille took Eliott by his arm and she nodded her head towards Lucas.

“Come on, Lucas. I know that you both live in the same building. We’re heading to the same way.”

Fortunately Lucille didn’t ask much about Lucas and their way to home last surprisingly quickly. Lucille was talking for the most of the time but the blue eyed boy had to admit that it was very endearing. Even though she looked a bit older that him, she was as enthusiastic as little kid and the aura around her was very pleasing. By her talk Lucas found out that she was at the third year of English studies and she wanted to be a teacher in kindergarten or in primary school. As she said, work with kids suits her perfectly and Lucas could admit that it was pretty visible after just twenty minutes of knowing that girl.

“So you still didn’t tell what you are doing here.” Eliott said, eventually managed to interrupt Lucille’ talk. Lucas laughed a bit under his nose because he noticed that the taller boy tried at least three times to say something but the girl didn’t even care about it, just talk and talk about her school, her family and her roommates.

“And I hoped that you would know why!” She almost screamed, stopping her walk. She put her hands on her hips and made an angry face but for Lucas she still looked like little kiddo, but now the one who didn’t get the lollipop that they wanted. She tried to persuade Eliott to come up with the idea but the boy only rolled his eyes and laughed.

“Oh tell me, okay?” He sighed and got his hand through his hair.

“Out anniversary, silly!” She screamed and jumped on the boy’s back.

Lucas stopped dead. He heard it clearly, “our anniversary”. The awful feeling inside his chest grow so fast that in one second he wanted throw up even though he had eaten almost nothing this day. He wasn’t aware that he still hadn’t moved until Eliott walked closer to him and put his hand on Lucas’s arm.

“Lucas, are you okay?”

When he raised his head and looked into those mesmerizing eyes he couldn’t manage to say anything. He just nodded his head and put some fake smile on his face but seeing Eliott’s expression he was sure that it wasn’t a smile, just a weird twist.

Eliott was still looking into Lucas’s eyes. He could sense that something happened but Lucas wanted just to go home. Not standing in front of this guy, having twisted stomach and a huge lump in his throat. 

“Guys, do you know this girl?”

Lucas heard Lucille’s words and he just walked past Eliott.

“Manon?” The boy saw that Emma’s girlfriend was sitting near to the front door. Lucas could see right away that something happened. She was upset and her efforts to put some fake smile on her face were useless.

“Hi guys.” She stood up, still trying to pretend that everything was okay. “I’m waiting for Emma. I mean, I was waiting.” She corrected herself and laughed with clear and hearable sadness.

“Hi, I’m Lucille.”

Eliott’s friend introduced herself without even waiting that he would to this for her.

“I’m Manon.” The girl shook the hand of the other girl and showed a quick small smile.

Lucas noticed that Lucille’ smile changed when she was looking at Manon and his friend also looked differently for a short minute.

“Do you wanna wait for Emma upstairs?” Lucas asked, interrupting that weird moment between two girls. He still tried to avoid Eliott’s eyes, even though he felt that the boy literally tried to read his mind with his eyes.

“No, I’m better be going. She said that she will be late so it’s no use.” Manon started to walk away but Lucille didn’t let her go so easily.

“Come on, stay with us. I’ll be so happy to get to know more of Eliott’s friends.”

Lucas was staring at his friend, trying to guess what she was thinking because again, her face looked a bit different than just a minute ago when she mentioned Emma.

“Manon, if you don’t have any other plans, stay with us.” Finally, it was Eliott’s voice. The girl eventually nodded her head.

When four of them were climbing the stairs Eliott tried to walked as close to Lucas as it was possible. The blue eyes boy noticed that his neighbour tried to say something to him but each time, he didn’t hear a word.

“So of course we’re staying at Eliott’s place, right?” Lucille asked, and without even waiting for an answer she took Manon’s hand, taking the keys from her friend.

When the girls walked into the apartment Lucas turned around and took out his keys.

“Lucas?” He heard Eliott’s voice and he had to close his eyes for a moment. He hoped that maybe the guy would walked right after girl and nobody would notice his absence. And that was of course impossible because there were only the four of them but still, he had some hopes.

“I have to do some..”

“The anniversary Lucille was talking about, it’s about our friendship. She is not my girlfriend and she never was and never will be. She’s like my sister. Alexia and Lucille, both of them, they are like my family.” Lucas couldn’t manage to end his sentence because of the long explanation from Eliott, which boy did on a one breath.

The younger one didn’t want to show how this information had changed his mood. He was partially surprised that Eliott guessed why his attitude had changed so fast, and partially even pissed at himself because of being so obvious.

He shouldn’t care so much about everything was happening around or with Eliott.

“If the jealousy is not the case that your mood have change so quickly I’m sorry that I’m even implied this. But you already know that I prefer one hundred percent of honesty.” Eliott smiled at the end of his sentence and Lucas chuckled a bit.

“I’m not jealous.” He said, and without any more glancing at Eliott, he walked into his neighbour apartment.

“Whatever you say.” Lucas heard Eliott’s response, so near to his ear that when he turned his face, Eliott’s eyes were right in front of his.

“Guys, what are you doing there?!” They heard Lucille and as fast as he can, Lucas took his shoes off and stepped into the living room.

Lucille and Manon were talking like they knew each other for a long time. Even though Lucas saw that at the beginning Manon was faking her smile, he could notice that the girl was starting to feel more relaxed and was definitely in better mood than just a few minutes before.

An hour or two later, when the girl drunk some drinks that Eliott made for them, because surprisingly, last summer he was a bartender so he knew the job, Emma called to Manon. Lucas noticed right away that her mood had changed.

“I have to pick this up.”

“What’s happening with Manon and her girl?” Lucille asked, when the girl left the room. She was glancing at Eliott and Lucas, trying to hide her curiosity but it was too visible.

“Nothing that is your concern, Luci.” Eliott said, looking at his friend meaningfully. Lucille wanted to say something but they heard some screaming from the corridor and after just ten second Manon appeared into the leaving room.

“Guys, I have to go.” She opened her mouth, wanted to add something but she just shook her head, and walked to the hall. Lucas and the rest of them stood up to check on the girl. He wanted to say something but again that day, Lucille interrupted.

“Can I accompany you for a bit? Either way I wanted to go for a quick grocery shopping because of course Eliott has nothing to eat in his fridge and Alexia won’t be back soon. So?”

Manon show quick, not so happy but honest smile and nodded her head.

“See you soon, guys.” She hugged Lucas and Eliott and walked out from the apartment. Lucille only smiled towards boys and closed the door behind her.

When the boys stayed alone they started to look at each other with shy smiles. None of them were saying anything. Just two boys, standing in front of each other and smiling like happy little kids.

“Soo, are you gonna tell Emma that Lucille was hitting on Manon?” Eliott broke out the silence, and the sentence didn’t hit Lucas in the first moment so when he understood what the boy just said he opened his lips slightly.

“Hitting?” He was able to repeat just that word. Eliott chuckled seeing Lucas’s face and he went to his room. Lucas walked behind him, still trying to get what Eliott meant by that.

“Lucille was hitting on Manon?” He finally asked, sitting near to the piano, even though he hadn’t have in his plans any playing. It was just his thing. When he was seeing pianos, they were like some kind of magnets and he had to sit there, as near as possible.

“You’re cute being so innocent.”

Lucas felt how fast his cheeks became hot. Eliott’s comments and compliments were always so unexpected and Lucas still hadn’t gotten use to this.

“I’m gonna talk with Lucille and put in her silly head a little bit of wisdom to not hit on a girls in relationships. I don’t want you to be mad at me because my friend is hitting on yours.” During his little explanation, Eliott unfolded his bed and lay down with about a dozen pillows around him. He made for himself some comfortable position and send to Lucas charming smile.

“I’d never be angry at you.” The blue eyed boy said without further thinking.

And again the silence had arisen, but still, it wasn’t uncomfortable. Lucas adore such moments between him and Eliott. With each of them he felt better and better around the other boy and he was glad that he met someone like Eliott.

“Well, Manon is your friend and Emma also is one. Lucille could be a little too much sometimes.” The older guy said jokingly, hugging one of the pillows.

“I’m not so close with Manon and I don’t like to interfere.” He admitted and pulled up the chair close to the Eliott’s bed.

“You and Manon have some problems, right?” The boy asked, but Lucas could feel that it was more than a statement than a question. He frowned because he remember right away that day when he run away from Eliott when he saw Manon and Imane near to the university. Eliott had no idea what exactly happened with Lucas that time and he never asked exactly about the reasons of his behaviour.

“You don’t have to answer. I’m also too nosy sometimes.” Eliott interrupted Lucas’s thoughts and he just smiled slightly.

“It’s because of my sister.” Lucas said and he saw that Eliott adjusted his position and frowned a bit but didn’t say a word. Lucas felt that he could say this guy everything. He wasn’t afraid, he didn’t even think that Eliott would judge him or do anything that Lucas would feel uncomfortable about. It was his safe space. “Manon has very similar eyes as Lily had.” After hearing the last word Eliott’s expression changed completely. He understood immediately what Lucas was talking about but still, remained silent.

“When I met Manon all of memories connected with Lily hit me very painfully. Even though I didn’t remember much from my early childhood, Lily’s eyes will always stay visible in my head.” Lucas had to take a deep breath and looked directly into Eliott’s eyes and saw they boy’s small, reassuring smile. “Lily was my twin sister, she died in the age of seven. I don’t have many things that I still remember about her or our life together but I remember her porcelain dolls. She loved such toys.” He was still looking into Eliott’s eyes and he even smiled, mentioning Lily’s hobby.

“She collected them and she had special cabinet with glass doors for all her dolls. Tamara told me that she was very careful with them and nobody except her and me could touch her precious toys.” Lucas’s smile widened, but he felt tears in the corners of his eyes. “Her room and almost all of the dolls are like a blur to me and most of my current memories are the form of Tamara’s stories or some pictures that she saved after my move. But I can clearly see in my mind one doll that I like the most. She was wearing violet dress and she had amazing blue eyes with some greyish shade. I remember that one because I left my necklace on her neck and I still cannot forgive myself that I forgot to take it from my old house.”

Lucas knew that he couldn’t hold his tears any longer so he turned around from Eliott and wiped his face as quickly as he could. The memory of his sister and the necklace was still too painful. After all this years he couldn’t condone himself that he didn’t fight for taking this necklace back. He was aware that time he was only a little child, going through a great tragedy so he couldn’t do anything. He was at the mercy of the adults.

He was still covering his eyes with his blouse until he felt Eliott’s hands on his own. He didn’t say anything to Lucas. He was crouching in front of him, with such warm in his eyes and also little tears crawling from them. Lucas sniffed loudly and started laughing even though it wasn’t funny at all. Eliott joined to him and after a second or two his kneeled and hugged Lucas very tightly.

Lucas wasn’t embracing Eliott but he put his head onto the boy arm and he touched Eliott’s neck with his nose. This moment was for Lucas probably the most intimate one he ever had with anybody. He was so vulnerable, so open and not ashamed of his feelings and he knew that Eliott hadn’t judged him or felt pity. He was there and he wanted listen to Lucas. That only mattered.

“We can lie a bit.” Eliott proposed, whispering. He was still hugging Lucas. The blue eyed boy nodded his head and he knew that Eliott felt his answers on his arm and neck. The boy stood up, took Lucas hand and in next second they were lying on older boy’s bed, face to face. Lucas felt that one of the tears were flowing down from his eyes but Eliott wiped it before it could land on the pillow.

That moment was so precious for Lucas that he couldn’t even think of any words that he could use to describe it. Talking about such hard topic for him never was so easy even though, it was still painful. He never thought that he would tell about his sister and his memories connected with her with the person he had known for a month or so. But with Eliott everything was effortless. Every moment with him was special.

“I think I’m a bit of a mood-killer.” Lucas whispered, having no idea how many minutes or even hours passed since they lied down.

“Everyone has some flaws. I think I can live with the one you have.” Eliott answered, with slightly cheerful voice. And again, Lucas’s cheeks become red in one second. But now he didn’t even care.

“You think we should call to Manon or Lucille?” He asked, trying to change the topic. Eliott screwed up his eyes and whispered.

“I think you don’t wanna call them. And I don’t want to do that too.”

They remained silent again, smiling towards each other. Lucas still had in his mind fresh memories of what he revealed about his past and his sister but he didn’t feel bad about it. He was so glad that he shared his story with Eliott.

The sound of opening doors burst their little happy bubble and their got up from the bed in the same moment.

“We’re back!” They heard Alexia voice and after looking at each other with meaningful sight they left Eliott’s room.

“Hi Lucas,” The girl hugged both guys. Lucille during this time went to the kitchen with the groceries. “Emma was asking if you talked with Manon today. She was pretty trembling when we bumped into her.”

“I’m gonna check on her.” Lucas took his bag, shoes and jacked in his hands and went to the door. “It was nice to meet you, Lucille.” He said nicely, looking at the girl standing near to the kitchen door. She answered with the same nice words and went back to the room. Alexia joined her there too.

“So.” Eliott started, standing right in front of Lucas.

“So.” The younger guy repeated and both of them laughed in the same moment.

“See you on the balcony?” Eliott asked with hope in his voice.

“On the balcony.”  Lucas answered and grinned. He went to the hall and right before opening doors to his apartment he turned his head around and saw smiling Eliott, still standing near to his doors.

Lucas walked into his place and after putting away his clothes and bag, he leaned back to the wall and smiled even wider than minute ago. He wanted to be back to his little bubble with Eliott but he didn’t have time to recall that moment because Emma appeared in front of him.

“Did you talk with Manon today?” She asked, with worried voice.

“Hi. And no, not so much.” He answered, trying to stay away from anything that was happening with Emma and Manon. He went to the kitchen to make some quick supper, because as he saw on the clock it was almost nine in the evening. He had no idea that he was with Eliott for so long.

“But you two talked a bit, right?” She was standing right behind him, still worried.

“I mean, it wasn’t even a talk. We were back from uni, Lucille saw her standing near to the building and she said that she was waiting for you but you didn’t come so she went with me, Lucille and Eliott to his apartment. That’s it.” Lucas, judging by Emma’s expression knew that she won’t let it go easily.

“So if you spent the afternoon together, you must have heard our argument right. And she must have told you anything.”

Lucas felt exhausted with all these questions. He hated to be involved in any relationship problems. It wasn’t his case to say what Manon told or not.

“Emma, just call her and if you two have some problems, just talk it out.” He sighed, took his plate and sat near to the kitchen counter.

“If I could call her, I’d do that Lucas.” Emma said with angriness. She was definitely all shook up so Lucas knew that she wouldn’t let him go without telling anything. He sighed and said calmly.

“Somebody called her but she didn’t tell us who, I just notices that it was your picture on the screen and she walked out to the hall. Yes, I heard some screaming but I didn’t want to be an intruder so I didn’t pay attention what she was saying. After the call she said that she has to go back and she went out with Lucille. That’s it Emma, really.”

Lucas thought that maybe Emma wouldn’t look so devastated after his words but unfortunately she looked even worse.

“Lucille. As Lucille, Eliott’s best friend?” She added one more question and after Lucas short nodding, she turned around and went towards her room.

“Hello my dearest kids!” He heard Arthur’s voice and looked at his right side, seeing happy smile of his roommate and in the same moment the boys heard loud door slamming.

“What happened?” Arthur asked, changing his expression right away. Lucas just shrugged his arms,

“For sure nothing good is happening today.” He added, and in the same moment some terrifying feeling appeared inside him. He didn’t even end his food. He went to his room and closed the door behind him. He felt the vibration of his phone. He took out it from the pocket and after seeing that it was Eliott who sent some messages, the feeling became even worse. He didn’t even read carefully what the other boy wrote.

_“I have to do some work. We are gonna talk later.”_

Lucas send that message quickly and after that he checked his contacts and clicked on the one which he thought about for a sometime already.

“Hi. It’s Lucas. Sorry for calling so late but I think I need to see you.” He told in a single breath. After two, maybe three minutes of the talk he turned his phone off. He curled up into his sweatshirt, still smelling Eliott’s scent on his clothes, and felt asleep dreaming about blue-greyish eyes.

 


	12. 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “The flower bloomed and faded. The sun rose and sank. The lover loved and went.” VW

 

“I’m not sure if I should say that I’m glad to see you, Lucas.” The woman said with her typical warm smile. She hadn’t changed a bit. She still had her big green glasses, dark hair and was wearing her weird, definitely with too many patterns, long cardigan.

“But I’m glad that I’m here.” The boy answered, sitting on the comfortable chair, near to his therapist’ sofa. “I’m glad because now I’m here because I feel that I need it not because somebody else told me so.”

The woman looked a bit impressed. She put away her notebook and pen and focus totally on Lucas.

“I was a bit surprised when I got your call.” Lucas wanted to start apologizing for it because he was aware that he called definitely too late but the woman raised her hand to stop him. “I’m not talking about the hour but you sounded so “and after quick smile, she ended. “Different.”

“I’m still the same, don’t worry. Or maybe worry a bit because if I’m still the same as I was it means that something is wrong with me.” Lucas started to fidget a bit. He was sure that being in that room was a good idea and he was even proud of himself. Still, his mind had some bad moments.

“Nothing is wrong with you, Lucas. Hey, looked at me and repeat it, okay?”

He raised his head and with a little hesitation, he said. “Yeah, nothing is wrong with me.”

“Okay, so now you can start. Tell me anything you want.” She smiled at him and this was enough to be completely open in front of her.

He told her everything from the very beginning, from the last time when he was at his therapist place, when he said to her that he needed to be by himself, and only by himself. He didn’t regret doing this. After all years of different types of therapy, his diseases and stuff that from time to time he still has some problems, he needed try to be this strong and independent man that he always wanted to be. He knew that going to therapy and getting medication was not something to be ashamed of, he never was, but he just wanted to try different life. Fortunately, Miss Alasa wasn’t sceptical about this. She was proud that he wanted to make such step and she helped him as much as she could, and of course, she assured Lucas that her place is always open for him and she has always her phone near to her. That was why Lucas called to her that night, after meeting with Eliott.

“My life has changed so much since we saw each other for the last time. I moved out, have started university, and wrote so many new music that I cannot even count the exact number. I have new friends and still have contacts with the old one.” Miss Alasa looked at him, frowning her brows. “I renewed contact with Imane.” Lucas added, with smile. He was so glad that Imane was present in his life again. “I met her at university and she’s doing great, really. I’m so proud of her.” He couldn’t held his smile talking about that girls.

“And what about those new friends?” She asked him, seeing his distant smile.

“Oh yeah, they are awesome too. We’re living in Emma’s grandpa place. She’s amazing, very funny and there’s Arthur too, they’re like my new little family. And we have great neighbours too, Alexia and Eliott.” Mentioning boy’s name, Lucas stopped for a moment and focus his sight on his hands because now he knew that his smile was so bright that Miss Alasa would guess that something is going on with this boy.

“It’s nice to see you smiling like that.” This was her only comment about Lucas behaviour and he just shook his head a bit to stop smiling like a little kiddo.

For the rest of the meeting Lucas was talking mainly about his music and what was happening with Tamara and Mathilda. He didn’t mention his attacks of paranoia or other bad moments but even without talking about this, he felt a little bit better.

“So, Lucas. Should I have hopes that we will meet soon or rather not?” Miss Alasa asked him, when he was putting his jacket on.

“Definitely we will meet soon.” He confirmed without hesitation and he left the room. Right after leaving that place, he took deep breath and smiled to himself. Lucas felt so proud and he knew that he still held back a lot thing but at least, that was a good beginning.

After twenty minutes, he was near to his house. When Lucas walked out from the bus, he noticed Eliott walking with bags full of grocery stuff. He run up and said quick ‘hi’. He took away two bags from the boy before he could even said a word.

“Hi.” Eliott finally articulated when Lucas took out his keys from pocket. Lucas smirked towards older boy seeing how confused Eliott looked.

“I’m sorry that I haven’t reached you earlier.” He said when both of the boys were on the stairs. “I needed to think about some things.” Lucas added, again, before even Eliott could say anything. The taller one just nodded slightly, but this time little smile appeared on his angelic face.

“I’ve waited for you on balcony. On Thursday and yesterday.” Eliott spoke unexpectedly when they reached their doors. Lucas looked into Eliott eyes with bright smile because he didn’t want to say out loud that he felt warm inside when he heard it. Eliott waited for him and he didn’t push him to explaining why Lucas hadn’t appeared on the balcony both times. Eliott was so understanding and kind and Lucas couldn’t believe such person wanted to befriend with him.

Lucas woke up from his daydreaming when he heard harsh door slamming. Both of the boys looked at Lucas’s apartment with confused looks.

“You know who’s there?” Eliott asked, standing nearer to Lucas.

“I’m not sure. Emma supposed to be at home and with Arthur, you never know.” He shrugged his arms and put the key in the lock. Again, they heard something disturbing but this time it was some screaming coming from the apartment.

When Lucas and Eliott walked into the hall, they saw Emma and Manon, both flooded of tears, one was standing near to the kitchen counter, the other in the middle of living room. Manon looked at boys with madness in her eyes and after taking her coat from the hanger she literally run out from the apartment.  She slammed the door so hard that it just had opened itself again. Before Eliott and Lucas could do anything, they heard similar loud slamming and Emma disappeared behind her bedroom door.

“Oh, hi. I didn’t hear you’re coming.” Lucas heard Arthur’s voice and he turned to his roommate with confusion on his face.

“What the hell was that?” Eliott asked, putting his groceries on the floor.

“Well, as you could see, Emma and Manon had a little dispute. And well, I put my headphones so I didn’t hear what it was about but I couldn’t ignore those doors slamming. I thought they were gonna throw plates into each other.”

“Not funny, Arthur.” Lucas commented, glancing at Emma’s door.

“I’m not joking. Both of them went completely furious.”

“I’m gonna check on Manon.” Lucas added and he glanced quickly at Eliott. He looked exactly as worried as Lucas felt.

He run down the stairs and when he reached the pavement, he looked around. Noticing Manon was easy, she was the only person on the street that wasn’t wearing a coat.

“Manon!” Lucas screamed, running up a bit.

“Leave me alone.” He heard her weak voice and something broke inside him. He hadn’t knew her very well but she was his friend so seeing her like this wasn’t easy for him.

“Manon please, wait. Manon.” He repeated but the girl pretended that she hadn’t heard him. “At least put your coat on.” Lucas reached out to the Manon’s jacket but in this moment, she snapped at him. She threw her cloth in front of his feet and started screaming.

“You know what?! It’s your fucking fault. Everything was amazing before you introduced your funny friend. That shithead ruined everything, Lucas! And it’s also your fault!”

She grabbed her jacket from the street and run away towards bus stop. Lucas was so stunned that he couldn’t move. He couldn’t understand what have just happened. He had back to the apartment and quietly closed the door behind him. He was still so shocked that at first Arthur’s voice hadn’t reached him. Not until Eliott touched his arm when he started to focus on the things Arthur was saying to him.

“Lucas, are you okay?” Eliott asked even though he clearly saw that Lucas definitely wasn’t okay.

“Did you try to talk with Emma?” Lucas asked, ignoring Eliott question but unconsciously he caught the end of his shirt.

“I’ve just said that she sent me to hell when I’ve tried to do that. I must admit that I’m a little bit scared of her in such state but I’m gonna try later.” Lucas just nodded his head, still holding Eliott cloth. “And what did Manon tell you?” The blond guy asked, pretending that he didn’t notice Lucas behaviour right after walking to apartment.

“She said nothing and she run away.” He lied and felt tears coming appearing in his eyes. He tried to wipe them up as quickly as he could but Eliott noticed that.

“Oookay, we’re not gonna do anything about it now so sorry guys, but if you don’t mind I have some work to do.” Arhur said and smiling towards Eliott, he went to his room.

“I’m pretty hungry so I hope you like broccoli because tonight we’re eating broccoli casserole.” The older boy took Lucas’s hand and headed into the kitchen. He started putting out some stuff from the bag. Lucas was looking at Eliott, how casually he was behaving in the kitchen. He knew exactly where he had to find each needed things and each time he was looking at Lucas, he was smiling brightly. Then Lucas felt one tear coming down on his cheek but this time he wasn’t fast enough to wipe it out. Eliott came up near him and did it for him.

“You know you can tell me anything, right?” He added, looking deeply into Luca’s eyes. The blue-eyed boy just nodded slightly. He felt warm of Eliott’s hand on his face and he closed his eyes for a moment. When he opened it again, the view of Eliott’s eyes took his breath away. Lucas already knew this feeling when he was around Eliott but until that moment, he wasn’t sure what it meant but now he knew. He wanted to kiss Eliott so bad. The older boy’ body pulled Lucas’ one so hard that the younger one could even feel that the air around them have changed. But then, when he was just millimetres away from Eliott’ face, his phone have started ringing.

“It could be something important.” Lucas whispered into Eliott’s lips.

“Yeah, it could be.” Eliott answered, as quietly as he could. When the phone still hadn’t stopped ringing, Eliott just sighted loudly and rested his forehead on Lucas’s one. The younger one closed his eyes and smiled.

“It’s Tamara. I mean, your aunt Tamara.” Lucas opened his eyes and frowned his brows. He didn’t even noticed that again, he was holding Eliott’s t-shirt but this time he held it near to his heart.  

“She’s calling  _you_?” He asked, and he couldn’t hold his laugh.

Eliott didn’t respond but just stick out his tongue at Lucas and finally picked up the call.

“Hi Eliott, I hope I’m not interrupting.” Lucas heard his aunt voice and he noticed right away that Eliott wanted to say indeed, she interrupted a lot. He shook his head quickly and Eliott just laughed a bit.

“No, definitely you’re not interrupting.”

“Okay, great. Because I have some great news for you. And of course, you can say no but well, I hope you’re gonna agree on this because I have a great plan for us and oh gosh, you will love it.” Eliott and Lucas chuckled in the same time, hearing Tamara’s fast talking.

“So, do you wanna be a main artist of our annual art display at university?”

“Wait, what?” Lucas laughed so loudly at Eliott’s face that Tamara asked again if she really didn’t interrupted anything. Eliott repeated his previous answer and put a hand on Lucas’ mouth.

“Are you serious?” He asked another question, still shocked.

“Yup, pretty serious. This year I’m the main director and after talking with dean and some other people, we have decided that you’re gonna be the best for this. So, what’s your answer?”

“Yes, oh my gosh, yes!” Eliott screamed and hugged Lucas so unexpectedly that the smaller boy lost his breath in the Eliott’s shirt.

“Okay, good because I completely forgot to tell about it earlier and today was the last day to confirm it. So, I’m gonna be at yours in a second. Bye!” And without waiting for Eliott’ answer, she hung up.

“Did you hear it!?” Eliott almost screamed and did a quick pirouette in the middle of the kitchen. Lucas was smiling so hard that his mouth have started to hurt a bit but he couldn’t help himself. Suddenly Eliott stood in front of Lucas and cupped his face into his hands.

“I’m so happy that I can share this moment with you, Lucas.” Eliott said it with such tenderness and full of feelings that Lucas couldn’t say a word. Eliott’ face was again so close to his that it was only the matter of a few seconds that their lips would meet.

But again, they were interrupted. They heard aloud knocking on the door but not to Lucas’s apartment.

“She was serious with being here in a second.” Lucas commented and without any willingness, he went to the door, right next to Eliott.

“O, hi. I thought that was your place.” Tamara was standing on a hall, pointing at Eliott’s apartment.

“Yeah, it is mine but we’re just hanging out together.” The older boy explained and smiled quickly towards Lucas. He was trying to avoid his aunt sight because he was sure that he’s gonna shoot daggers at her. She couldn’t choose better moment for her visit.

“Okay, but we need to check some of yours old work so we need to go to your apartment.” Tamara pointed again at Eliott’ door and smiled, trying to look innocent. “Are you coming?” Eliott asked Lucas, when he put the key into the lock.

“No, you have to work together so I’m gonna try to talk with Emma. We’ll meet later.” Eliott just nodded his head and dropped a quick kiss on Lucas’s forehead before opening his flat. Tamara saw Lucas’s reaction to the kiss and he knew that she was smiling almost as brightly as he was.

Lucas closed the door and went into the apartment. He knew that the evening with Eliott was destroyed for all because of the appearance of Tamara but he wasn’t mad at her. Yeah, maybe at first he was a bit irritated but now he thought that her interruption was needed.  He had to unscramble his thoughts at first and maybe he should distract himself from thinking only about Eliott.

He knocked at the Arthur’s door and waited to hear short ‘come in’.

“What happened with Eliott?” That was the first sentence Arthur articulated seeing Lucas alone. The smaller one chuckled a bit before sitting on the bed.

“Nothing happened with Eliott. He has some unexpected work to do so his back at his place.”

“Buuut, something happened, right?” Arthur asked, moving his brows in a meaningful way. Lucas bit his lip, feeling the warm on his cheeks.

“Nothing and Eliott it’s not the point why I am here.” Arthur just laughed and adjusted himself on his chair. “We should talk with Emma. We cannot live her like this, alone in her room.”

The blond guy nodded head with an understatement.

“But she didn’t wanna talk with me before.”

“So that’s why now we are going there together. We are here for her, right? We are friends and friends are helping each other.”

Arthur smiled at Lucas and he jumped on his feet right away.

They knocked simultaneously on Emma’s door.

“Emma, it’s Arthur and Lucas! Please, open!” Lucas screamed at the piece of wood but nobody answered him at first. Then, Arthur have started knocking at the door like a wild person and screaming Emma’s name in different voices.

“Oh fuck, shut up you blond bitch.” Emma said, after opening the door. She looked completely devastated. Her mascara was all over her face and fresh tears were clearly visible. “I am not in a mood for talking.” She added, and didn’t look at the face of the guys. “Please, leave me alone.” She whispered and Lucas knew this kind of state.

She was at the verge of tears so he didn’t even think twice, just did one step towards the girl and hugged her. At first, she was completely stunned but not even after thirty seconds, she have started crying.

“I have no fucking clue what really happened.” Emma said through ears when Lucas escorted her to the bed.

“I am sure you will talk this through.” Arthur responded, sitting next to the girl. “No, this is not gonna happen this time. I don’t know what I did and I have no idea what I should do.” Emma sat straight, between Arthur and Lucas. She put her head on Arthur’s arm but still kept one hand on Lucas’s thigh.

“I am so sorry Emma.” Lucas whispered, taking girl’s hand into his. “Manon told me that it is also my fault.” He added, seeing confused facial expression of his flatmate.

“What?” Arthur asked, because he was as clueless as the girl next to him.

“When I run after her she told me that something happened with Yann and I was the one who introduced him to you so the fight it’s partially my fault.”

Lucas felt awfully guilty for what happened between the girls. Even though he had no idea what exactly went on and he didn’t want to ask about it, he was aware that problems have appeared after Yann’s coming. In his way of thinking, he was the one who have started Emma and Manon’s fight.

“Lucas, look at me.” Emma said firmly. “Yes, Manon brought Yann up during our fight but what she told you is not true. Even I don’t know what exactly happened but it’s not yours or Yann’s fault. It is just something between me and Manon, that’s it.” She tried to smile a bit towards the boy and she hugged him quickly. “But it’s killing me that I really have no idea what is the problem. Before, we just yelled at each other, brining any minor shit we did through our relationship. Nothing specific was told.” She added and again, tears had appeared on her face.

“Come on, I’m gonna drive you to her. She has to explain what her deal is. I cannot sit here and watch how miserable you are. I love you both but let’s be frank, I love you a little bit more Emma and you deserve the truth.” Arthur stood up and reached girl’s hand. She chuckled through tears but she took his palm and also stood up. Lucas smiled up to her from the bed and nodded towards the mirror.

“Oh yeah, I have to clean myself.”

“Are you going with us?” Arthur asked when he and Lucas left Emma alone to let her to put herself together.

“No, I’ll prepare something to eat, maybe you will be back soon so I’m gonna just wait.” The blond guy only nodded and headed towards the hall to take the key to his car.

Lucas went to the kitchen and prepared some sandwiches for him and, as he thought, soon-to-be-at-home Arthur. He had waited for him for about an hour and then he got a message that Arthur left Emma at Manon’s flat but he met a friend so he wouldn’t be back at home any time soon.

The blue-eyed boy decided that him, being alone at home, is a good opportunity to compose some new music. Most of the time he didn’t care if somebody could hear his playing or not, but just felt better when he could try any new kind of sequences of notes without thinking that somebody would have thought that he is making many mistakes.

Creating new music always soothing his mind. That day was pretty tough, maybe not only in a bad way but still, Lucas had to focus his mind on something else than his emotion.

When he was in the middle of writing his first piece, he heard knocking on the flat’s door.

“Hi.” It was Eliott with his shy, but completely adorable smile. Hands in pockets and hair looking like he just got up from bed.

“Hi.” Lucas answered, totally amazed by the taller boy eyes.

“Can I come in?” Lucas only nodded and step aside from the entrance. “I have one more question.” He added, when the smaller boy closed the door. Lucas frowned a bit but repeated a nod.

“Can I kiss you?”

That question was so unexpected that Lucas stood in front of Eliott, with half open mouth and completely lost mind. Eliott chuckled seeing his expression and he brought nearer his face to the Lucas’s one.

“So, can I?” He whispered directly into Lucas’s mouth. The smaller boy hadn’t even realized that was standing on his toes. He put his hands on Eliott’s chest and whispered back.

“Yes, please. Kiss me.”  

 


	13. 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "In case you ever foolishly forget: I am never not thinking of you." VW

Lucas woke up and turned off his clock. He immediately realized that he was smiling even though he had not enough sleep and it was Monday.

And all the fault laid on the tall, blue-greyish eyes boy who kissed him just one day ago.

Lucas buried his face into the pillow because he couldn’t stop smiling and such situation was completely new for him. Even though he should take a shower and starting prepare himself to school, he decided that recalling Saturday evening would be better idea.

_“Can I kiss you?”_

_That question was so unexpected that Lucas stood in front of Eliott, with half open mouth and completely lost mind. Eliott chuckled seeing his expression and he brought nearer his face to the Lucas’s one._

_“So, can I?” He whispered directly into Lucas’s mouth. The smaller boy hadn’t even realized that was standing on his toes. He put his hands on Eliott’s chest and whispered back._

_“Yes, please. Kiss me.”_

_And then he felt like a thousand fireworks exploded around him. World stopped spinning around and everything was put in the right place. His body felt hot and cold in the same time. Hundreds of positive emotions were flowing into him, as it never had._

_Eliott was holding him so tight, his arms around Lucas’s neck. He was so close to him, every possible part of their bodies were touching each other but for Lucas it was still not enough. He wanted more of Eliott, he wanted to live in this moment forever._

_But reality never gives us our ‘forever’ so boys had to take a breath be back to reality._

_“That was…” Eliott whispered first. “Yeah, that was.” Lucas agreed and giggle, burrowing his face into Eliott’s neck._

_“You’re so handsome when you’re laughing.” The taller boy whispered again and kissed the top of Lucas’s head. He felt immediately that his face turned red but he didn’t care at this moment._

_At this moment he was happy._

“Lucas!” Blue-eyed boy was back to the real life when he heard Arthur’s voice. “I am making scrambled eggs, do you want some?!” Lucas rolled his eyes because seriously, he couldn’t care less about some eggs when he only wanted to think about his first kiss with Eliott. He already miss him so much. They didn’t see each other since the kiss because Alexia’s parents came to Paris for Sunday and Eliott promised her that he would spend that day with them. Lucas tried to take advantage of all this amazing emotions and compose something new but he realized that every note he played was just wrong. Fortunately, Arthur was able to distract him a bit during Sunday afternoon because Basile appeared in his flat. Basile was a friend of the blond guy and one of the most chaotic people that Lucas had ever met. They played fifa, baked some really awesome cupcakes, even though Lucas was a bit sceptical when he heard about adding chilli, but in the end he enjoyed it very much.

Emma was still at Manon’s. She wrote to Arthur that she would stay at hers probably till Monday.

Lucas was really happy that everything was going so well, considering some unpleasant events of last days.

“Lucas! Do you want these shitty eggs or not!?” He heard Arthur’s shouting again and laughed under his nose.

“If they are so shitty I don’t wanna eat them.”

“Oh, just come here your arsehole!”

Lucas finally opened his bedroom door and was greeted by totally unexpected kiss.

“Good morning.” Eliott said and smiled brightly seeing how fast shock turned into full pleasure on Lucas’s face.

“Good morning to you too.” He answered and kissed the taller boy back. It was starting to become more intense that he thought but he didn’t want to stop.

“You definitely won’t get my eggs.” Arthur commented. Of course he already knew what happened between Lucas and Eliott. He noticed Lucas’s different behaviour right away when he stepped into the apartment on Sunday morning.

“Yeah, we don’t want them Arthur.” Eliott said and taking Lucas’s hand run to his bedroom. They have started to make out again and Lucas really really didn’t want to stop but he knew his university wouldn’t wait.

“Eliott.” He whispered so quietly that he wasn’t even surprised that Eliott hadn’t heard him during kissing his neck. When he was back to kissing his cheeks Lucas opened his eyes and sighted. “Eliott, I have to go to my classes.”

The older boy stopped the kissing and laid his head on Lucas’s arm.

“I hoped that you would forget about them.”

“You were very close to make to do so.” Lucas answered and laughed a bit because it was totally true. Five more minutes of kissing and he would completely forgot about reality, focusing only on kissing Eliott.

“Can I try again?” He asked, looking at Lucas’s face this time. “I like your hair in the morning.” And he touched them, laughing slightly. Lucas was so in awe of Eliott’s face that his words almost didn’t get to his mind. “You are like a little hedgehog. Tu es mon herrison, Lucas.” And he quickly kissed his nose. “Now get up. I’m gonna walk you to school.”

Lucas was completely intoxicated by Eliott presence. He couldn’t think straight, he couldn’t even say anything. He could only stare at him or kiss him. It was definitely enough for him.

“Come on, up.” Eliott said, got up from the bad and reached out his hand to Lucas. He sighted again but grabbed Eliott’s palm and stood near to the boy.

“You have to wait outside my room.” Lucas told when felt that urge to kiss Eliott again was almost unbearable.

“Okay, mon herrison.” The older boy smiled, kissed Lucas on the top of his head and then was gone behind the door.

It took Lucas only ten minutes to be ready. He went out from his room and saw Eliott and Arthur eating eggs and laughing at something.

“Lucas, you have to eat this! Arthur is a real master chief!” Eliott literally screamed pointing at his plate.

“Next time maybe. If you wanna go to school with me we have to leave now.” Lucas answered, taking his jacket from the hanger.

“Have a nice day!” Arthur screamed when they reached the exit door. After closing them, Eliott immediately kissed Lucas, making him leaning on the wall.

Even though kissing Eliott was one of most pleasant things Lucas had ever done in his life, he knew that they should have stopped.

“Eliott, I am gonna be late and by the way, I am pretty sure our neighbours won’t be very happy seeing us, doing this.” Lucas stopped the older boy and put his palm on Eliott’s chest.

“Doing what? It’s not wrong” He whispered back, brushing his nose into Lucas’s one.

“Of course not but just don’t put on a show, okay?” Lucas added, taking Eliott’s hand and dragging him into the exist of the building.

During their bus ride, they were holding hands and just glancing at each other, trying to stop their urge to kiss. Right after they went out Eliott stopped and stood in front of the smaller boy.

“Lucas, I have to tell you something.” Blue-eyed boy frowned a bit. A lot horrible thoughts went through his mind. He saw only the worst scenarios in his head.

“Hey, it’s nothing connected with you or us. Or at least I hope it won’t change anything between us.” Eliott reassured the other one, seeing the fear on his face. He cupped Lucas’s face and kissed him tenderly.

“Okay, so. I am bipolar, Lucas.” Eliott revealed his secret, looking straight into Lucas’ eyes.

“Thank you for telling me.” The smaller one smiled with an answer and kissed both Eliott’s cheeks.

“Are you okay with it?” Eliott asked when they’ve started to walk to the university gate. “Why should I not be okay with it?” Lucas answered with a question and just smiled towards the other guy. Eliott smiled slightly under his nose.

When they reached the class, Eliott sighted deeply, knowing that they have to say goodbye for now.

“I am gonna take you on a date tonight.” He said out of the blue when Lucas adjusted the collar of Eliott’s jacket.

“No asking if I want to just informing me about it?” Lucas laughed. “And by the way, don’t you have classes today or have to work on your exhibition?”

“Nah, today Monday is pretty easy for me so I am gonna take my future boyfriend for an amazing date tonight.” He kissed Lucas so deeply that he lost his breath. “Later.” And just like that, Eliott disappeared in the crowd of the students.

During the lunch break, Lucas was spending time with Alexia. Imane was supposed to be with them but Sofiane surprised her and took her somewhere else. Manon was absent and non of the girls or Lucas had any message from her.

“Alexia, I asked you to wait for me after classes!” Lucas almost jumped on his chair when Daphne appeared out of nowhere with her loud voice.

“Sorry Daphy, I didn’t hear that” Alexia smiled, trying to pretend that she was innocent but the blond girl only rolled her eyes.

“Sorry Lucas for interrupting but I need discuss this with Alex.”

“Discuss what?” The boy asked, adjusting his cup of coffee that Daphy moved by accident.

“Discuss our project! It’s almost the end of the October and we have to end it before Christmas and we got probably the worst kind of task to do.” This time Alexia rolled her eyes and instead of saying something, she just put some fries into her mouth.

“Maybe I can help.” Lucas volunteered, and he was surprised that he said it because he still had no idea what the project was all about and he wasn’t really close with Daphne or even with Alexia.

“I don’t think you would be into it.” The blond girl said sceptically, frowning her brows.

“But no! It would be great!” Alexia almost screamed after quick swallow of definitely too much fries.

“Maybe just tell me what it is all about.” Lucas said and when Daphy opened her mouth, Lucas’s phoned have started ringing.

“Oh, sorry. I have to take this.” He walked away from the table and took the call.

“Hi Yann.”

“Salut Lucas, are you on the campus right now? I am in a rush so I don’t have time to get Emma’s stuff to your flat but I am near to your uni so I thought that I could leave them with you.” Yann spoke so fast that Lucas at first didn’t get the whole message. After a second or two, he realized what his friend just said and his good mood was totally gone.

Emma wasn’t with Manon. She stayed at Yann’s and by Yann’s it meant his aunts’ house.

“Lucas? Are you there?” Yann asked when Lucas stayed silent for too long.

“Yeah, yeah sure. I am gonna wait in front of the main gate.”

“Thanks man, I’ll be in five.” And he hung up.

Lucas had so many questions but he knew that keeping the call and talking with Yann by phone was useless. He had to look into his friend eyes and see the truth in them. He still had hope that all of his ideas were wrong but how this whole situation could be explained?

Emma and Manon fight of Saturday morning. On the same day evening Arthur took Emma to Manon’s. Emma said that she was supposed to stay at her girlfriend place till Monday and now what? Yann had Emma’s stuff so it means that she was with him, not with her girlfriend.

Lucas couldn’t believe that his closest friend could sleep with his roommate that was in relationship or at least he thought she still was.

“Salut!” Yann said and smiled towards Lucas but seeing the smaller boy face the smiled disappeared right away. “Are you okay? Something happened?”

“Please, tell me that you didn’t sleep with Emma.” Lucas said firmly. He never fight with Yann. Maybe almost never but they never fight about things connected with other people.

“What? No! Why are you asking me this?” Yann seemed completely surprised and when first shook passed, the anger appeared in his eyes. “Lucas, I am not gonna explained anything on Emma’s behalf but believe me, I didn’t sleep with her. She called me yesterday, at the two in the morning and she was completely drunk. I wanted to take her to yours apartment but she said…” he hesitated a bit and after taking deep breath, he continued. “She didn’t want to so I took her to Mathilda. After she woke up, I let her stay because she was completely devastated and when I woke up today, she was gone. I would call her but one the things she forgot was her phone.”

Lucas needed a minute to comprehend the whole situation. Yann still looked angry but his facial expression looked more worried than furious with every passing second.

“I am so sorry Yann. I know you would never do this, I don’t know why I said..”

“Okay Lucas, I get it. Emma and Manon are your friends and they were together, you are worried about them. I understand it.”

Lucas tried to smile but again, new information hit him hard.

“Were together?”

Yann had started to mumble under his nose but he couldn’t take his words back.

“Please, don’t say Emma I told you. She asked not to, fuck.” Lucas just nodded his head. This whole situation was weirder and weirder for him.

“Give me her things. We’re gonna catch up later, right?” Lucas said, this time with real smile. Yann smiled back and hugged the smaller one quickly. “I am gonna call you at the end of the week, for now I am stuck in the office.”

Lucas waved to his friend when he was catching taxi. Minute later he was heading to the table where Alexia and Daphy still were.  

“We’ve decided that you will be our main model.” The blond girl said without any further explanation and Lucas’s expression probably looked funny because Alexia laughed loudly at him.

“Wait, what?” The boy asked, after sitting next to the girls and putting away Emma’s stuff to his bag.

“You said you want to help us, right?” Daphne said with tone as if she was talking to a little kid.

“Yes?” He answered with a question because now he wasn’t sure if his fast decision was good.

“So, basically” Alexia have started “we have to make some photos of the students on campus and their real life. We have to show basic of the basics. Our teacher hates the new way of photography when you can do everything on computer so we are gonna be back in the past. Are you in?”

Lucas hesitated but seeing the hope in Daphy's eyes he couldn’t say no.

“Yeah, sure. Why not.”

The blond girl squealed like some unidentified animal and hugged Lucas tightly.

“It’s good that you live so close to Alexia, she will keep you posted with everything. Okay, now we have to find at least one more student but I have to go back to my class so see you later Lucas.” When Daphne stood up she nodded towards Alexia. “You have classes with me, you know this, right?” Alexia winked towards Lucas and after taking Daphne’s hand, they run to class.

After the last lesson, Lucas headed towards bus stop. He noticed Eliott right away.

“Hello sir, are you waiting for someone?” He asked, not standing too near to the boy because only one glance on Eliott’s lips made Lucas feel warm inside.

“Yeah, I wanted to make a surprise for some handsome man but if you are here already, I can take you for a date instead, sir.”

Lucas laughed and before kissing Eliott he articulated very loudly ‘dickhead’ just in case some of the pedestrians wanted to know it.

“Come. We’re gonna walk there.” Eliott said and took Lucas’s hand.

“Did you move out or what?” The smaller one asked, pointing on the bag that the other guy had by his left side.

“No, don’t worry. But we’re having a picnic tonight.”

“Eliott, it’s the ending of October.” Lucas stated, glancing at Eliott meaningfully.

“I said, don’t worry. I have a hoodie and a blanket. This date will be perfect and I am prepared for everything.

“Okeey.” Lucas said, shaking his head.

The walk took them about almost forty minutes. It would take them less but stopping here and there for kissing was more important than walking fast.

“We are here.” Eliott said happily, pointing at some trees and the old rusty gate. Lucas looked at the other boy suspiciously because the whole scenario didn’t look cosy at all.

“I had a key, so don’t worry, we are not technically breaking in.”

“What ‘technically’ means to you?” Lucas asked but he went with Eliott to the gate.

“Well, some time ago I kinda stole the key from the security guy but after replicating it, I put it into the previous place right away.”

Lucas chuckled because he would never thought that Eliott could steal anytyhing.

“But in my defence, when I first discovered this place it was open twenty-four hours a day but when they put the lock, I had to do something.”

Eliott opened the gate in front of Lucas and proudly said. “Welcome to my refuge.” And locked the gate right after him.

“Refuge?”

They’ve started walk on the path, hand in hand, smiling to each other.

“Yes, when I want to be alone I came here, when I want to scream I am here also. I am here pretty often.”

“You are weird guy, Eliott.” Lucas laughed but no in a mean way. The taller one looked at him questioningly. “You want to be alone in this place and here we are. You and me. Two people. You are not alone here anymore.”

“Yes, and I love that you are here.” He stood in front of Lucas and kissed him deeply. “You are the first that I brought to my refuge.”

Lucas was stunned, he couldn’t say a word. Even that the sun wasn’t so bright anymore and the trees hided from them the most of the light, he could see the pure happiness into Eliott’s eyes. He couldn’t believe how lucky he was in that moment.

“That’s my bridge.” Eliott pointed and the old bridge, covered with plants and full of paint.

“You painted it?” Lucas asked in an awe, touching tenderly the big image of sunflowers. When Lucas didn’t get the answer he turned around and saw Eliott that was taking away a few things from his bag. The blanket was already on the ground and one of Eliott’s hoodies were lying next to the package of strawberries.

“Strawberries and champagne?” Lucas asked, sitting next to the other boy. “Can you be more cliché?” He laughed but took one of the fruits and ate it quickly.

“It’s just the beginning mon amour.” Eliott said with such mysterious tone that Lucas feel strange things inside his stomach.

Eliott, as he said, was more cliché. He brought grapes, three types of cheese, because he wasn’t sure which Lucas like the most. Not only one, but also two bottles of champagne and he played some old French romantic music on his Spotify but he found the one played only by piano so Lucas didn’t laugh at it. In fact, he was amazed by all of this because nobody ever did anything like this for him.

“You are amazing.” Lucas said, when Eliott put his head on his lap. He have started feeding Eliott with grapes and they enjoy this moment fully.

Most of the time they were just talking about their passion to music and art. Lucas was trying to keep away the topic of his family or why he had his gap year. This was only the beginning of his relation with Eliott and he didn’t want to scare him off. Eliott was too precious to throw at him all of the Lucas’s past. He already knew some things about his sister and for now, it was enough.

“You know, if you would go to university right after you high school we would probably never meet.” Eliott started when they ended next session of kissing. His fingers were wandering on Lucas’s face and the younger boy just stared on Eliott’s gorgeous face.

“This universe wanted us together.” He whispered without further thinking.

“This universe?” Eliott asked, not stopping his action.

“Yeah, I mean, it’s stupid but sometimes when I don’t feel okay I’m thinking about other Lucas’s, in other universes. Here, I am the Lucas pianist, with Eliott artist. In the other one Lucas went to the university year before and it took him a little bit time but he finally met his Eliott, but in this universe Eliott is the pianist one and Lucas is the painter.”

“It’s not stupid. I love it.” Eliott whispered into Lucas’s lips. “Tell me about other Elus.” Lucas laughed and got right away the name.

“Hmm, maybe Lucas number 234 lives in London and Eliott number 234 is moving there and they are meeting in the shop. Or maybe Eliott 643 is still in high school and he has a girlfriend but he is gonna meet Lucas 643 and it will be complicated at first but they will finally save each other from their cruel worlds and they are gonna be happy.”

“I hope other Elus are happy as we are in this moment.” Eliott said, putting a tender kiss on Lucas’s nose.

“Unfortunately they aren’t. Some of them are alone, some of them are crying and others are feeling empty. But we are happy. Now, we are happy.”

 


	14. 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I am in the mood to dissolve in the sky.” - VW 
> 
>  
> 
> TW: mentioning of eating disorder and OCD

_**This** became part of his life when he was eleven. It was year after moving in to Tamara’s house. She took proper care of him and because of her, he was already in the hands of therapist. He tried to do his best. He was just a little boy but his life was harsher for him than for many of older people ever would be._

_He was only eleven but already without his mother, who blamed him and his father for his sister’s death. Without his father that couldn’t take care of him because Lucas was ‘too hard to deal with’, as he once has heard. And he was without Lily. Without his little sunshine._

_Lucas was only seven when she died. Everything that happened before her death and short after that was like a blur for him. He supposed to remember something, or at least he though he supposed to remember but which eleven-years-old has proper knowledge about psychology, dealing with a trauma and obsessive-compulsive disorder. Sometimes, or to be truthful, very often, he was helpless and even the doctor’s words that is okay to not remember didn’t ease his inner pain._

_When he was eight, at the day of their birthday, when he had realized that from now on, there would be only his birthday, he couldn’t sleep and then, one of his first big episodes happened. It was two at the morning. He went to the kitchen, took every cleaning fluid that he could find and he went back to his room. He saw his mother doing this so as for eight-year-old boy, he knew what and how he supposed to do. He cleaned the whole floor, on his knees, with one big cloth and using almost the whole bottle of the fluid, he cleaned it so thoroughly that when he realized that he cleaned it all, he couldn’t feel his fingers or legs and his head hurt so bad and he felt sick but looking at literally shining floor made him suddenly calm. His mother would be proud._

_After that, he put all the things to the kitchen cabinet, washed his hands and face, and went to sleep as nothing happened._

_Tamara was the first that saw something bad was happening with Lucas. It was during one of the nights when his father called to her and asked her for some help. Another day that he was drinking, sleeping, or fucking some anonymous person behind his bedroom door. Tamara couldn’t sleep, she decided that drinking water would help her a little and when she was heading to the kitchen, she chose to check on Lucas. She went to his room, she knew that he has been dealing with insomnia for a few weeks after Lily’s death so she thought that maybe this time she would find him just staring at the celling, as she saw him like this a few times already but that night Tamara caught him standing on the chair, cleaning windows. She burst into tears immediately even though she still had zero clue what exactly was happening with Lucas but he didn’t even realize her appearance. He was standing on a chair, completely focus on his work and he didn’t even wipe the sweat away from his forehead. She was standing at the doors, unable to say anything, just crying and crying, not until he done his thing, turned around and when he saw her, he said sorry, went to the bathroom to wash his hands and face, and after that, saying nothing more, went to sleep. And since the day after this episode, he has started seeing therapist._

_But his compulsive disorder wasn’t such big problem as everyone thought. At least Lucas claimed that. His episodes were only casual and most of the time occurred only when he was alone, which happened very rarely, after some stressful situations or special days that he just couldn’t help himself._

_But **this** has started after seeing his mom. It was only the fourth time after Lily’s death. The meeting was so awkward. Lucas was sitting at the sofa in Tamara’s living room, she was sitting next to him, in the position as if she was trying to protect him from his own mother. His father was sitting at the armchair, completely zoned out, and his mother opposite to him. Tamara did most of the talk. She was praising Lucas how good he was at school and how proud she was because OCD episodes were very rare, as if she knew the whole truth. But Lucas felt something warm inside him when she was talking about it in front of his parents, he experienced the same warm that he was feeling during Lily’s long hugs and when he looked at Tamara’s face, he decided that he would try to limit his episode. This time for real._

_But then, when Tamara and his father left for a second, his mother looked at him, straight into his eyes and said one short sentence._

_“You are bad and all of this is your fault.”_

_And this crushed his world almost as in the same way when someone announced to him about Lily’s death. As most of the events and people from this time, he couldn’t even recall who that person was._

_After this his mother left, Lucas was pretending that everything was fine, he even tried to convince himself that his mother’s words were only made by his stupid mind, not the real thing that mother would say to her son._

_But it was true and Lucas knew she was right. Lily was better than him, she was smarter, prettier, funnier and he supposed to be the one to deal with the diseases. He supposed to be dead, not her._

_A few days later, when he was at his father place; it was the time when he already lived with Tamara but was spending a week or two with his father, the man had another ‘appointment’ at his house and Lucas shouldn’t have discover it but he met the women at the bathroom. She was kneeling near to the toilet and throwing up. Lucas was standing near to the door and was staring at her. He was eleven and he saw people throwing up, he himself threw up a few times but this girl looked as she was enjoying doing this._

_“It’s okay little boy.” She said to him with a little smile but he saw that her eyes were a bit hazy._

_“Should I call my dad?” He asked. “No, don’t do that. He’s asleep. And it won’t change a thing. I deserve it.”_

_Lucas twisted his head a bit with confusion. “Why?”_

_“Because I am a bad person and bad person has to treat themselves badly.”_

_It was the only time Lucas saw that woman but since that day he have started doing the same. He was a bad person and bad person deserves to be treated badly._

_Until his fifteen birthday it wasn’t a big deal for him. He said to himself that he was okay, he wasn’t sick, just needed punishment and when he had realized that eating was treated by people as something pleasurable, he decided that he couldn’t enjoy it. Because he was bad and bad people cannot be happy about anything. He tried to eat less but Tamara and Mathilda was taking care of him and they put so much effort and heart in preparing every meal that he was unable to refuse to eat it._

_So throwing up was the only way._

_But when he was fifteen and he saw other boys or girls that looked so good and fit and healthy, he wanted to be like them. He never had a very close friend, except Yann, but he wasn’t at the same school and he had his own life so Lucas couldn’t demand from him to spend every spare minute at Tamara’s place. Lucas has started searching some pages in the internet. He realized that it was his escape. He found other guys and girl, with similar habits like his and they seemed okay, their lives were good, or that was the thing they were trying to say to themselves, not to Lucas. One girl advised using some cleaning fluids and at first, he thought that was crazy because, first, it was a waste for using it for cleaning, and second, it was horrifying. For one moment he really thought that it’s unhealthy and he wanted even help this girl but during one of his episodes he had tried it and it ‘helped’, as something like that could help anyone._

_This time Mathilda was the first one that noticed something was wrong. Lucas looked worse than normal, his skin looked like a cheap paper, so thin and grey. She and Tamara didn’t tell Lucas that they knew something was off but they have started checking his day schedule more carefully. They discovered the lack of some cleaning fluids but when they have searched every room, everything was messy as normally as it was in their house, nothing specifically too clean._

_And then, Lucas fainted at the bus stop._

_More meetings with therapist have started, more control, less alone time. And for a bit it was okay. It wasn’t good because Lucas still felt like shit all the time, but it was okay._

_Lucas went to high school, even met some new people, had a friend. That friend was good. For the first time somebody outside his family was good to him. He had Tamara, Mathilda, Yann and even his pianist teacher but this was somebody at his age. Somebody good._

_Lucas loved him but not as he loves Tamara or Yann but also not as somebody to be with. They weren’t couple but yes, they slept with each other from time to time and for Lucas it was okay. Being with a boy was okay and he knew that in the future, if Philip won’t stay in his life, he will be only with guys. He likes boys and that’s it. He wasn’t screaming about it to everyone but the closest people in his life knew and it was enough. And of course Philip was the first to know about it._

_Lucas tried to be as good as Philip. He knew that he didn’t deserve him. Philip was too good. After about a year since they knew each other Lucas told Philip about his OCD about his parents and sister. He felt that was right thing to do. Philip always was so honest, so vulnerable, and he never hid anything from Lucas and he wished that maybe if he do the same, he would be a little bit better, a little bit more worth Philip._

_But he was wrong._

_All was okay for first month but after that they had stopped sleeping with each other and then Philip stopped coming to his place and Lucas wasn’t invited to his’ anymore and one day, just before next anniversary of Lily’s death, Philip said that this is too much for him and he isn’t good enough to help Lucas._

_Lucas didn’t want any help from him but the thought that he made Philip think less of him made him sick. He was so horrible that other feel worse because of him. Lucas apologized to Philip and said that he understood._

_And he really did but only his twisted thinking, not the real reasons that Philip told him._

_Then the last year at high school came and Lucas saw Philip with a new guy. He was handsome and he had nice smile. He was well build and definitely made Philip happy. That boy was good._

_And Lucas was bad._

_And all of shit came back to him. Tamara and Mathilda caught him during his cleaning-throwing-up episodes. Everything was like a blur to Lucas. He scratched his knees and he was throwing up with blood because he drank too much of cleaning fluid. It was only one thing to do. Sending Lucas to the closed mental health institution where they would help him and as much as Tamara and Mathilda hated themselves for doing this, they send him there._

_Through first few weeks, he was numb. He did nothing, he said nothing and he was only laying on his bed and getting up to only the canteen because they advised him that this is necessity, otherwise he would be plug on a drip. He stopped puking right away because he thought that one maybe two weeks of being clean would be enough to let him go home. But it wasn’t enough. It was even worse because all of the doctors and staff knew about his attempts and every person told him that it won’t help. He needed help and stopping vomiting was only the one part of his healing._

_But Lucas deeply felt that he couldn’t be heal, cure or just even feel a little better. He was bad and bad people need to be treated badly not good and healing part consisted of something positive so it couldn’t happen to him._

_One day, in the middle of August, he was walking around halls, not talking with anyone, and_ _alone as always._ _When he reached the exit hall, he noticed a tall guy. He was around Lucas’s age, maybe a bit older but not too much. His was shivering, as he was cold but when he turned around a bit, Lucas saw that he was crying. Ugly sobbing, worse than ever Lucas saw. After about a month at the center Lucas knew almost all the faces and this guy was definitely someone knew but what struck Lucas the most was the fact that he was alone and without any bag. They always have at least one bag. And the nurse at the reception desk was ignoring that young man. Lucas headed to her, it was Anette, and asked what is happening with the crying boy and why she’s not taking care of him._

_“He’s not a patient. His sister is hospitalized.”_

_Lucas just nodded and turned around to the guy. Now he was sitting on the floor, still crying. Lucas sat next to him. He was so small beside this guy but something pushed him and he said the biggest lie that everybody from the institution was telling him “It’s gonna be okay”._

_At first Lucas thought that maybe he said it so quiet that the crying guy didn’t hear him but suddenly he hugged Lucas so tightly that it took him breath for a second._

_“Idriss?” Lucas heard woman’s voice and looked up. The women and man were standing there, both with sadness on their faces._

_“I am so sorry.” The crying boy said to Lucas and he got up from the floor, helping Lucas with doing the same. Lucas without a word stepped a few steps away from the three of them._

_“Idriss, you should try one more time. She is gonna talk with you, I am sure of it.” The older man said and put a hand on the taller guy’s arm._

_“She hates me. She was sure about it. And she is right, it’s my fault that she’s here.” He sniffed and dabbed of the tears._

_“No my love, you helped her and we’re glad. Now we’re going home but day by day you will try again and again and Imane will  finally realize that what you did for her, you did because you lover her so much, my dear."_

_Lucas knew that he wasn’t supposed to heard that conversation so he went back to his room but when he reached it, he heard his doctor in the room next to his._

_“You can decorate this room as you want, every tape and scissors are in the common room. For today, it’s all from me. Do you have any questions, Imane?”_

_“No” The girl answered and Lucas walked to his room before the doctor would see him._

_The walls in the center were very thin and something as ‘privacy’ was an unknown thing in that place so Lucas heard every sniff made by Imane. He was fighting with himself for about an hour before he decided that he would introduce himself._

_He knocked at the door and the crying from the room stopped instantly. The girl opened it and she was shocked by seeing some young boy instead of a nurse or a doctor._

_“Hi. I’m Lucas.” He said and offered his hand. She looked at him with suspiciousness._

_“What?”_

_He didn’t know why but he smirked a bit hearing her harsh tone._

_“Nothing. We’re walls neighbors so I wanted to introduced myself.” She nodded her head and introduced herself as ‘Imane’._

_~~~~~~~~~~~_

On Friday night when Eliott was, as it was something normal, cooking in Lucas’s kitchen, Arthur and Basile went into apartment and right after them Alexia and Daphy appeared at the door. Lucas called to Imane and she came with Sofiane, introducing him as her official boyfriend. And Lucas went to Emma’s room, hugged her, kissed her in the temple and tickled her as long as she finally agreed to get out of her cave aka her bedroom and all of them sat in the living room, eating and laughing.

And Lucas was happy.

He was half-laying on Eliott and half-sitting on the couch, totally not focusing on the movie while Eliott was playing with his hair. Vibration of his phone woke him up from his dreamy state. He stood up and went into the kitchen, to not disturb his friends. He didn’t recognize the number on his phone but answered the call.

“Hello?”

“Good evening, Lucas. It’s your mother. We need to meet. I am going to be in Tamara’s house tomorrow at ten o’clock. Be there.”

Just like that, she hung up.

All of sudden the whole world has started spinning around and Lucas has started suffocating. The need to run to the bathroom and throw up all of his guts, all of his existence till he would disappear was such huge at it was about two years ago.

And nothing was good anymore.

 


End file.
